Are we friends for now with the possibility of more?

[YoungCosmo]

Met this girl with whom I tagged along to downtown on a Saturday night, she with her friend and myself with my own. I talk to her throughout the night, get her phone number after asking if I could take her out sometime to get to know her better. Later that night she tells me what she told my friend (who corroborates this): she thinks I'm hot and would totally have sex with me. Which ends up happening after a couple days where we talk and get to know each other (and she straight up tells me she thinks I'm hot and uses terms of endearment).

She texts me first and she's complimented my eyes (in addition to the other physical attractiveness compliments) but on the other hand I am staying stoic and waiting things out with no expectation because she called me "buddy" the other day and one of the issues that would seem to plague any possibility of more is the fact that she had said nearly verbatim that one Saturday night: " I think he's hot but he's so shy." Now because I overthink to an extent that makes everyone else who professes to overthink look like their overthinking is nothing, I start to wonder if this might be somewhat advantageous in that she's so beautiful she probably has grown weary with the typical fodder that are most perverted or manipulative guys so this might offer some intrigue for her...She has actually told me she wants to get me out of my shell and has sent pictures of her friends and told me about them, describing what it would be like if she were to invite me to kick it with them.

Here is what I see as pros in my favor"

-She says I dress well
-terms of endearment
-not like other guys (I'm already aware MOST guys think that, don't need that pointed out)
-has shared private things with me and talked about her friends like I might meet them soon

cons
-she's UBER cool which is something I am trying to be (I've learned a lot over the past year)
-she's super popular
-maybe she only wants to be friends (wouldn't get hurt over that because I've learned how to get girls recently)

Thoughts?

[surfhb]

Being cool and popular are cons?

The girl likes you and sleeps with you....what's the problem?

[YoungCosmo]

Well it's not say that I am not willing to be social and earn her trust as far as us going out and me not ruining it by being antisocial. I just don't know exactly what she would expect out of me. I'm just being cautious in case it turns out there isn't anything more to it than the one night (or several more if she wants to or I can earn it).

[smackie9]

You have to surprise her with sporadic spurts of confidence......push and pull method.

[YoungCosmo]

You know, I was thinking that too. Should be easy for me to do. Hanging out with her makes me feel a lot more confident; I would have to be doing something right if I have her attention, n'est-ce pas? So it looks good overall? If the signs are pointing to something good, then I can do as you say. Push and pull.

[basilandthyme]

Wow, go YC! You already sound so much more confident. From what you write, I'm sure she wants more than one night with you

As for the rest of your questions, I'll answer from one awkward introvert to another.

On trying to learn to be cooler: Learning how to look your best is never a bad thing. Nor is learning how to do small talk and put others at ease. But don't lose yourself. This girl likes you for who you are - not who you're trying to be. Don't loose sight of this. Besides, it's far too exhausting trying to be someone you're not.

About her wanting to get you more social: when you're starting out meeting her friends, begin small. It's far easier to be social in a small group with more targeted conversation than in a large, noisy, crowded party where you can just feel lost and can't have a half decent conversation with anyone. Perhaps dinner with her and 4 of her friends?

FWIW, I'm STILL uncomfortable in big party situations. But this is who I am and hubby and I work around this where we can. Sometimes he will even go away for a weekend with his friends without me because I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than spend a whole weekend trying to think of what to say when talking with people who aren't close to me. (I can think of only two people who I'd go away with for a weekend) I just make excuses like having to stay with the kids...or having a prior engagement.

Anyway, I know this is about you and not me. I'm just putting my own experiences out there so that you know you're not the only awkward introvert who's forever on a personal journey.

Good luck

[Boisdevie]

Small request here - can we send the next person who uses the word 'uber' to a euthanasia clinic?

[Wakeup]

^^^ lolzzz

Welcome back, Cosmo. Don't start second guessing yourself again. Just have fun and since she sounds quite experienced, I'm thinking she'll certainly let you know when you can make your move again.

