I'm cheating for the 1st time....

[phantom694u]

Hello, I'm a new member. I need some advice from men and women here. Here's my background.... I'm 38, divorced, 2 small kids. I'm an experienced accountant, with several advanced degrees. I was married for 12 years in a loveless marriage. Divorce was bitter, but over. After my divorce I dated a 40 year old woman for 2.5 years. She had 2 kids also, but her divorce was so messy it affect our relationship. Then I started dating a 46 year old woman, who has never been married, has a 25 year old daughter, and a dark past.

I am still dating the 46 year old woman. In fact, I am engaged to her. We have been together for 6 months. From the beginning, I thought something was wrong...... This woman does not work, live at home with her 94 year old grandmother, never had a career, was doing drugs and alcohol for a good 15 years. Was raped and molested earlier on, and has minor intimacy issues. I tried to not consider her past as who she is now, as the past is dead and gone. The last 2 months I have broken up with her at least 8 times. But each time she begged me to come back, and I always do. The reasons for the breakup was a bit of insecurity on my part. Before we met, she was having online sex relationships with 24 year old boys, and that sickened me. She assured me that life was over, and she wants to be a respectable woman onward. Then I realized she has been living like a teenager all her life, and has no sense of responsibilities. I broke up with her again, and she got me back by enrolling in community college to show her commitment to bettering herself. While I appreciate her efforts, I am skeptical if she will actually turn her life around for me.

Last week I broke up with her one last time. I wanted to move on, so she could not tempt me to come back. I met a 43 year old executive at a coffee shop. She was pretty, very intelligent, and really fun. I was instantly drawn to her. I asked her to dinner, and she said yes. Later that night, my "ex" called me to beg me to come back. I said no....and somehow she convinced me yet again. I told her we will still be together, but won't see each other till christmas. She agreed. The next evening I had dinner with this new woman. It was so much fun....the conversation was stimulating, and I was so happy. I invited her to my place, and we ended up having sex.

I am terribly drawn to this new woman in my life. The sex was so amazing....better than sex with my "ex". But now I can't seem to shake off my "ex". She seems to be trying so hard, but she definitely has issues, and I can't imagine marrying her. I need advise on breaking up with her formally and finally. I don't want to hurt her because she has history of suicide...and frankly i still care about her a whole lot. Yes I am a big cheater...but all I want is a healthy relationship....

You advice is much appreciated.

[surfhb]

I don't get it? Just tell her you're done and don't talk her again. You're the one not happy so why are crying about her feelings? You HAVE to be selfish in these situations in life

She will be hurt but thats not your problem. The good part is she'll get over you eventually and probably won't even remember your name one day

[zaccarus]

just stop seeing her and delete all ways of contacting her and if she contacts you just ignore her. Her issues are her own and it's not for you to repair her, move on now before you hurt her much more...

[steviej]

Why on earth would you get engaged to that mental no hoper after just 6 months?!
Wobble your head, remove her from your life and pursue this new girl.

[HeartIsAching]

Broken up 8 times over the course of 2 1/2 years? That's what... slightly more than once a quarter? Holy crap. Seriously, it's time for you to grow a pair and set a boundary - in this case it's "I'm not going to see you anymore, stop calling me" and make it stick. That's it.

Move the **** on.

Whoops, never mind. Six months - even more holy crap, but the rest still applies.

[Wakeup]

Op: Whats wrong with your woman picker? Why would you marry someone and stay with them for 12 years in a marriage that was "loveless?" You need to look within and figure out why you're so afraid to be alone that you'de do ^^^ that and then jump right into several other very shitty relationships with nutters. Particularily getting engaged to a woman who has mental problems who you can't seem to disengage yourself from either.

Google these things and figure out which one most applies to you:
Codependent
White Knight Syndrome
Fear of being alone
Martyrdom (staying with someone, being afraid to be without someone (or returning to someone) who makes you unhappy rather than make them unhappy by leaving, is you being a martyr.

As for breaking up with her. Simply tell her that the relationship is not what you want and you'll not be contacting her again. THEN, DON'T CONTACT HER AGAIN.

Get yourself the therapy or the education you need about YOURSELF so that you stop this pattern of picking fkd up women as mates.

I am terribly drawn to this new woman in my life.

One GD date and you're "terribly drawn" to her. Get the help you need to stop being terribly drawn to women after one date. She could be just as nuts as the rest of them for goodness sakes and she probably is if she'd do you without even knowing if your married, single, or ENGAGED to someone else.

[Fruitsss]

I think you are sad thou.

