Mixed Signals - WHAT is he thinking?!?!?!

[jslaughter]

Friends,

If I seem like a relationship idiot it's only because I am.

I am "dating"*, Drew the divorced man with the son, (You know the one who likes to traumatize me by staying at his ex's house) and as I mentioned I knew I wouldn't see him at all this weekend as he had his son the whole weekend. Sunday night he called me from his ex's house while his son was playing and we chatted for a few minutes. I confessed that I had planned to stop by his store that morning but ended up having lunch with the 'rents so I didn't get there. He told me he thought I might stop by, but then he confessed that he looks for me daily. (my little heart was just happily thumping away.)

Well yesterday I called him to see what was going on for this week. (I knew his work schedule but was trying to find out when he had his son.) He's off today but told me that he needed to spend the day alone. I understand and I am behind that 110% - I am a chick who likes her space too. However, he tacked on that he had his son Friday and Saturday so he "didn't know when we would see each other again." I confess I was devastated. I want to see him. Frankly, we only see each other once a week and I would like to see more of him. I am under the impression that he's at a take it or leave it state of mind. Anyway - our conversation ended shortly after that.

The petulant child in me thinks I should NOT call him until I hear from him first, but even typing that it seems childish and immature. I just don't want to want this whole thing more than he does. HOWEVER at the same time I have always prided myself on learning lessons from my past relationships but never bringing baggage with me. I have never stopped trusting, showering people with affection and attention, ok I admit it I am a Hallmark Gold Crown member - I like doing the little things.

Should I slam on the brakes and wait and see what he does or am I MAJORLY over-reacting?

Julie

* Dating - we see each other, and have a relationship but have not had any talks about not seeing other people, etc.

[Clifton]

didnt people advize you to dump this guy anyway? if hes sleeping in the same bed with his ex, hes obviously not that interested in you.

[jslaughter]

didnt people advize you to dump this guy anyway? if hes sleeping in the same bed with his ex, hes obviously not that interested in you.

Actually the feedback I got on "that" issue was pretty much "to proceed with caution" - towards the end of the thread when I gave the schedule explanation and everything, even some of the people had to admit there did seem to be some logic at work. HOWEVER, he has not stayed overnight at his ex's house since then - he stayed with his parents this weekend, but took his son to his ex's house to swim and play with his friends Sunday afternoon.

But I think its possible that you are right - he may not be that interested in me. (Which sucks, but such is life.)

[english lad]

By the sounds of it you've stuck around and put up with the situation far longer than can be reasonably expected of you.

Spending time with his son is understandable, but spending most of that time with his ex aswell!?!?! that doesn't sound right ?

What do you think he would do if his ex asked him back ? If you think he would go back to her, then I wouldn't put yourself through this anymore.

[jslaughter]

I decided I wasn't going to call him or get in touch with him until I heard from him. We haven't spoken since Monday. I have already made plans for this weekend with friends.

I'm bummed but its better to know.

[squirrley]

Girl if Ive learned one valuable lesson in my few experiences-dont rely on a man. Ok dont do it. I dont mean to sound harsh-cause I love them too. And I want to give give and give...but DONT let this trip you out. If they say theyre gonna call or whatever and they dont-its ok...and its ok for you to worry SOME. But dont over analyize it. Its cool really. You already know the red flags in this relationship-its up to you if you want to continue to put YOURSELF through this...do you?

[jslaughter]

Squirrley - as always your wisdom and guidance is always apprecaited.

I think what TOTALLY SUCKS about this situatuion is that I have always tried so hard to keep an open heart in relationships. I think that while my relationship experience has matured me it hasn't kept me from doing all those silly, romantic, girly things - love letters, surprise him with dinner, remember all of his favorites, picnics. I have even stooped to the silly level of throwing a Six Month anniversary party (With a GI Joe theme) for one bf who was having a super bad day on our six month anniversary. (And he collected GI Joes)

My point is going through crap like this kind of saps my girlish enthusiasm for doing things for men. It kinda makes me wonder if I wouldn't get further being a crazy &%$#@ like some of the chicks I see out there!

*sigh* Ain't dating just grand?

Jules

[BillyGalbreath]

God damn ! I would LOVE for someone to do those things for me ! I never find the women that seem to be willing to tho. I am like that too. I will remember every little thing she likes, suprise her with things, I have even gotten up and made her breakfast in bed. I have always treated by woman like she was a goddess. But sadly I get the boot too.

