"friend" pushing me away.

[blue102]

I'm quasi-happily married with kids. My marriage is fine but it lacks passion, you know how that goes.

I am a member of an online forum where I've been friends with this guy for about 2 years. We have talked about once a week on chat since that time. I am not really into him in that way, but we've been good friends for quite a while. I've talked to him about my marriage and lots of other things.

Lately he's been pushing me away and blowing me off. He quit chatting with me once a week (but still asks to chat occasionally). He's also acting weird on the forum, acting like a jerk, hitting on all the women except me, and accusing other ladies of being immoral cheats. (I don't cheat on my husband but I feel like he is passively insulting me, because of our conversations).

I think that maybe he's gotten too interested in me and that's why he's acting so wishy washy. He knows I wouldn't leave my husband and kids, especially not for someone like him, lol. What do you think?

[Lord Darkshire]

Yup you got it. Just let him be.

*It should tell you he doesn't interact well with women in real life so he uses the internet instead. Very insecure behavior.

[blue102]

Thanks, more replies are welcome too.

We had a great chat about a month ago. He has some issues and I try to give him support. It makes me feel good to do it and I like the guy, as a friend. So I was really confused when he cut off contact for a while after that. Not chatting but still being nice to me on the forum. (Calling me hot stuff and things like that, too.) Then all the sudden, he wants to chat again, and talk on the phone. So I call him, he doesn't answer (not like I really expected him to). Then the weird mixed signals begin.

I don't know if something I said pissed him off, or is he bored of me? Or is he falling in love with me?

I guess my feelings are hurt, I thought we were friends.

[Wakeup]

My question is why are you so concerned with a man you've never met? You seem to be carrying on an emotional affair with if you're so concerned that he's not paying attention to you and getting jealous when he's concentrating on other woman on the site. Does your husband know that you're chatting and talking on the phone with this man? If he does, what does he suggest about your situation?

[blue102]

My husband doesn't seem to care. Like I said, our marriage is not that great.

[Negan]

Yep, most comments above already said what's to say. He may be an extremely insecure, lonely fellow in real life and projects that by acting "like a jerk" on the internet, hitting on virtual women (chicks on the forum) and things like that. Your marriage seems to be the typical affair of our (****ed up) society. Got married with some guy you dated for a while, quickly got some kids, i bet you're also not that great financially...

My advice, stay away from him and concentrate more on what you already have, even if it's not the promised land

[Wakeup]

My husband doesn't seem to care. Like I said, our marriage is not that great.

One of the reasons I can tell you why your marriage is not that great is because you're only half in it. Your focus seems to be on viewing your exes social networking site (which means you're having trouble leaving the past where it should be) as well as with this guy that you're hooked on who you've not even met yet. Get yourself away from thoughts and actions with these two men and communicate with your husband where your head is at and let him know you're not happy the way things are so that he at least has the knowledge to try and resolve the marital issues.

You say he doesn't seem to care that you're chatting up another man and drinking in his flirtations and compliments. BUT have you even let him know that you're doing such things? "Doesn't seem to care" how could he if he doesn't know it's going on?

I'll add that its hardly good advice to be giving another poster that you're happily married and you do the same thing as what the oposter was complaining that her husband does and she shouldn't worry about it when you're hardly "happily" married if you're carrying emotions for an ex of 10 years ago and in love with a fantasy man from the internet and trying to let us believe that you're worried about the friendship. If it was just a platonic friendship to you, you'd not care that he's flirting with other women and you'd be glad that hes happily living his fantasy existence.

I guess my feelings are hurt, I thought we were friends.

Where are your REAL friends.. the ones you interact with in real life? Call up your gurls, have some real fun with them or, if you have no real female friends then join some groups or take some courses where you'll meet a kindred spirt of your own sex so that you'll quit checking out of your own marriage.

[blue102]

Thanks and I think you're right. I have severe depression which i'm currently in therapy for and I think that's part of my problem. I can't be happy and I keep looking elsewhere for ..what's the word... affirmation? I'm also a housewife, and my kids are little which makes it really hard to have "friends", along with the depression. I'm crying right now. Yay for anonymous forums.

Anyway, thanks for the advice and for not being too hard on me.

[Wakeup]

Blue, have you thought about joining some sort of Moms and Tots organization in your area. You'll meet women like yourself who are staying home and rearing their kids to be good citizens of the future . There's free library progammes for kids as well where you'll meet other woman who are looking to mingle with adults.

Talk to your hubby and tell him that you're feeling underappreciated and more like the chief cook and bottle washer than a viable, sexy life partner of the man you love. Tell him you want a date night at least once or twice a month and the occassional weekend away without the kids. Give him a chance to realize that he's not being the seducer he once was before the kids came along. Work on what you're in so it works ... not on some fantasy that only helps to put a further wedge between the emotional connection you and your husband should be enjoying with one another. Leave the online stuff alone and work on getting yourself happy with the help of your therapist discusson and the new found interest you and your hubby have rekindled. At least by giving up on the online thrills, communication and therapy you'll know you've tried.

Good luck with everything.