When She Says "I like you as friend but nothing more" is it over?

[ryderr]

I really dont understand the situation I'm in.

This girl and I met about 1 and a half months ago, so 6 weeks ago. Every single weekend since then we have met up and got closer and closer.

We both get along really well and enjoy spending alone time with each other.
In the 2nd week she said that we are 'friends with benefits' and I didnt have a problem with that until we started hanging out more.

On the 2nd weekend of meeting we were making out together and getting very cuddly, continuously touching each other.

On the 3rd weekend we had sex and it has continued since then.

Every weekend since then we have hanged out with each other, gone to the mall, talked, then she usually comes to mine to watch a movie and it goes on from there.
We share things with each other that you wouldnt normally tell other people, and she is always giving me really strong body language and cant keep from touching me.

Anyway after 6 weeks in I told her that I think this friendship was moving further than 'friends with benefits', she said she realised that when I held her hand in the club on a night out making it sound as if its my fault it was moving more than 'friends with benefits'.

We had a conversation about it (on facebook because we cant see each other during the week due to work etc) and i asked her what her feelings were towards me, she said 'She really likes me but not more than a friend' which actually shocked me. Because over the past few weeks her attitude and emotions towards me have changed allot:

- she would sit on my lap while hanging out leaning her head back on my shoulder
- kissing my cheek out of no where
- hugging me from behind when watching the computer
- worrying if I got home safe after a night out
- flirting more often
- grabbing me around the waist, looking into my eyes, then we start kissing whilst walking through the city
- and her body language changed dramatically in the last 2 weeks, no matter what we are doing she will find a way to touch me (for example sitting on a seat in the park she will put her legs on mine, lightly punching me, ALWAYS bumping into me while walking somewhere while making light hand contact)
- and in the club while guys were hittting on her she would always look at me like she had no interest in the guy and wanted me to save her, and after any guy would hit on her she would put her arms around me and kiss me as if showing me she is only thinking of me
-also the way she looks into my eyes, its as if she is starting into my soul. She never looked at me in this way at the start, i dont really know how to explain it but its an amazing thing


and after all this I thought that she would have feelings for me, but during the conversation she continually repeated that "I cant change her opinion" and "she likes me as a friend and nothing more"

She said that we should stop the kissing because we will get to close, we should just hang out, have good conversations and have fun. She would then say that "she shouldn't of done any intimate things with me because she knew that I wouldn't be able to handle my emotions during this friends with benefits". Making it sound like its my ****en fault that I have emotions, look at what she was doing.


I just have no idea how a girl can act like that, show affection, be that close and everything else then say 'I only like you as a friend and nothing more'. I try to believe what she says but the way she looks into my eyes when we hang out tells a different story (i know that might sound weird, but i can seriously see something different to what she says when she looks into my eyes)

WHAT THE **** IS GOING ON?

Any advice would be great.

[Boisdevie]

She doesn't want a physical relationship with you and the whole 'like you as a friend' stuff is just to let you down gently. Whether she's wrong, right or just crazy does not matter. It's over. That's what happens in real life.

[ryderr]

You really think all that stuff comes down to 'its over'?

Is she doesn't want a physical relationship then why is she always wanting to kiss me, and we are always making out. She's only suggesting we stop kissing because she thinks that will help us from not getting any more emotional with each other.

She said last weekend 'we should stop kissing' aswell as this weekend but we always end up kissing each other no matter what.

And we always end up having sex, even though she says 'we should stop the kissing'.

So what does that mean?

[surfhb2]

She playing games

She doesn't want a relationship

[Rowen]

Surfhb2 said it best. It is over.

I know this may be hard to take, but some people are really into the entire chase part of a relationship instead of the actual closeness. That being said, when the flirting and all is through, they pull away, and you find out they were just manipulating you the entire time. I think you seem like a level headed guy and have already put this together, but I think you've came here and posted this because you're still wanting to keep hope instead of just accepting that it's over. Maybe I sound out of line, but that's what I'm picking up here...

Regardless, do you really want to be with a woman who plays games like that? Someone who will make you feel like a million bucks- the most special guy in all of the world- only to turn right around and tell you that you're the problem? That she only "likes you as a friend"? Do you really want that kind of heartache when you could be with someone who respects you and doesn't make you second guess their intentions when they go to show you their affections?

She's playing you like a fiddle for sex; can't you see that? She wants a casual physical encounter with a man that doesn't mean anything, and when the guy gets close, she pulls away because the fact the situation is not in her control and wrapped around her desires make her uncomfortable. Life is too short to waste it on games like that; you need a woman who won't pull away and can be serious about a relationship. So, my best advice is to forget her and take some time to yourself (avoiding her, mind you) to heal before going out and getting back on the horse.

I wish I could tell you there's a chance, but the way I see it, you lost before you started. Sorry if that's blunt...

[ryderr]

Well I was thinking the same thing about the games and you are right when you think I'm hoping that it could work out instead of accepting it's over.

I just need to get over it and move on.

[pcmaster]

Shes heart is broken or taken already. Next time be more carefull to avoid monsters like that.

[Rowen]

Speaking from experience, ryderr, it gets better. If you need someone to talk to, you may PM me.

I know it's a difficult thing for you to go through right now, but it'll be okay.

[ashley89]

it sounds like she just wanted sex but didn't want anything else out of it. since she clearly said she only likes you as a friend nothing more, I would answer your original question with yes, it is over. I think it's going to be difficult being just friends with her after being sexually involved and since you have feelings as well. I'd take a break from her for awhile, being around her will be too hard and may end up making you feel more hurt than you already are.