Girl Broke with me>>help needed

[lilhelpplease]

I'll try to keep things short. Hope some people read this and provide some advice/encouragement Hope this helps as a way for me to vent. My name is Mike (23). Was with this girl for 3 months. Some of my dating background. Pretty much non-existent. Sorry to say that I’ve only hooked up with one other girl when I was like 19. That is it. Sad I know, I'm just really shy and am uncomfortable in social situations. So anyway, I met a girl (22) over about 3 summers ago where I work. Some background on her. Really good looking, good body, etc. Has some history of eating problems and some emotional issues, none of which I knew before I got envolved. She was the GF of one of my co-workers for like 5 years. Pretty much her only BF ever. I would see her visiting her BF at work occasionally and think nothing of it. I thought she was good looking but I would never make a move bc she is the GF of my friend and I'm really shy so wouldn't have the guts to approach her anyway. Anyway, I would see this girl occasionally only during the summer for about 2 years. Turns out, one night out, she approaches me and says she has had a crush on me for a while. I didn’t see this coming at all, just felt really flattered. But I didn’t make a move bc she was still kind of involved with her BF (who is my friend), and like I said before I am shy. We exchanged #'s though.

So about a year goes by and one night I get a text from her, saying the needs to talk to me. I never answered. So the next time I see her is during this past August (about 3 months after the text) while I'm at work. She comes up to me and says Hi, so we just chat a little about school and stuff. Then I actually grow some balls and ask if she is single, and she says yes, her and BF broke up (although this was like the 5th time over their 6 yr relationship). So I say she is welcome to visit me at work on the weekend to hang out. So she comes to my work for about a month straight on the weekends, usually with one of her female friends.

So one night after work I get the guts to ask her out. So we go out, chat, couple drinks, etc. Nothing big, little kiss on cheek when I drop her off. I had a good time and she texted me saying she did to. So the next weekend we go out again. Pretty much same deal, except she invites me into her place for a drink. We drink quite a bit, and I offer to give her a massage. Afterward I leave and give her a real kiss. So the third time we hangout, same deal, go back in her place, couple drinks etc. We start hooking up. Can’t remember who brought it up but we end up having sex. Unfortunately I can’t finish, guessing it was the nerves and a different feeling than I’m used to. Sad to say that I couldn’t finish the first 4 times we had sex. But she stuck with me even though she must of thought didn’t like her. But finally it happened and it was great! So we start hanging out weekends on a regular basis, she lives about 10 min from me. Same deal, take her out to dinner, we have fun, drink, back to her place, sex, I spend the night, leave for work next day. This goes on for about 2 months, and things are absolutely great, I even start staying over there during the week.

So here comes Christmas, she goes away for a little bit to visit parents, comes back, we exchange gifts, its all good. We hang out one more time before new years, and she takes a phone call from her EX in front of me, he is home from school and I’m guessing he says he misses her and things are really hard. Her taking this call makes me feel awkward, but I spend the night, but next day I feel lousy, she sends me a text saying sorry for what happened, and that she does not like him in that way anymore, so I believe her. So on New Years she says she is going to the city, but I know she didn’t go. Don’t know where she went or anything. But she does talk me New Years Eve night saying hello, etc. About a week goes by and texts and calls are limited. Feeling like something’s up. Turns out she says she is having anxiety attacks and has been staying in. I believe this, so I understand the lack of communication.

So one night I call her to go out and after a few drinks, she says that she thinks things moved too fast and is thinking of her old BF. Said things got serious too fast like having sex on the 3rd real date (sort of). I guess not being around her old BF during the holidays for the first time in a while brought up some feelings, which were only increased by him contacting her. This hurts me because I thought she liked me alot.

Just to close this, I spent alot of money on this girl, I feel like I was too nice and made myself available too often and she got used to things and expected them. We spent so much time together and I thought things were fantastic. Seems like this girl is having a relapse from an eating disorder to making small cuts on her wrist, which she did while I was with her. Scared the hell out of me. She also tried to kill herself about 4 yrs ago. And I guess the anxiety attacks were from deciding which guy she wanted to be with. I know I should not be with a girl with a history like this, but I thought we had a connection, and she was my first. Thought I could help her overcome some of her past issues.

It seems hard for me to meet another girl now. This happened about a week ago, I just need to get back out there and be more social, but it’s still hard mentally. Although my social skills have gone up from the experience, my confidence is gone and I guess my ego hurts. Now all I do is think about her and hope she calls saying she made a mistake and wants me back.

I appreciate it if you made it all the way through Feel free to comment.

[Gigabitch]

I read the whole thing. Wow. Poor guy- I think you're involved with a real, live Drama Queen.

Do you want her back, Mike, even though she could continue to yo-yo between you and her ex long into the foreseeable future?

[lilhelpplease]

I dont think I would want her back. But it would make me feel alot better in the short run. I found out about her past about a month into the relationship, I told myself that there is not much chance of a future. I would not want to deal with someone like that for the rest of my life. We never mentioned "love" but "I like you alot" was said. I guess this was a comfortable way of saying it without freaking out the other person so early in a relationship.

I thought I could help her and make her feel happy. It just hurts how she seemed to drop me in a matter of a week after we spent so much of the last 3 months together. Like she turned off all the feelings she had for me. Feels like she didn't appreciate me or the things I did for her (which was a lot). Guess I just made the 1st girl friend mistakes, too bad it took me so long to get involved with someone. But I guess its better than never.

[TheSphinx]

I dont think I would want her back.

Smart man, Mike. She sounds as if she's got quite a few issues to work out, and at twenty three you have ample time to meet some other women and clarify your standards.

~Sphinx

[lilhelpplease]

True Thanks

One other thing that is kind of surprising is that her Ex has hit her before. But apparently he was sorry. Still I guess she doesn't like nice guys. Maybe she needs drama?

[Gigabitch]

If she goes anywhere near him after that, then yes, she likes drama.

[lilhelpplease]

Yeah, I think that she wants to get back with him. Wouldnt be surprised if they started hanging out this weekend. Oh well, he can deal with her. Might be good at first, but I bet they'll break up again.

[gHEXjt]

True Thanks

One other thing that is kind of surprising is that her Ex has hit her before. But apparently he was sorry. Still I guess she doesn't like nice guys. Maybe she needs drama?

First of all, let's all note what this really was for her...a rebound. That by no means, means that she did not like you, because let's be honest, you got to do her, which is nice.

Anyway, she's a complete moron. Staying with a guy that hits her? WTF is that? He was "sorry?" I hope you don't believe that. She obviously has significant problems. BTW, don't think you should already feel better. One week is not very long. Just give it some time and you'll feel better.

[lilhelpplease]

Good point, I can see how this would be a rebound, but kind of sucks knowing I was that guy. Don't know if theres another word for rebound but between the time I met her and finally made my move, they were off and on, so I don;t know if it was a rebound. Maybe I was just a fill-in while her ex is off at school. Guessing since he is coming home in a couple months, he tried to start early getting her back.

Not that it really matters but she said that he hit her only once, but I guess once is too much. (I could see her making someone mad enough to do that though, not that I ever would)

I am feeling a little better though, pretty much happened a week ago from today. Thanks for the comments.