A word from the ladies...please!

[n2u4reelguy]

Aegis: So I merged these 'cause they're all the same thing, as far as I can tell.

Hi everyone,

I new on on-line anything but I hope I can draw both support and advice from all quarters as it relates to a situation i find myself in with a woman I care so muh for. She wants to end the relationship of 5-months abd obviously I want to continue on.

Candidly, I lied to her or rather put off telling her that I was laid of my job; I did not tell her immediately but I did tell her about a month after the fact. At the time I felt that I did not want to burden her with my issues, especially one so gut-wrenching. She is a single mom of 3 on a very tight budget and I did not want to feel like baggage and I was embarassed; looking back in hindsight I can see how unreasonable my logic but at the time it seemed te thing to do.

I can understand her to a certain degree but in my book this is a misdeanor not a felony; prior to this I have been nothing but honest and candid with her even to the point where she has a key to my place. In short I have nothing to hide and I also know woman are from venus and men are from mars but I'm struggling to understand her at this point and I want her back.

what say you?

Ladies,

I need your help to understand something here; I have been dating a wonderful woman for 5-months; the 2- of us hit it off immendiately and we have shared so much time together since we've been hooked up and things were just fantastic between us. Well, I got laid off about a month ago but I did not tell her immediately; I was embarassed about it and I did not want her to worry her or in my mind's thinking be burden in anyway;

Well, I told her and she said it freaked her out that I did not tell her sooner; truth is I did led her to believe I was working for the same company on at least 2-ocassions which was wrong to the core, admittedly. Since I have told her the full honest truth; although only 5-months with her this is the only incident and I really want to stay with her; she's wonderful and I believe we have great potential together.

what can I do?

Hello everyone,

so here goes; I met this terrific lady about 5-months ago; we haven't had any problems in the young but yet meaning full relationship (((so I thought) until a week ago. Before I can proceed I have to say that being with her, intimately and otherwise, has been like no one before her and I know she was feeling the same thing; there are certain feeling and emothions that people share togther that can't be faked.

So, about a month ago I was laid off my job (mortgage business, right?) and it really freaked me out. I wanted to tell her but I felt embarassed and ashamed and I truly did not want to worry her about my issues; she's a single mom of 3 with enough going on. So, I wanted to go in alone and not put more on her plate, initially.

On at least 2-ocassions she asked if I was still there and I was not honest about it; I just did not know how she would react; I was was so very wrong and boy do I ever regret it now.

Anyway, a week ago I told her about the lay-off and she said it freaked her out that I did not tell her sooner but I told her the truth in that I was embarassed and ashamed and did want her to worry about me; the lay off was tough emotionally because I have so many friends of 6-years I had to part with in addition to the grind of finding another job.


So she wants out of the relationship at this point; I know she still feels for me but trust is a huge issue for her; very much so. I know what I did was not right and will never again do this but I want her back so bad; I've lost sleep and my appetite over this.

I know part of her wants to shut it down but I cannot help feeling there's still a chance here; if I did not care so much for her I'd take a walk but this lady is so very special to me.

What's a man to do??

[miSSleepy]

Just tell her you were to ashamed to tell her and didn't want her thinking badly of you. Promise to let her know everything else from now on etc. If she doesn't let it pass that's really odd... I don't see it as something major.

[shh!]

Do you have a broader history of having difficulty maintaining employment?

[n2u4reelguy]

I have been employed since I was 15-years old! I was with that company for 6-years and has since found other work; this has been a strange 6-weeks! In my heart I'm saying u must know me better than that; I lied but I'm not a liar! I have no secrets to hide from here. We've had 2-other incidents that could cause a break up; neither had to do with lying and we pulled through strong.

Is she really just tripping out or did I committ a cardinal sin here??

[n2u4reelguy]

not at all; I was with the compnay 6 years so it came as quite a shock to me when I got my walking papers

[shh!]

The thing is that people tend to be a bit suspicious in the early part of a relationship; they worry they are making a bad choice, wasting their time, being used, don't know the quality of a person's character, etc. Dating for 5 months isn't really long enough to give a girl a sense of security, and you lied to her for 1/5 of the duration of your relationship.

What were the two other incidents that might have caused a breakup? Because it seems that three big events is a lot in 5 months, although I agree with misSleepy that this current one seems like a non-issue considering you are now employed (or at least, it would be for me)...

EDIT - I see on your other thread she is a single mother of 3 kids - this would make her all the more cautious. She has to worry about the welfare of her babies, and hooking up with a guy who is unstable or is a potential liar is not a good plan.

Also, you should condense your two threads. Everyone replies to all threads, anyway.

[n2u4reelguy]

the 2 other incidents had not to do with lies or anything like that; we had to deal with an abortion and an ex showed up at my door unexpectedly once 4-months ago; I'm trying to understand and reassure her becuase the 2 of us generate serious vibes; I want to keep her

[shh!]

Oh, boy. The abortion would be the death of most relationships. It sounds to me very likely that this lying was the straw that broke the camel's back. I don't know how this situation can be fixed. Sorry... I'd suggest you consider moving on.

[n2u4reelguy]

the abortion was dealt with mutually and we moved on and decided to date exclusively afterwards; u could be right but I want to give this another shot; when I spoke with her last she said this is how she feels now but maybe it could change

[shh!]

I don't know any mother of children who can accept an abortion the way a teenager could. Maybe she is different, but I doubt it.

[n2u4reelguy]

it was a tough choice but in our situation it was the right one; we made a terrible mistake and dealt with it the best way possible; if I wasn't feeling this woman the way I do I would simply move on; this is tough for me

[n2u4reelguy]

Thanks everybody for your input and advice; believe me it helps