If you contact her it's over...

[nebulachic]

I just found out my b/f cheated on me with an ex-g/f via email months ago to the point they were talking about buying a home together someday. He told me it's over with her and it was just infatuation but I'm not sure I believe him. I know her email address and would like to contact her myself in a non-defensive way just asking if it really is over. She does know about me based on the emails. He told me if I ever contact her he will end our relationship.

WTF???? That seems a little over-the-top to me!

Anyone else??

[misombra]

Haven't you already talked to her?

[vashti]

Is this ANOTHER woman he cheated with?

Anyway, it's clear he doesn't love you or respect you. If he did, he would allow you to do this to ease your worries.

[Gigabitch]

I thought you broke up with him! What the ****, neb?

[IndiReloaded]

Hahaha! I TOLD you she was seeing him. LOL!

I think I said this before: what she says doesn't matter. Its what he says and does that is your concern. Even if it is over with her, this wouldn't prevent him from messing around with someone else.

Of course, he could be offended you don't trust him. Which you don't. Which leads me to ask: why are you still dating him?

[IndiReloaded]

If he did, he would allow you to do this to ease your worries.

How is he preventing her, exactly? By threatening to break up? Meh, this is a no-win situation.

If it means that much, she should just contact the ex, not tell him & go from there. Mbe fess up at a later time when the emotions aren't quite so raw b/c he will definitely see this as a trust issue. If the ex & he talk and it all goes to shit, nothing lost, right?

[Charlie Boy II]

This girl's like bethfromEngland and David12 - you may as well piss your words up against a well because none of 'em are going to you the slightest heed.

[vashti]

I bet he is still seeing the other woman on the side, and that's why he doesn't want nebulachick to contact her.

[nebulachic]

I am not seeing him anymore. He broke it off with me about 2months ago after I told him I had contacted the other woman. I wanted to see if this aspect (him saying he would break it off if I contacted her) seemed like a legitimate/valid reason to break things off. He said in Jun he wanted to take a break from seeing me indefinetly and then it came out he might go see her when she visited his sister which is what pushed me finally to contact her. She says she never asked if he would be there but that he just said he would.

[Al Pacino]

if he had nothing with her he should allow you to e-mail her normaly ...

[IndiReloaded]

You don't need his permission to contact anyone.

I can understand why you'd be suspicious. The whole situation seems really weird to me. The fact is, you don't trust him/his feelings about her, and you've broken up. So why are you still obsessing over this? Are you trying to find out his 'real' reason for breaking it off?

Its b/c he's immature and doesn't really know what he wants. Or can't articulate it clearly, or both. And doesn't know how to reassure a partner about a concern of theirs (that isn't altogether unreasonable, based on your posts about the situation). Or, he was being outright deceitful about the whole thing. But so what? Isn't your response to wash your hands of him regardless? What else do you need to know?

[Gigabitch]

Neb, I suspect that you're trying to find some way to make the last couple of years of your life, which you spent in pursuit of this man, something more than a waste of time.

I think I told you this before- it's never a waste if you learned something. You want to know what a waste is? Your ex. He's a waste of space and a waste of any more of your precious life. Learn the lesson and move on.