I never went thru a 'dating stage' in my life so I have to say aint LIFE grand ?

[squirrley]

Jules-see you sound like me in the department of give give give and go the extra mile when you dont have to-thats pretty cool you did a GiJoe theme! damn he had to have loved that one and appreciated it!

I dont think its bad to wear your heart on your sleeve-its not-and it certainly not bad for us to do those little things-it shows how much you truly care...I think its awesome you can do those things without a thought and or hesitation-im the same way.

Make your plans with your friends-go and have a good time! Sometimes we NEED to break from that "worrisome" moment and not dwell on whats happening-I know easier said than done-Im in it now-I do over think too much-I admit it. But I try to step back and take a deep breath and tell myself "its okay-just let things take its course" and it does and it will.

As much as I am wearing my heart on my sleeve and EVERYONE on here knows it-like I havent made that clear enough at times-I also have to have my reality checks for myself. There are going to be difficult times-but Ive decided hes worth it all-wasnt sure at first-but am now. (the over thinking again). So Jules think about what you want for yourself and how much you want to invest in him. Dont change who you are-giving comes naturally to you and its a wonderful charactersitic-those little things you do are special!

Yea dating can suck-but when youre into someone new and things are so "peachy"(damn I hate that expression) you cant help but GIVE! Especially when its returned...(hence its happening to me for a FIRST)

Girl-go with this one-have fun and try not to let the few days of not talking bug you out-OMG I will admit this-oh shit oh shit-there was a couple of days that Iron and I werent talking much-totally NOT was I use to-and I started over thinkng-but I knew in my heart it wasnt anything-just busy schedules conflicting...I backed myself out of that rut-if Ive learned one thing along the way in my life-I CANT be bugged out for long over something- I have to either let it go or talk about it. Most of the time I let it go-cause its nothing and its my mind just doing shit it shouldnt.

Ive decided to take this one on-knowing the risks-but feel that its come to a point where I can do this-and know no matter what I'll be fine with the outcome. And I think you can do it too Jules...hang in there girl!!!

[jslaughter]

Girl I wish you were closer in FL because I think a "girl night out" with you would be a riot! You are just sooo positive and up-beat - how can I possibly be bumming over anything with friends like you out there?

I knew that I had to keep myself busy in order to avoid making some grand romantic gesture that *might* impress the heck out of him or *might* cause him to take out a restraining order (just kidding). So I signed up to do a renovation project on someone's home through my church and I have a hot date with Harry Potter and Eric Bana in Troy so a full weekend seems to be just what Squirrley, MD is recommending and I am taking it to heart!

Julies

[squirrley]

Hey how far away are we apart? It takes me like 3 hours to get to the GA border?
We could have fun...

Ok Im NO MD here but thanks for the compliment! Im gonna say this-its easier for me to maintain positive thoughts and keep a positive mind set-things go much more smoother...even if the shit hits the fan you damn right Im gonna find something to laugh about!

I dont think your guy would put out a restraining order on your giving ass! Girl most men would love to have someone like you-cause some women dont think that shit matters-being all mushy and going the extra mile! Do it-thats who you are sweetie! Being creative is a plus! Hell youve got me thinking now!!! Wahoo for Iron

[Clifton]

it goes both ways you know!!! we as people just cant rely on anyone but ourselves, for happiness or otherwise, although the way a woman makes me feel, im no sure i can keep from making that mistake again- although ill hafto learn eventually

and J, dont change that, keep it up, because there are alot of us who feel amazingly underappriciated, and you can find someone to appriciate you, dont give up!!

[Clifton]

I dont think your guy would put out a restraining order on your giving ass! Girl most men would love to have someone like you-cause some women dont think that shit matters-being all mushy and going the extra mile!

Exactly, i know at least me, i do need reassuring and things like that would make me feel great..most females wont tell you how they really feel, or show you that, without you Begging them to. and just the fact that you hafto fish around makes you still question it.

[jslaughter]

Thanks guys - I have always tried to avoid letting bad experiences change me, or sour me, some days its easier than others. But with all the encouragement I am feeling more like me again!

J

[manderbug]

Girl, you sound just like me. When you give so much and get little in return, it hurts alot. I go through the same thing with calling, too. I would not call him again, until he calls you. Even though it seems like forever before you'll hear from him, the ball is in his court, right? In the meantime you'll probably be pining for him with a ben&jerry's, but try to fill your time with activities to distract yourself from him. Hopefully, he'll be missing you and call soon.