What the heck happened? And what should I do now?

[liski]

I met this girl online and we dated for about 2 months. She has kids so I can only see her every other weekend. We immediately hit it off. In the 2 months, we've only gone out 6 times, but after each time we couldn't wait until the next. We talked for at least an hour everyday on the phone and exchanged over 6000 text messages. We were both falling for each other which was a wonderful feeling. She's always telling me how much she misses me and wishes to see me but she can't because she has her kids. We opened up about everything to each other in our conversations. We both loved everything about each other and hoped to be together forever. It went unbelievably well. After the 3rd date, I was falling in love, but I couldn't tell her that. It was too soon. And I think she was getting there too. She often texts how much she likes me and that she more than likes me. Our conversations got more and more intimate as time went on. After the 4th date she wanted me to go get tested and she would do the same. She wanted us to both be safe. She couldn't wait for 6th date to come and we even talked about it. On the 6th date, I surprised her with a Tiffany bracelet. I wanted to give it to her because I wanted her to know how much she meant to me. She was happy with it but said I shouldn't spend money on her. Later that night we got intimate and I told her I loved her. She said "so do I". First sign we weren't at the same level. Then the very next day she calls me and says I have to be honest with you. She doesn't think we're going to work out and needs to give back the bracelet. She says I'm very nice and it's her not me. I was shocked and confused of what happened. Sex could not of been that bad..lol I really want to be with her and I thought she felt the same.

Now let me give a little background on her. I know she was extremely hurt in past relationship. In 2008, she finalized her divorce after an 8 year marriage which she said they were never in love. She got pregnant and felt she had to get married to him, then they had another child. He cheated on her more than once and he was verbally and mentally abusive to her. She's dated 2 other guys since then, but it didn't work out. She said she felt she just wasn't ready then. She hasn't dated for about 3 years since then until she met me. She wanted to try dating again plus her friends and family keep encouraging her to move on. Based on my online research, I think after meeting me she felt this is too good to be true and once we had sex it made this relationship real and she got scared.

I'm not sure what to do at this point. Any feedback is appreciated.

[stev123]

are you stupid or something, why are you getting involved with women that have that kind of baggage and sleep around then find others? jesus you are blind or something?
come on man the marriage had to have given you some insight or wisdom.

[smackie9]

There is no way of saying how what and why for sure, but when they say it's not you it's me....it's you. Obviously she doesn't want to hurt you too much, so she didn't give you a direct answer. Them the brakes huh.

[stev123]

I dont like the comment a few above me. Some women have baggage, does that make them any less valuable as partners? no it just makes it hard to interact with them sometimes without the right mentality. In all fairness some Men have baggage too and are insufferable and pig headed to be with.

Heres my advice. keep a line of communication open, if possible. Do not rush after her, at all. If her fear of commitment and real relationships has scared her off then the worst thing to do is openly pursue her. stay in contact, and take it VERY slowly. Meet for coffee at some point but dont call it a date, just meet to talk to her and see how she is etc... Its a long hard road ahead of you but the way you get her to realize you are different is just by being there through thick and thin no questions asked, and be there as whatever she needs you to be. At a certain point she will get that you are not one of the ones that will hurt her, and the trust will have been built over time. Everything that happened with you two was very fast, not necessarily wrong, just extremely fastr, time to slow things down but remain in the picture, thats imperitive, keep communication open even if it is a text in passing every few days, dont let the communication die

Are you kidding me? where the hell have you been, what kind of westernized feminism did they teach you in schools? that is a ****ing shambles, YOU DON'T FEED OTHER MEN'S CHILDREN. go back to school or something imbecile.

[Valixy]

Some people get too set on their ways and feel they don't want to go through the change a relationship would require. I know a few single mums that have postponed for years the idea of being together with someone because they wanted to concentrate on their children.

Maybe you should try to talk to her in person if you feel that you need an explanation and if she is a nice person she should give you one.

Sometimes things start really good for both people but not everyone is really ready for a relationship. If it's her case and it might very well be, since she needed encouragement from her family to start dating again, it's even better for you that it finished before you grew even fonder of her. It might be difficult to forget her for some time, but no doubt there are more open and accessible women that you could find and willing to embark on a relationship with you and really appreciate a nice guy.

