confusion

[rateyes]

This is kinda hard to explain for me, so if there is confusion ask questions, may be easier to explain through questions.

so, im not sure whats wrong but past 9-12 months or so ive been feelin depressed. I for some reason dont want to allow my self to be happy with another person(girl). I will even stop my self from flirtin with any girls im attracted to(I wont touch them in a flirty way, even if they try to touch me, i wont use any flirty wording). Ive started acknowledging it and want to stop this but for some reason i wont allow myself to stop. Before all this started i was only truly happy when i was with someone i cared about any other time i was in a deep state of depression and self pity. Along with not allowing myself to want to be with someone and be happy, ill also tell myself that they can find someone better who will make them happier than i ever could.

Like right now ive been hanging out with 2 different girls that i find very attracting and would like to ask one of em out. But like i said i will keep myself from flirting with them. Some times i will even decline hanging out with them so that they don't think i want to hang, so that they wont start liking me, etc,etc. I wont allow myself to be around any girls i would have sex with either.

So im not sure if i should tell someone and get help, if i need help.. cuase im not a person to but a burden on anyone. I would rather handle it on my own than have someone else have to bother with their time helpin me.(if i need help.)