Is it wiser not going "all in" a relationship - get hurt less in the end?

[soulfulnow]

Sorry if the thread title in confusing.

I recently am getting over a relationship that was very good, for the most part, but it hurt a lot when it ended since I went all in.

What I mean by that is, I gave this relationship all my effort and I tried very hard to make things work out right. The girl I was with was giving me love back as well, but at times it seemed like she wasn't ready for the full commitment, even though she liked me.. So when she ended it by e-mail saying she isn't ready for the commitment and that she just needs to be free for the time being, it hurt very much. Even though she is assuring me that I haven't really done anything wrong and that I shouldn't feel bad, I just feel so hurt because she can't face me in person. I've shown so much love and support and assured her that I can take anything that she tells me, bad or good. But in the end she still decided to do it by e-mail and now we have not talked for a while and I am still having trouble recovering.

I am a positive person and I am very loving and caring. But now I am second guessing myself. I am not ready to date another girl or even her again yet, because I am afraid of getting hurt or hurting someone. I kind of feel like I don't want to give all my effort and not be so lovey dubby, that way I won't get too hurt or feel to much pain if it ends. Do you guys have any opinions on that? If it is sensible or just crazy? I've been really up and down these past few weeks since the break up. This girl was the first girl I felt truly like there was a long future with. The way she would assure me we would be together for a long time and she has never met a man so great as me.

But then again, I see lots of girls out there with boyfriends who are just in the relationship for sex and wild times, yet they end up sticking together longer than couples that go all in on love.

[TheCafeTerrace]

Ooooh, she broke up with you by email? What a coward.

Just do whatever you feel comfortable doing at any given time. It's impossible to decide now whether or not you're willing to "go all in" next time you find yourself on the brink of a serious relationship. If you're not comfortable dating right now, don't bother. Simples. Maybe just find something casual with someone, or go out to a bar/club/rave and get yourself laid, whatever rocks your boat. Now is the time just to concentrate on making yourself happy. Enjoy life.

[IndiReloaded]

Generally, when you find someone compatible, you get out what you put in. Holding back when your partner is giving more (and vice versa) is just as likely to result in a breakup. Pace with each other.

[pisces25]

I think the relationship would feel a bit dysfunctional if you hold back. Just be yourself. It is probably not going to hurt any more or less either way. If you like someone it hurts when they leave ya, whether you give them all or only a little bit. It's generally the ego that's taking the hit.