Am I in an emotionally abusive relationship?

[hour_glass]

My boyfriend doesn't physically abuse me, but I think he emotionally abuses me.
This all started when I moved in last month.
He can be controlling in some ways.
- He is always on his phone, but when I get on mine, obviously texting someone, he gets p*ssy.
- He always wants to do what he wants, only watches what he wants, and then makes fun of things I like, such as anime, soccer, or cats (he hates those things), and gets defensive when I try to give him a taste of his own medicine.
- He tells me he wants me to hang out with my friends sometimes, but his attitude about it tells me the opposite (he has a "whatever" mood when I mention I'm going to).
He tries to get me to drink alcohol more than I am comfortable. He has actually gotten mad at me because I have no desire to get drunk.
He disrespects me in front of his friends/with his friends.
He withholds affection - he didn't use to.
He acts like going out on a date with me is a huge chore and takes a lot out of him. - again, he didn't use to be like that.
He stresses the importance of me getting a job so we can move out on our own ASAP- puts me down and insults me because I don't have one yet. I'm seriously working my butt off to try to get a job, it's extremely difficult, and all he can do is tell me the obvious, "Get a job already." He's only ever had to apply 3 times, in his entire life.
'nuff said.
He puts everything before me now.
He literally loves his dog more than me - he said "If I had to choose between you and him, you wouldn't like my choice." I never told him to choose, he blurted it out after telling me that it is all my fault his dog has been much more disobedient than usual (The dog just had training camp last month, right before I moved in, and I spend all day with him since I don't have a job). His dog is at his teenage age, plus he's bound to test the waters after being at training classes..
He expects me to be like an expert trainer.
He will not allow me to have a cat when we move out together, or much of any other pet, yet he's allowed to have his dog - who, by the way, is extremely annoying, smelly and ALWAYS needs attention. Cats don't smell near as bad and they don't need near as much attention, they go do their own thing most of the day.
If something he says/does bothers me, I tell him. He then proceeds to tell me that when I bring up this stuff he gets stressed out.
He tells me I'm so immature.
He's so critical of everything I say or do, and tells me that I'm the exact same towards him.
He's the most selfish person I've ever met.
He admits he's an A hole but says he that's "who he is and it isn't going to change."
I am miserable in this relationship. But I desperately want things to change for the better. I've told him this, and he's making no effort to fix things.

[basilandthyme]

Hour_glass, when a person shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM. He's never going to change.

What I can't understand is why you are still with him. If it's due to "love" then tell us all the lovable things he does

[tcdamsel]

Been there, done that. Get out now. It will only get worse. I promise.

[vashti]

I agree that it sounds like you aren't in a good place with him, but I have to say that I think you should be careful about throwing around phrases like "emotionally abusive" unless he is actually calling you names and is deliberately demeaning you. To me, he sounds like a typically selfish young guy. Just because your feelings are hurt doesn't mean you are being abused. Maybe you just don't like him.

[surfhb2]

The last line is the best:

" I'm an asshole and never going to change "

OK....so what exactly is your question again? Lol

[Am I crazy?]

Sounds like you already know the answer.

[TablesandChairs]

This is who he is (as he's stated) and he's not going to change (also, as he has stated). You have described a control freak (someone who can only have their way with little ability to compromise) and an overall neglectful jerk who has no idea as to how to treat another human being.

Get a job and get out - not with him but alone or with housemates. He's shown you how he is and he'll probably just get worse until you're walking on egg shells as not to upset either him or his dog.

[Boisdevie]

You're hoping he'll change? Har har har. Not gonna work in a million years. So stop bloody complaining and dump the git. What do you want? Our permission?

[HeartIsAching]

Yes, you're in an emotionally abusive relationship, and no he's not going to change. Time to flee.

[Maple1714]

Get out now...if you feel stuck b/c you don't have a job etc...then go stay with family/friends for a while until you get on your feet.

[Wakeup]

Op: There isn't one good thing in there that would make anyone tell you that you should stay with him. Care to give a list of the Pros now so that we have a better idea why you are afraid to leave him?

Here's a link.. read it and you tell us if you're being emotionally abused. Then tell us why you're not believing him when he says to you "this is who I am" and still thinking you can change him or that he'd even want to change. If you left, he wouldn't care much or for very long at least.

http://www.womenslaw.org/simple.php?sitemap_id=38

[basilandthyme]

I agree that it sounds like you aren't in a good place with him, but I have to say that I think you should be careful about throwing around phrases like "emotionally abusive" unless he is actually calling you names and is deliberately demeaning you. To me, he sounds like a typically selfish young guy. Just because your feelings are hurt doesn't mean you are being abused. Maybe you just don't like him.

Very good point by Vashti. Emotionally abusive? Probably not. Asshole? Definitely

Either way, you shouldn't stay with him.

[toknow]

He literally loves his dog more than me - he said "If I had to choose between you and him, you wouldn't like my choice."

LOL...Some of the things on this thread made me laugh. Is that guy for real.

[Wakeup]

Hour_glass: I just read your posting history and this thread is what I call a 'same shit, different day' thread. Nothing has changed since March except that maybe things are even worse now so please stop coming here and getting us to tell you to leave him. We've all done that three times todate. Now its your turn to get the strength to leave. Call your mother and tell her you're coming home or if you don't have a mother worth the air she breathes then call social services or a woman's help line and get some direction on what you can do or where you can go.

Continuing to vent about him while you stay with him will not change a thing. Stop this codependence, get the help you need if that's what it takes to make you stop complainging while you stay with his unloving indifference to you.

[hour_glass]

Very good point by Vashti. Emotionally abusive? Probably not. Asshole? Definitely

Either way, you shouldn't stay with him.

Uh, well yeah, that's why my question asks, "AM I IN AN EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE RELATOINSHIP?" It's a question, not a statement.