What's going on??....any help greatly appreciated

[anonymous_one]

So. . .

I met this girl in one of my classes (we're 20), earlier this year. She is beautiful. At first, I didn't pay much attention to her, because looks by themselves don't impress me a whole lot. But, I started getting to know her just by circumstance. We worked together and I found her to be a very sweet girl who seemed to understand and accept me. That feeling was pretty new to me. In fact, she started going out of her way to be next to me, and constantly talked to and joked with me. It got extreme at times, I actually had to nicely tell her to calm down a bit to pay attention because she would get carried away. She was fun to be around and made me feel good about myself. It was a wonderful feeling. We hung out a bit and got along really well. On one great friday, she followed me after class and initiated conversation with me. she was very nice and made kind and flirtatious comments. i was nice to her too and we looked forward to seeing each other again on monday. It was that weekend that i discovered I was in love with her. sure, i was sexually attracted, but this was definately more than that. I found myself caring for her as an extension of myself. before I knew it, she meant the world to me. but, i wasn't sure if she was available. Then, a couple days later, she changed her relationship status on Facebook to single (it was just not answered before)! I was so happy.

the thing about this girl is, though, as nice as she is, she is a bit of a flake. she is very disorganized, often all over the place. She is working a LOT to pay for school which makes things tough as well. she works hard, she is just flighty I guess.

I had it all planned out: I was going to ask her to get coffee this one day soon after she changed her status. I ran into her before an activity at school and asked if she wanted to join me. She said yes, but she needed to run an errand first. I was like, "OK", but then she never came. I was a little disappointed but i figured hey, I can talk to her any time. But every time from then on, I'd get c**kblocked by one of her friends. There was nothing I could do but just keep trying. eventually, winter break started. I still hadn't gotten with her, and was very depressed. I would keep an eye out for her before break in between the end of class, hoping I could see her. but that didn't really happen. I thought of calling, but my goal was to tell her in person. Plus, over the phone can be awkward.

After winter break ended I saw her again, thinking we'd pick up where we left off. we still got along well, but she seemed slightly unresponsive. It was random and unexpected, so I was confused. I thought she might be seeing someone else, but found that wasn't the case. We would talk some, but she wasn't quite as excited anymore. We still get along very well, but ambiguity continues today, and I hardly see her anymore, but still care about her...

Why she gave me so much attention at first is a mystery to me. Was I just a new toy to her? Why would she suddenly seem to drift away from me so quickly? It makes little sense to me, but I wonder if she thought I wasn't interested because I didn't jump into the relationship right away and lost interest herself (I was taking it a little slower). I tried to take initiative, but she wasn't available enough...Then again, maybe she just got distracted...She has a million friends and works really hard.

While my feelings for her are still strong, I am thinking that maybe it would be best for me to move on. I just really liked her a lot, and wanted to make it work...But I can only do what I can. I can't force something to work, it has to happen naturally right? initiative is one thing...forcing is another. Anyone have similar experiences? Should I move on even though my heart doesn't want to? If so, how do I cope? I feel pretty heartbroken now. . .

Any advice strongly appreciated. Thank you for reading this long post. I know I'm young and dumb, so please be kind. . .Thanks so much. -anonymous_one

[carl1222]

This doesn't make a lot of sense ... especially her friends running interference for her when you try to approach her.

It almost sounds like her friends are encouraging her NOT to get involved with you. Is there something in your past that might make you appear to her friends as a bad choice? For example, do you have a reputation as a player?

Carl.

[anonymous_one]

I'm definately not a player. I have only dated a couple girls in my life. Her friends at the time had never met me, in fact she introduced me to them when they were breaking up our conversations. The girl I liked is popular. She has a lot of friends. Getting her alone is tough. That was probably the biggest obstacle. Hope that clears things up a little. Thanks for your response, I really appreciate it a lot.

[Unikatze]

It seems like Carl is onto something.
You have a few choices, you can either let it go and continue wondering what the heck happened. Or you could give her a call and ask to meet you for coffee, maybe just as friends. A line like "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. How about some coffee?". You can get back to talking to her. If she declines, then maybe you should just forget it.

My two cents.