have a problem with the no contact rule

[ktm390]

a couple nights ago we got in a fight and my girl left at 3am and she has no phone so i cant call her and she has not tried to contact me either. but i could go to her work to talk (if she shows up that is) but here is my problem.... i want to get her back and everything i have been reading says to stop all contact with her for 2 weeks. she left ALL of her stuff here because we lived together. we just moved to a small town and she has no family close and only one friend in town so i'm thinking she might try to get a plane ticket to fly to arizona where her dad lives. last time we got in a big fight she tried to contact him for a plane ticket. so i dont think i really have the luxury of waiting two weeks, because if she moves to arizona and i'm in oregon i'll never get her back. her friend in town emailed me yesterday saying my girl is ok and wants to come get her stuff 'sometime'. so should i try to find her and talk to her or wait until she comes back to get her stuff, which by then it might be too late. this sucks so bad! oh yeah before i read about the no contact rule i emailed her twice but not begging her to come back. in one i asked her to contact me and let me know she is ok so i didnt have to worry. and in the other i basically said i was sorry and that i love her, which i know was the wrong thing to do but at that point i didnt know any better. i just dont know what to do. thanks for any advice

[IncognitoSir]

Well, what was the fight about? Then we can give you better advice. Details matter.

[ktm390]

honestly i dont remember how the fight started. it seems like they always start over something small then just snowball out of control with both of us saying the most hurtful things we can. and i know you might say well maybe its for the best that you two arent together anymore but i dont want to hear that. because we rarely fight but when we do its intense but when we are happy its more intense. its still like when we first got together, after a year and a half. i've never had that happen before. so please dont tell me to let it go.

[MerryH]

so please dont tell me to let it go.

Well, alright, but if she doesn't want to get back together with you, at some point (soon) you're going to have to accept it and stop trying to get her back.

I've seen people here talk about the no-contact rule that they read about online somewhere. I've never read it, so I may be wrong, but I think people misunderstand it a lot? I don't think you're just supposed to pretend like you're moving on for two weeks, you're supposed to actually work towards moving on in two weeks. Like, people use it as some sort of magical game where she'll automatically want to get back with you, all you have to do is not contact her for a specific amount of time. Whatever, my point is those rules you read about confuse people into doing stupid things and it's silly to act precisely how those articles tell you to act.

I think it would be inappropriate to show up at her job or anywhere else and basically ambush her. She should have the opportunity to decide if she wants to speak to you. Send a message through her friend asking if she'll meet with you. If she says no and the next time you're able to see her is when she's coming over to get her stuff because she's booked a flight already, it means she's serious. Moving all your stuff out and leaving the state is a pretty serious commitment to breaking up, and I think you should respect that and let her go on her way. You tried, but she's done, so that's it. Over.

So good luck. Try a little bit, but ultimately it's up to her.

[ktm390]

actually she just showed up here out of the blue to get some of her things and i acted like i didnt care and she started crying and saying she still loves me. gave me a couple hugs too, which i cut short. she kept tryin to hang around by stalling. so i got her to take her things and go. she also brought up wanting to talk to me tomorrow and said she is gonna call me and talk tomorrow. it was hard to fight telling her how much i love her and how i want her back but it obviously worked at least a little bit. just gotta keep it up no matter how hard it is. dont know if i should talk to her when she calls tomorrow or not?