Being a team and having common goals with someone who has a kid

[Zaz01]

Is that possible? Also, do you think it is possible to genuinely love someone else's kid? What's the most you can do in that situation? Is respecting the kid and being the best person you can be enough even if you don't ever really LOVE the kid but you love the mother. Is it something that should come naturally or something you should work on until it happens? Can you force it on yourself or it's just like, if it doesn't happen, it won't?

I hope some of this makes sense.
For me personally, it is important to have a soulmate. Can you be a soulmate with someone who already has a kid? Your priorities will always differ IMO. The only way to do it is to have a kid of your own with that person. Otherwise, you will have your own stuff and the person you're with will prioritize her kid. As it should be. But you won't be soulmates. That's the problem IMO. You won't ever really be a team. Never on the same page IMO. Anyway to be a soulmate with a parent unless you two later on have a kid together? Otherwise your connection can never be so deep and profound to the point where you would call each other soulmates.

Do you agree with me or is something wrong with how I see things?

[VerticalMoon]

It just depends on the person and the child. Some people can do it. Others can't. A lot of things come into play - how much do you want to be a parent, how old is the child, what is the child's attitude, is the other parent causing problems, etc. I do think you really need to be able to love the child. That doesn't happen in every case, but sometimes it does. Some people love their step-children just as much as they'd love their own. Some even love the step-child more than they love their mate. If you do love the child, then they will become your priority as well. If you don't, then having a relationship with the parent would be very difficult.

I don't think having another child with your partner would be a good solution, either. The step-child would know they're not the favored child, and it isn't really fair to them.

As far as how to develop the relationship with the child, those things can take time. You shouldn't give up right away. On the other hand, if you've been trying for a while and things aren't progressing, then you need to know when to give up and walk away.

[IndiReloaded]

How old is the child? A lot depends on that.

[Zaz01]

Oh come on. The step child is always the less favored child. Second in everything. I know that, I grew up as one. It's hard to mind because I realize it's reality. I know my brother who is a lot younger than me would get stuff like the IPhone, Ps3, Mac, all that stuff when it came out and he was just a child. On the other hand I was constantly told to watch how much I download to save like $20 because we had bandwitch at the time. But I don't think I had it bad. It's just reality imo. Just natural. The example i gave might seem unfair but overall, I think I had it great consiđering the circumstances because the man who married my mother always tried to be the best he could to me. And thst's thr most anyone can ask for IMO. But what's natural is only natural. You can't always try to go against your instincs and yourself. Real you comes out, sooner or later. Loving your kid is natural IMO. Someone else's...much harder. Takes work. While loving your own kid comes naturally. Takes no work.

I know how it should be in theory. But I don't thiñk it really works in real life. For some it does. I guess I don't know how.
From my experience, both the child and the stepparent would most rather want that the other one isn't there. That's just what is deep inside them. They might even get along or accept each other. But deep down they want that the other one isn't there. Harsh but it's true IMO.

[dem862]

You shouldn't resent your step-child. That is not good. When I was married, I had both a step-son and my biological son. Time-wise I treated them the same when we were all together. My step-son also spent time with his biological dad, so during those times I naturally spent more time with my biological son. I and my family spent more money on my biological son. Not because we loved my step-son any less, but because my step-son had his own father who contributed to his support. If I treated them equally financially, my step-son would have been more favored because his biological father's family also contributed to his support. Whereas, my biological son only had myself and my wife to support him. I tried to be as fair as possible. It is not an exact science.

To the kids point of view, they were just brothers. They never considered the step- part important. Although I think my step-son sometimes resented the fact that his father lived elsewhere and wasn't part of our immediately family. He always considered me his father figure, and my family as his real family.

As for the soulmate question, I haven't found one, so I can't really speak to that.