Why do you keep dating here and there and all over.
I think u have soe serieus issues yourself. Cause u date so much and also u dont seems to be commit to any person
or at least get to know them before putting fantasy in their heart.

Maybe u need to stop dating and start taking care of your issues. Start with your childhood and next see what was the
issues u saw u had in your marriage that caused the divorce.
All your old relationships are things that u need to get a lesson out of it in order to grow to a better person.
If u dont learn anything u will change woman but get the same result.

And stop putting others in your problems. U are to old for that kind of game. Grow up.
U know u still mess with the other woman. DDont bring this new woman into your messy life.
Break up fr real and move on, or keep her and deal with her way of life witch u knew from day one.
And if u break up for real she will not die. cause she already gone true other break ups.

[phantom694u]

I have a serious issue now. My ex is convinced that I am the only one she wants to spend her life with, and no matter what I do, she is not gonna let me go. She writes me 5 love notes every day.... calls me, and wants to have sex with me all the time. She is 46 years old, and really a beautiful woman....voluptuous, blonde, sexy. She gets hit on by men half her age all the time. But she told everyone on her Facebook that she is dedicating her life to loving me. *sigh*

This new woman is a high-powered executive...in show biz. She is incredibly intelligent...very witty and funny. I bit quiet, but a real animal in the bedroom. She is not as gorgeous as my ex, but very pretty nonetheless. She is just really classy...educated and refined. I feel she is a better fit for me....and she likes me a lot.

Now I have to choose between the two. One woman who loves me to death, but isn't really educated or refined. One woman who likes me a lot, but is a workaholic and makes time to be with me. Man.... i never thought having two women would be so stressful! Any advice?

[searock2]

You answered your own question. Obviously woman number 2. The first one is a psycho. Block her on facebook (why is she even still amongst your facebook friends?!), stop replying to her and block her number/email/etc. If she continues to harass you somehow, call the police.

[Wakeup]

I have a serious issue now. My ex is convinced that I am the only one she wants to spend her life with, and no matter what I do, she is not gonna let me go. She writes me 5 love notes every day.... calls me, and wants to have sex with me all the time. She is 46 years old, and really a beautiful woman....voluptuous, blonde, sexy. She gets hit on by men half her age all the time. But she told everyone on her Facebook that she is dedicating her life to loving me. *sigh*

This new woman is a high-powered executive...in show biz. She is incredibly intelligent...very witty and funny. I bit quiet, but a real animal in the bedroom. She is not as gorgeous as my ex, but very pretty nonetheless. She is just really classy...educated and refined. I feel she is a better fit for me....and she likes me a lot.

Now I have to choose between the two. One woman who loves me to death, but isn't really educated or refined. One woman who likes me a lot, but is a workaholic and makes time to be with me. Man.... i never thought having two women would be so stressful! Any advice?

I repeat:

Get yourself the therapy or the education you need about YOURSELF so that you stop this pattern of picking fkd up women as mates.

*sniffs* I smell troll.

[IndiReloaded]

Door number 2, man. Anything else?

[bcgirl]

Wtf is so Damn hard?? U only been with this woman for 6 flipping months and already all this drama and fights??? Forget about her and move on with this new woman. Hopefully there is no drama with her. And next time don't ask someone to marry after only 6 months

[AnnonymousMan]

Your ex seems like she needs professional help. Go with this new woman. When you formally break it off for good with your ex, try explaining to her exactly why you cannot be with her. Do not insult or bash her, but come off in a way that will make her want to change for the better and will make her want to change for herself. Do not let her keep you around. I know it is tempting to feel wanted or to feel bad for this woman, her challenges are her own though and I wouldn't contact her or try helping her beyond the breakup until she is over you.

[bmatts]

I do also smell a bit of a troll....anyway.

It sounds definitely that you need to question your own actions a lot. There seems to be a pattern.
You NEED to figure out why you are attracted to women who have obviously problems. (dark past, rape, suicidal, etc)
After your long "loveless" marriage it is your fault to get engaged with some "stranger" and now she is "stalking" you on an
emotional level and passively blackmailing you, because you know about her issues (suicidal). This things are none of your business
and it is your responsibility to make clear that there is no future for both of you. As said before, don't tell it harsh but so that she
can understand it you are mature after all (or you should be). Breaking up so often and coming back over and over again shows that
your needs are not clear and this produces mental cinema in the other person. It is driving both of you nuts and that is what you should avoid
and stop it immediately. One final talk and then no contact anymore.
If you feel so good with the new girl try it with her, but don't be lazy on finding out more about yourself as this is obviously a necessity.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Block your ex on facebook and whatever else. Tell her that you're with someone else and don't want her back.