Hello all.
I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 6 months. We were broken up for a bit last year and dated around 6 months prior to that. I'm feeling like an un-supportive girlfriend in my situation and was hoping for other opinions.
He is 43 and I am in my mid 30's. Over a decade ago, long before we ever met, he was in a semi successful local band. He's a very talented musician. His friends all act surprised and impressed that I've never seen the 'rockstar' side of him and am still completely in love with him.
After his band dissolved, he formed another smaller band and they played several gigs at bars on Friday and Saturday nights...on average around 5-6 times a month. This was probably around 5 years ago.
About 3 years ago, he suggested the trio take a break as 2 of the 3 members (not him) had new babies.
Recently, he's been talking about how he wants to rekindle the musical trio and play again in gigs and plans to start playing in shows again in the summer. I can tell he misses playing music, and I want him to engage in a creative outlet because it clearly makes him happy.
However, I find it bothersome in some respects and I'm finding myself feeling annoyed with the idea, and at the same time feeling very selfish.
We spend 2-3 nights a week together, and the majority of that time is during weekends.
If he is planning to reform this band, and play in paid gigs, it means the following: we will have to sacrifice some time together, (a massive chunk actually) mainly on the weekends. When we only spend 2-3 nights a week together as it is, that seems like a lot and a rather large sacrifice. Between rehearsing, and shows, I'm aware that it's a chunk of time he's going to be devoting to this. The time won't easily be made up during the week, as we both work full time and do not live together.
It also means the majority of places they play are in bars...and semi trashy ones at that. While I would like to go see him play now and then, I don't particularly want to spend all of my weekends sitting in bars. Having my boyfriend play in bars 3-6 weekend nights out of the month sounds kind of depressing and lonely to me.
I feel pretty torn. I want to be supportive of his talent and I want to support what he enjoys. At the same time, part of me feels like there's no real reason he has to completely devote himself to playing in paid gigs when he's 43, works ful ltime and is in a relationship. It makes me feel like I'm being selfish, but I wanted some other opinions. To make it clear: I would never make him choose between us and his music. If playing for audiences on weekends is what he needs to be happy, then I would never ask him to not do that.