[stev123]

are YOU kidding ME???? they teach me to respect women and their pasts, i used to think like you, then i learned a much better way to go about my life. Acting and speaking like you do will not see you into the arms of a decent woman. Goodluck to you sir

Lol, had a good laugh. Good luck with your cuckold goals and feeding other mens kids you beta.

[stev123]

you disgust me, find a little bit of optimism under a rock somewhere

Lol, I don't normally argue with people on here because I really don't give a shit, but I'm just gonna embarrass you in front of everyone so you can go cry to your friend zoned girl. The only reason you choose to give a false sense of 'respect' and appreciation for women is because you either have nothing good to offer, I.e. financial stability and a decent job, or you're so desperate and bad with women that you'll take up any chance to be with one, just because you know that you that any half decent women would never fall for that kind of crap - and would only friendzone you. Only emotional unstable, desperate and older women will. Hence why you sit here telling this guy can't do better because you never will, you poor excuse for a male, why don't you chop your cock off and go get butt ****ed. Don't contribute to these forums again please.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Sanctuary, you really do sound like a cold bitch.

[Wakeup]

are YOU kidding ME???? they teach me to respect women and their pasts, i used to think like you, then i learned a much better way to go about my life. Acting and speaking like you do will not see you into the arms of a decent woman. Goodluck to you sir

Well, I'm thinking acting and thinking the way you do is going to put you right smack dab into the arms of some borderline personality disordered shrew who you try to caretake and 'fix' only to have YOU fall down below what she's already enduring.

But... to each there own, I suppose.

[Wakeup]

... A past to respect is one thing. A past that is still currently affecting that person in a negative way is quite another and in my advice, you are far better off without her and said baggage, liski.

Zero contact and you'll be over your brief fling in no time. Don't let her hoover you back in when she gets past her jitters, feels lonely and you're her go to guy... pffft. She'll weigh you down with HER baggage.

[basilandthyme]

You've only known her for 2 months and on the sixth date you declared love and gave her a bracelet? I think you went in too fast, too soon and THAT was what scared her. I don't think it had anything to do with being "too good to be true"

[Starnique]

Lol, had a good laugh. Good luck with your cuckold goals and feeding other mens kids you beta.

You sound stupid as ****. It's people out there that dont got kids, women and men and they still have a lot of shit with them. Furthermore, if she already has her shit together, what makes you think she needs you in the first place? So what she has two kids. She was married. That dont make her less valuable. I can see if she had a house full with different fathers all over the place living off the state etc. You think you make any difference in her life seriously? I know some bad ass bitches with a kid and they live beautifully, so if she got all that the question is, what would you be bringing to the table? Her kids are well fed before a man got there and I know men and women without kids thats still full of it. If thats the way you feel, you have that right but people can date who they want. I know several guys that dont like it also but once they meet that special girl all that shit go out the window. I dont know what the big deal is because the people around my way dont have those problems. If i have a man in my life, he is just going to be the cherry top. Im already designed, he's the accessory. If we together of course I expect him to look out for me. I'll do it for him. It may be cute but not special. Some men need to get that. I dont need nobody especially some man to come and save me and I'm sure the chick the OP is talking about feels the same way.

[michelle23]

I can understand people who dont have kids not wanting to date someone who does BUT I have nothing against people who will date someone who has children. I think its admirable. My uncle is with his partner 10 years. Her daughter was 2 years old when they met. Hes fantastic with the kid and she adores him. Theres nothing wrong with it.

[Starnique]

I dont care either way but i broke it down to him because he was talking stupid.

[TablesandChairs]

She wasn't that into you; she figured it out when you guys slept together (maybe she felt a certain disconnect). Then you said the L word which really made her reassess things. Then she broke it off.

Sometimes, people don't break up with us because they have 'issues' and 'baggage'. Sometimes, they're not as into us as we think. No biggie. I mean, it's easier for the ego if we think they're so emotionally effed up that they have become 'scared' of how amazing we are...but it's probably not the case.