How to end it when he's been your life for 3 years

[ktatum4]

I am 20 years old and in college. I have been in a very serious relationship with my boyfriend who is 21 for about 3 years. We have had A LOT of ups and downs but I feel like it's mostly downs. I have stuck with him when he got in trouble in our earlier months of dating and he went to jail for a DUI while on probation for a month. I thought things were perfect when he got out of jail because we loved each other at that point. He gave me a promise ring when we were going out for a year, and things were going decently other than he was in drug court because of his violation of probation.

I stuck with him throughout drug court, and even the time during that when he was in work release for 6 months because he missed a drug screen. During that time I drove him everywhere because he had no license. After work release, he only had a short time left in drug court and we made it through that obstacle ( 2 years of drug court). He got out of drug court in January of this year, and ever since then things have been OKAY and it seems like we have been fighting more.

I know this is sounds like the majority of our relationship has been nowhere close to perfect. What I am asking, is SERIOUS ADVICE. I am desperate. I lost my virginity to this guy, and he is my first long and serious relationship. He took a break from school and I don't know whether or not he will go back, which also makes me question whether or not he is going to make something of himself in the future. In the back of my head I am thinking "maybe I would be happier single and living up my college life?" but I am also seriously thinking about how difficult it would be to get through the break up and how I would go about that in the first place.

Although I have been trying and trying to make things better between us, I can't help but think something is not right. I don't know what it is because I have not found someone with a similar situation to talk to. All I know is that I am DESPERATE and I need help. This situation is driving me crazy. PLEASE GIVE ME ANY ADVICE!!!

PS - The information I have given in this post is very vague, if you need to know ANYTHING else in order to give the appropriate advice please don't hesitate to ask!

[Cbrider]

Probation -------> DUI -------> Jail ------> Probation ------> Missed drug screening -------> Work release ------> No longer going to school

You aren't stupid, you can see the pattern. You're 20 and trying to support a grown man who can't support himself at any level. It's not fair to you, you should be enjoying yourself right now; college is the best 4 (in my case 6 or 8) years of your life. You have plenty of time to be a mother, why in the hell do you want to start at 20?

Relationships are a mutual thing, you shouldn't have to be trying to make things better - he should be doing something about it too, which he obviously isn't. You said you haven't found someone else with your same situation, there's a reason you haven't.

End it, be honest, tell him why you're ending it. You are going to have nasty emotional ties because you lost your virginity to him, that's evident from what you wrote, but its part of growing up. You will look back and laugh at yourself a year from now when you realize just how much you are cheating yourself.

[lahnnabell]

You have sacrificed so much time, money, and energy on this guy who has given you NOTHING but frustration. Don't burn yourself out at 20. This guy will not be the last guy you will ever date, though having lost your virginity to him and the length of the relationship will leave you grieving for a little while. Can you honestly explain to yourself or anyone something positive that you get out of this?

[starbuck]

In the back of my head I am thinking "maybe I would be happier single and living up my college life?" but I am also seriously thinking about how difficult it would be to get through the break up and how I would go about that in the first place.

Yes, you will be happier without him. His quitting school and missing drug screens are signs that this guy is not going to change. My guess is that his drug and alcohol abuse and will continue to drag you down.

It won't be easy at first, but breaking up with this guy is going to be much better for you than staying with him. You don't see it now, but months after the break up you will realize what a good decision it was to let this guy go.

[Teddy057]

I just broke up with the girl I lost my virginity to. It's devastating. But, she no longer felt strongly for me like I did her. You gotta move on though, this guy seems like a real loser. How can you picture yourself with a college drop out, drug addict in the future? Who knows, maybe you leaving him will make him realize he needs to get his shit together, maybe in a few years you'll get back together. Who knows.