Why still in my mind?

[AndyGirl]

My ex bf and I broke up in very bad terms, we dated other people and haven't spoken since. I'm happily engaged to a wonderful man, but still... He always comes to my thoughs, even when I said yes to my engagement, he was the first thing that came to my mind. I know our relationship would have never worked out, and I dont want him in my life, but why cant I just get him out?

What can I do to try and change this? I've thought that maybe talking to him, but when we have in the past we just seem to try and get back together... And I really don't want that to happen again. It's like I'm 2 different people trying to go in different directions

Any help out there?

Thanks!

[stev123]

My ex bf and I broke up in very bad terms, we dated other people and haven't spoken since. I'm happily engaged to a wonderful man, but still... He always comes to my thoughs, even when I said yes to my engagement, he was the first thing that came to my mind. I know our relationship would have never worked out, and I dont want him in my life, but why cant I just get him out?

What can I do to try and change this? I've thought that maybe talking to him, but when we have in the past we just seem to try and get back together... And I really don't want that to happen again. It's like I'm 2 different people trying to go in different directions

Any help out there?

Thanks!

go get help, this is not the place to be posting about that.

[Valixy]

Some relationships require more time for healing than others. Many people go through what you're going at the moment and it's more frequent than one would think. Indeed some people succeed to heal through a new happy relationship but if you have already spent a reasonable time with your fiance and you still feel like it's a three people relationship, you, him and the ghost of your ex, you should understand that your priority should be liberating yourself from the past.

There are little chances for you to have a full happy relationship with this new guy and it's not fair on him to be with someone who's heart longs for someone else. It's not fair on you either to feel divided like you do and with absolutely no control over your feelings and I think that you should look for therapy to help you deal with your feelings and bury the past. You aren't really happy now and you know it and if you need more time to heal in order to feel free and complete again, I don't think that you've got another choice that doing that for yourself.

[AndyGirl]

Some relationships require more time for healing than others. Many people go through what you're going at the moment and it's more frequent than one would think. Indeed some people succeed to heal through a new happy relationship but if you have already spent a reasonable time with your fiance and you still feel like it's a three people relationship, you, him and the ghost of your ex, you should understand that your priority should be liberating yourself from the past.

There are little chances for you to have a full happy relationship with this new guy and it's not fair on him to be with someone who's heart longs for someone else. It's not fair on you either to feel divided like you do and with absolutely no control over your feelings and I think that you should look for therapy to help you deal with your feelings and bury the past. You aren't really happy now and you know it and if you need more time to heal in order to feel free and complete again, I don't think that you've got another choice that doing that for yourself.

Thank you, it really has been a long time. Our problem is that we seem to be "on and off", we have called it quits so many times but when we see eachother again (we live in different countries, the big reason to our problem) it just feels right and try to work it out, but we can't, and I know that now.

I never thought that maybe my problem would need therapy, maybe I should look into it, I just want to continue with what I know will be a very happy live without this toxic relationship pulling me down

[Valixy]

So the real problem was not the distance but the toxic nature of the relationship that was pulling you down... It's good to keep that in mind!

If there has been a long time and you're still battling with these feelings, you might want to look into some therapy. It could really help you since you haven't been successful on your own. Having an emotional trauma after a conflictive relationship, that the ones afftected tend to mistake for love, is very common but complete healing occurs even if it might take longer than expected sometimes.

[AndyGirl]

Thank you so much, I really do hope I can move forward. I would like to ask your opinion, sometimes I look at his pictures with his new gf online and sometimes I feel so happy for them but others I feel hurt and think, what does she have that I don't? Is this normal? I feel it's unffair, afterall, I am also in a relationship and do not want to be with him. I feel I am just hurting myself but it's the only way I see him anymore...

[Valixy]

People need to learn a lot until they are capable to offer more in a love relationship and not make the mistakes they did with their previous partners. I doubt your ex is there yet unless he's been through some kind of personal awakening but something like that requires some extraordinary events taking place. He's the same and he will make the mistakes again. So, no matter how good they could pose together, if he hasn't changed as a person, she will leave him or she'll learn to adjust to being unhappy and putting on with his lack of love and respect.

Try to accept totally that it didn't work for you two and it never will. We can't control everything it happens in our lives and unless we learn to accept this and the fact that we sometimes lose people, relationships, opportunities, etc., we will always be very sad, hurt and bitter. You have a life to live and you should leave it fully. Your feelings that you still think you have for him are not love, they represent your incapacity to accept that life changes and that when it does, it's for your best.

[AndyGirl]

Wow thank you so much, you are totally right, you really have helped me so much! THANK YOU!

[Valixy]

Thank YOU! You'll be fine, you'll see...

[sparklypandaz97]

My ex bf and I broke up in very bad terms, we dated other people and haven't spoken since. I'm happily engaged to a wonderful man, but still... He always comes to my thoughs, even when I said yes to my engagement, he was the first thing that came to my mind. I know our relationship would have never worked out, and I dont want him in my life, but why cant I just get him out?

What can I do to try and change this? I've thought that maybe talking to him, but when we have in the past we just seem to try and get back together... And I really don't want that to happen again. It's like I'm 2 different people trying to go in different directions

Any help out there?

Thanks!

if he made a big impact on your life then he will probably be on your mind a lot. i would go get some help somewhere else. this is a very serious topic considering you are engaged