I'm having trouble coping with my wife's lack of interest in being intimate with me and I'd like to hear what other people have to say.
My wife and I have been together for over 10 years, and we've had a great relationship until recently. We had children a few years ago, and over the past year or so, her SD has completely evaporated. She used to be the one with subscription to a porn site, and we had a wonderful sex life, but now she has seemingly lost all interest - not just in me but everything, she stopped masturbating, no longer watches sexy movies - nothing.
Just to provide some context: She is not a golf-window or anything like that. I'm home at 5:30 everyday and I do way more than most suburban dads do. I pitch in and perform at least 50% of all the work around the house including taking the kids to school, taking them out to play, etc. I even take them out on my own every Sunday morning to give her some free time.
I'm also not doing anything that impacts our relationship negatively - I don't chat with girls online or have buddies I go out with to Hooters. I don't smoke or spend money on stupid stuff and i'm not overweight or anything else that might decrease her sexual desires. The same goes for her - she has not gained a lot of weight or had any life changes that would make her feel bad about herself.
So, where are we at? Well, we've talked about this issue a couple of times recently. I would never go online and ask for advice without at least talking to her first, right?Although she was bothered by me being unhappy and she picked up the slack for a little while, she's back to being parked on the couch playing Farmville every night and not asking if I want to be intimate anymore. When we talked she said she doesn't want to leave or anything like that - in fact, she was actually rather upset that I even said we had a problem, so i don't think it's like the end of our relationship or anything so drastic.
If I flat-out ask to be intimate, shes willing to, but even then this just entails her basically laying on the bed while I masturbate, which is not even 10% of what we used to do. If I do not ask, nothing will happen for a long time, and even then I'm not convinced of the sincerity behind it - she may be in the mode of "I'd better do something before we have another talk".
I love my wife dearly and I want to make this work. We should be both be happy. We've got to do something though - it's humiliating to be undesired and only be approached for intimacy merely to avoid another 'talk'.
Has anyone else been through something similar? Can I expect things to improve over time? Should we go to counseling?
Thanks!