Why save a marriage or relationship?

[confused10]

Ive always wondered. When i was married i tried so hard to save my marriage but didn't succeed. Im always reading about marriage counseling, overcoming infidelity, or just fixing a relationship that hasnt been going anywhere for months or even years. So my question is we're always so busy trying to fix it but why not just leave it? Why not just go your seperate ways and maybe both of you will find happiness elsewhere instead of trying to force happiness together?

[Gigabitch]

Because sometimes the reason for the relationship trouble isn't that the people involved aren't compatible or don't love each other, but is just something that needs to be addressed and fixed.

If two people are truly unhappy with one another, than I'm all for throwing in the towel- life is short and all that, but if it's as simple as just adjusting some behaviors, why scrap something that could really work?

[Enigmos]

sometimes there are other factors. haven't you ever heard of people staying together for the sake of the child/ren? there is also the financial aspect, i.e., have a house/cars/etc. together, don't want to pay alimony, and divorce is expensive. then there are the influences such as religious or familial pressures.

not saying it's right or wrong.

[IndiReloaded]

Because sometimes the reason for the relationship trouble isn't that the people involved aren't compatible or don't love each other, but is just something that needs to be addressed and fixed.

If two people are truly unhappy with one another, than I'm all for throwing in the towel- life is short and all that, but if it's as simple as just adjusting some behaviors, why scrap something that could really work?

I would even extend this. In my experience, 'happiness' and 'love' is always in flux. If a couple are fundamentally compatible, and there is no abuse or other major dealbreakers undermining the relationship, I would argue that it is better to stay together and work through your issues. Generally, with couples like this, those issues are more to do with the individual than the relationship. Your partner becomes your expert button pusher to teach you something about yourself.

Kids change the relationship equation. Now 'happiness' involves another party, one who didn't choose to be put there. There is an obligation that mature couples recognize goes with the choice to raise children.

[vashti]

I don't know... the older I get, the less reason I see for sticking with an unhappy arrangement if there aren't any kids involved.

[misombra]

you should save your marriage to save yourself the expense of divorce.

[IndiReloaded]

you should save your marriage to save yourself the expense of divorce.

Cheaper to keep her? Isn't that a song?

[bloodtippedrose]

People throw around vows too freely nowadays.