Moved for love, regretting it. Help!?

[bosko88]

So, my boyfriend was going to move to SC to be with me after he left the Army. We talked about it a lot. Then, he visited home (NH) for 2 months and realized that now that he was home, he couldn't leave since he had been gone so long in the military. His entire family is there, and his friends, and he wanted to go to college there. So, completely blindsided, I had to decide if I was going to move there. He said it was totally up to me, that we could continue our LDR. But I love him and had been planning on living together, so I left my life behind and moved.

Now, I've been here a year. We are living with his parents, which I ABSOLUTELY HATE. But we can't afford to move out since he's in school, and he got a dog which we can't bring to an apartment. Also, I hardly see him because he's so busy working and going to school. So, I hang out with his parents or alone. We're hardly affectionate any more, and I feel so lonely when he leaves to hang out with his friends. I feel like I'm becoming more of his sister living in this house. I feel like he doesn't understand my homesickness and frustration when I'm left to do nothing while he has fun golfing or doing guy stuff when I came here just to spend time with him.

I'm a quiet person and have tried to make friends, but I haven't found many people. Everyone makes me miss my best friends even more. I wish my bf and I could at least have our own place. His parents house doesn't feel like home and they are ALWAYS here. Uncomfortable.

I'm thinking of moving home and going back to school since I can't find a job with my art degree..he won't give me any personal feelings besides, "I know how hard it is to be far away from home," and "I always think school is a good idea." But, he still cares and loves me.

AHHHH I LOVE him, but I also love my home in SC. What should I do?????

[basilandthyme]

You're miserable and feeling neglected. What is there to love?

End the relationship - DON'T do long distance again - and move home. It's not like you're married to the guy

[namemyname]

Here's the problem as I see it.

You said you moved there to be with him. You should have said you moved there to be with him and start a new life.

I think a lot of your frustration is because you are completely and entirely dependent on him for all of your emotional and social needs. I'm sure if he came to SC, you'd still be going out with your friends and pursuing other interests. You somehow seem to expect him to sit at home with you all day and night, and forsake his friends. I'm sure he would encourage and support you having your own life instead of being a lump, and TBH, I don't think any guy would find a woman like this to be attractive...

So, if you say you want to move home and go back to school, why not stay in NH and go to school there? Then you could still be with him, have your own career goals, and certainly make friends with your classmates.

If this is not an option, then yeah, move home, but that will be the end of the relationship.

[michelle23]

if hes always busy-then i think you should move home. while i agree part of the problem is your dependant on him and you have no friends, job, hobbies,school. i also think its wrong and selfish that he hasnt tried to help you fit in there. i mean he could have introduced you to his friends and their gfs. he could make an efort to spend more time with you and include you instead of leaving you at home with his parents all the time.

i think it was a big mistake giving up everything to be swith him. no man is worth that and id saty this was always gona end badly no matter what.

you should learn from this experience-long distance rarely works-nor does sacrificing your whole life and all the peole in it to be with one person.

brak up, go hom, focus on your career , your family, friends and when your ready find someone local and dont make big decisions like living together until you have been together at least a year and have already spent a lot of time together

[bosko88]

It's not that I expect him to be with me all the time. I work 50 hours a week and my schedule is opposite of his school and work. So I only see him on Sundays. And he'll use that day to go out all day. Like once a month we go do something together. I'm not thattttt needy :/ lol. The main problem is just I feel like it makes no difference to him if I'm here or not. Like he's reverted back to when he lived here when he was a teenager and does what he would do even if I wasn't here. He cares, but I just thought we would be moving forward, ya know?

[bosko88]

He made it sound like we would get engaged soon and start a life together. Not be cooped up with his parents like we're siblings. I mean we've been together for 4 years and we did the first 3 long distance and we were perfect. I don't know why it's so different just since I've been living here.

[namemyname]

You shouldn't have moved without a ring, but, hindsight is 20/20.

You were fine long distance, because you never saw each other, and therefore, had no idea what he was like to date on a day by day basis.

Now you do.

[Boisdevie]

OP has been watching too many romantic films on TV methinks. I bet when Tom Hanks finally get to spend time with the girl in 'Sleepless in Seattle' they eventually realised that they were'nt compatible.

[michelle23]

3 years long distance is a fantasy relationship. You have no idea whether it will work or not until you are seeing each other regularly and guess what? Its not working. Just go home. Technically you have only been with him properly a year and you are unhappy. Get out now.

Plus you need a man who runs on the same schedule as you. If you work mon-fri days, find someone who does the same. That way you have evenings and weekends to spend time together.

If you dont want to give up your job-then move out and find a room mate somewhere. Make friends, join a few hobbies, go out more. You can have a life there without him if thats what you want or you can go back home to all the people you love and find a new job

[TablesandChairs]

These long distance/moving in before you've properly met scenarios are ridiculous - what planet are you all from?

Why would you move in with his parents? That can put strain on even the most long-term of relationships, let alone a relationship that was in its infancy. You needed time and privacy to get to know each other...not just be dumped with his parents in a different town, no friends, no family...

Also, given that you've made this move and given that you haven't had the time or opportunity to develop any of your own friendships, he should be making every effort to ensure you don't feel neglected or lonely - that means taking you with him when he goes out instead of leaving you behind with his parents.

You've sacrificed plenty to be with him. What has he done.

[michelle23]

ya my guess is hes not that into you. hes prob waiting for you to move out. sorry but my bf spends most his free time with me. your bf wont even give you a few hours on a saturday? its not working

[Am I crazy?]

I think your best bet would be to schedule a visit back to your home for a week or two. You already know what it feels like to miss home, now see if you have the same feelings about missing him. Then decide which feeling are stronger and stay or go to where it feels best. Relationships are not supposed to make you miserable, your man has already figured that out and decided that he did not want to leave his home. Now its your turn to contemplate that same decision.

[paythebills]

Why did you move for? never leave everything behind just for a guy until you're married to him atleast

[bosko88]

We had talked about getting married and a house. But he hasn't proposed and he still has years of school before he can get a better job. I didn't realize how bad living with his parents would be and that our schedules would be COMPLETELY opposite.

[michelle23]

So what are you gonna do? Have you told him how you feel? This relationship is still long distance even though you live in the same house. Have you ssked him how he feels? It sounds like your strangers..