[YoungCosmo]

Wow, go YC! You already sound so much more confident. From what you write, I'm sure she wants more than one night with you

As for the rest of your questions, I'll answer from one awkward introvert to another.

On trying to learn to be cooler: Learning how to look your best is never a bad thing. Nor is learning how to do small talk and put others at ease. But don't lose yourself. This girl likes you for who you are - not who you're trying to be. Don't loose sight of this. Besides, it's far too exhausting trying to be someone you're not.

About her wanting to get you more social: when you're starting out meeting her friends, begin small. It's far easier to be social in a small group with more targeted conversation than in a large, noisy, crowded party where you can just feel lost and can't have a half decent conversation with anyone. Perhaps dinner with her and 4 of her friends?

FWIW, I'm STILL uncomfortable in big party situations. But this is who I am and hubby and I work around this where we can. Sometimes he will even go away for a weekend with his friends without me because I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than spend a whole weekend trying to think of what to say when talking with people who aren't close to me. (I can think of only two people who I'd go away with for a weekend) I just make excuses like having to stay with the kids...or having a prior engagement.

Anyway, I know this is about you and not me. I'm just putting my own experiences out there so that you know you're not the only awkward introvert who's forever on a personal journey.

Good luck

Thank you! Over the past few months I've stopped being bitter towards girls cuz I realized I was just projecting my frustrations. Ever since I've been on a couple of dates, had a girlfriend and pretty much learned how to do what I want (resulting in the girl I met who inspired this thread). Your reply has given me lots to think about and also hope that this could be something. Small talk remains a big problem, although I started out with that the night we met but after that we moved on to more substantial things and it never felt like we could run out of interesting things to say. With the friends, I am too wracked with anxiety that this won't be the case. That's something I need to work on and could use help with. After all, a guy who can be good to a girl's friends will probably look even more attractive. Not necessarily best friends but to be able to enjoy their company.

[IndiReloaded]

Hi Cosmo, welcome back.

Seems to me she is interested. Just follow her lead with a bit of your own assertiveness. Ask her out.

[dem862]

Welcome Back!

You seem to have come a long way in a short time. The key to small talk is to get someone talking about themself. Most people love talking about themselves. Don't forget your Dale Carnegie. Also be yourself. It's what your best at.

[YoungCosmo]

Yeah, that Dale Carnegie book was legit. Is there anything else you can recommend that can expand on what was presented in that book? Lots of tips but I could use a lot more. I do look online for help but I could use more resources (of course, nothing would beat hands-on experience).

[smackie9]

lol LR come on you don't need books or advice. You already are learning as you go and that is the best way to do it.....it's called experience lol.

[YoungCosmo]

Carnegie's helped me tons.

So bad news: I was talking to my buddy today and he said that she told him that night (but before we had sex) that was thinking this would be a one night stand. So this one's not more than that and she simply lives to lead guys on or collect guys she thinks are hot into a harem of guys she can tease and mess with? Just curious. Only slightly hurt but otherwise, I've got a lot going on right now so I could easily move on if this is the case. This one is too confusing for me. And I realize what I said ^^ might sound like me being as misogynist as I once was but not trying to sound that way.I'm very uncertain about this girl so that should mean then that I ought to drop it unless she does the inviting? We have so much in common and I thought connected AFTER the point where she told my friend that. After all, the sex hadn't happened yet..

I can't help but thinking after what I've done, maybe I'm not nearly a good enough guy for her so in the event that my cute little "shy guy meets hot girl and they click" scenario is even remotely true, maybe I'm not good enough to deserve it.

[smackie9]

"I'm gonna tell you how it's gonna get done
I'm just a girl that's only chewing for fun
You spit it up when all the flavor has gone
Wrap him round your finger like you're playing with gum

Oh no, oh no, you've got it all wrong
You think you're chocolate when you're chewing gum......."