Need to break up when he's pre-paid for so many things. SOOOO guilty. Help!

[kbee]

Ok, those of you who have followed my posts, I obviously have not clicked with my newest beau, and I am going to break it off with him. We have been together 2.5 months. Over the last month or so, I have been 'giving things a chance'-- a chance to be around him, get to know him more, see how things go once his firey, clingy behavior lessens and the honeymoon phase dampens.

Well, after that month of seeing how I feel and getting to know him better, his over-the-top behavior hadn't changed much, but I do not want to continue with him. He annoys me for several reasons, and I know that if I go further with him, these annoyances will only get worse. And I don't want to waste his time or mine. Problem is, he has voluntarily pre-paid for me a ski pass (even after I admitted I was not a huge fan of skiing), a plane ticket to his home town (departing in 3 weeks), back massages, etc, etc. that we still have to schedule or use. I feel so guilty for saying yes to these things. But I didn't want to say no and make him think I wasn't interested, because I was interested. But he killed it with just being too much: too many texts about nothing, saying I love you too soon, mentioning 'our kids', buying so many things for me, etc. I was trying to be positive about the relationship and give him the benfit of the doubt. But he's done way too much way too fast, and I feel like he's trying to buy my love. I don't think it's intentional though, I think he's just generous and genuinely likes me (well, he's said he loves me). I have already told him I need to go slower, but I don't think his idea of slower matches mine.

Now I have to break things off. I want to offer to pay my half of everything, but I am a student and don't have the money right now. Would it be fair to offer to pay for those things later, or leave him with what he agreed to pay for in the first place? I will not indulge myself (or him) by waiting to break up with him in order to do these things and go on these trips with him, when I'm truly not interested in him. So please don't suggest that! Thx.

[searock]

Hm. Have you even tried talking to him openly about how uncomfortable and pressured he makes you feel? I think you should at least try some open, explicit communication before breaking up with him - unless of course you already know that you can't feel anything romantic for him, ever. Don't be afraid of sounding ungrateful or to hurt him - he'll be hurt more if you just break up with him out of the blue (at least, that's probably what he'll perceive it like). It's very possible that he doesn't even know how much it bothers you, so I really think you should at least give him a chance by telling him directly. JMO.

If on the other hand you have already 100% set your mind on breaking up with him, because you just don't like a guy who is that clingy in general, then I think you shouldn't even mention the money thing while breaking up. You can talk about it later, eventually, once things are clear. I personally would hate if a guy offered to pay so many things for me, especially before even doing them. It's like he wants to be sure that you will be present in his future, since well, he paid for your presence there. Ugh. Very insecure and clingy, imo. So yeah I think you should first of all break up with him, and talk about the money later, once it's all settled. If the subject doesn't come up, you can pay him back directly when you do have the money (assuming it's within a month's time).

[sadie_genie]

This guy clearly is in love with you. I suspect the reason you feel pressured is because you can't return those feeling. Please don't lead the guy on with the "go slow" approach. Just break it off with him.

[kbee]

This guy clearly is in love with you. I suspect the reason you feel pressured is because you can't return those feeling. Please don't lead the guy on with the "go slow" approach. Just break it off with him.

I'm not convinced he's in love with me, only after 2-3 months of dating. I really feel he is infatuated and simply in love with the idea of being in love. I can't return those feelings right now--you're exactly right--because I am skeptical. And because truly loving someone, for me, means you would stick with them through anything--cancer, bankruptcy, addiction, etc. I don't think you can acquire that kind of love with only 2-3 monhts of history, but I'm no expert in relationships, either. In any regard, I do need to go slow to see how things pan out.

Hm. Have you even tried talking to him openly about how uncomfortable and pressured he makes you feel? I think you should at least try some open, explicit communication before breaking up with him - unless of course you already know that you can't feel anything romantic for him, ever. Don't be afraid of sounding ungrateful or to hurt him - he'll be hurt more if you just break up with him out of the blue (at least, that's probably what he'll perceive it like). It's very possible that he doesn't even know how much it bothers you, so I really think you should at least give him a chance by telling him directly. JMO.

We've had this talk. He even says to me sometimes as a preface, "I don't want to come across as clingy or smothering, but... I was thinking we should...". I feel like he is trapping me into a future with him, but I don't know how to tell him to stop making plans, without just breaking up with him on the spot. And I think that would nearly kill him! LOL DO I just say," let's stop making plans..."? That would be a little blunt and odd. Maybe if I didn't feel trapped or pressured, I wouldn't want to break up with him. How do I get him to stop scheduling and paying for activities, while keeping it positive?

[workingman78]

By all means, pay back your portion, or what ever you feel is fair. Sounds like he has a hard time with relationships and uses the "buy her things" to show affection and desire. Wake up there was a book you had suggested a couple of posts ago, "The 5 languages of love" wasn't it? this sounds like it might be a good book for the original poster to read to really understand what is going on.