Disengaged?

**jmrichky** · 25-07-12, 09:19 PM

I have been with my girlfriend for almost a year. We live together with her kids full time and have my daughter a few days a week. We both work long hours through the week but typically have time to spend together Saturday nights, all day Sunday, and most of the day on Mondays. She spends more time at work than I do as she is transitioning between a full time job and being a business owner.

Over the past several months I have felt like we are steadily disengaging each other. Basically I dont get the same feeling from her that I once had: I dont feel as close to her, as important to her, as adored by her. In fact, sometimes I feel like I am just in her way; a nuisance.

I guess what it boils down to is in my eyes a lot has changed between us: the things she shares, how our face time is spent, the things she says/doesnt say, does/doesnt do, sharp decline in intimacy level, etc etc. What it boils down to is that I dont feel like my needs are met anymore and at one time they were exceeded. I love her more than I can put in words and besides these issues (which I understand could be personal not our relationship), I still believe she is the lady of my dreams......

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated, I dont want to have to lose what I think could be a very happy relationship for a very long time....

**searock** · 25-07-12, 09:23 PM

The honeymoon period is over. Now is when you realize whether you actually love each other and can be together for the long haul or not. It seems like she is realizing that you are not "the one".

Unless - did something in particular happen in these past few months? Did something change (apart from her behavior) in your relationship?

**Boisdevie** · 25-07-12, 09:32 PM

Don't talk to us, talk to her. She is the only one who really knows what's going on from her point of view. But searock makes sense.

**jmrichky** · 25-07-12, 10:01 PM

Yes, things have changed besides the relationship, she owns her own business as of May. Of course, that is what she attributes these changes to and that is what I would like to attribute it to myself. On the other hand, how can I know?

I have had no problem sharing these feelings with her. I have talked to her about all this. My concerns are generally met with one of three responses: "your crazy" "things will get better when I get settled in" "I am sorry you feel that way"

**oldskool83** · 25-07-12, 10:05 PM

you need to go places and do things. when i dated a biz owner that was run out of my house 1 day a month we closed down and went some place. pay for a sitter go away for a day. your not dating anymore your living together. this is were people ****up.

**Boisdevie** · 25-07-12, 10:15 PM

Originally Posted by jmrichky

My concerns are generally met with one of three responses: "your crazy" "things will get better when I get settled in" "I am sorry you feel that way"

Responses 1 and 3 = nothing to do with me, not my fault.
Response 2 = slight admission that things aren't great but

she doesn't seem to be taking your concerns at all seriously. That is something to tackle her about. NOW

**jmrichky** · 25-07-12, 11:59 PM

Originally Posted by oldskool83

you need to go places and do things. when i dated a biz owner that was run out of my house 1 day a month we closed down and went some place. pay for a sitter go away for a day. your not dating anymore your living together. this is were people ****up.

We did that not too long ago. I mentioned doing it again but she thought it was boring. Dont get me wrong, we do things together from time to. Lately though, it has involved her friends when we go out...

**jmrichky** · 26-07-12, 12:04 AM

Originally Posted by Boisdevie

Responses 1 and 3 = nothing to do with me, not my fault.
Response 2 = slight admission that things aren't great but

she doesn't seem to be taking your concerns at all seriously. That is something to tackle her about. NOW

That is especially hard to hear given that it is also the impression I get. Obviously, I hope I am wrong with that feeling and try to give her the benefit of the doubt due to all she has going on, but I cant say that it doesnt affect me at all.

**Boisdevie** · 26-07-12, 01:50 AM

I think you are rapidly coming to that moment when you have the 'things need to change around here' conversation. She needs to know just how unhappy you are with things. Then she either makes an effort to change or she doesn't. Her response will tell you whether to stick around or call it quits and move on.

**jmrichky** · 26-07-12, 02:56 AM

I feel like demanding change will lead to nothing but resentments. I have brought my feelings to her on plenty of occasions. I feel like (and she agrees) that we are just beating a dead bush at this point.

**iamaninnocentma** · 26-07-12, 03:14 AM

You wearing a pink shirt dude? **** sake

**BackUpOrGetStng** · 26-07-12, 03:29 AM

Break up with her and start seeing other girls, or just start seeing other girls. You don't have to cheat, but just don't show her any attention, and if you find a girl you like then dump your g/f.

**jmrichky** · 26-07-12, 03:42 AM

Originally Posted by iamaninnocentma

You wearing a pink shirt dude? **** sake

Its peach AND **** off troll

**iamaninnocentma** · 26-07-12, 03:45 AM

Originally Posted by jmrichky

Its peach AND **** off troll

Charming, was just asking. If you say its peach, ill have to believe you. No need to be passive aggressive. Do you talk to your gf like this?

**jmrichky** · 26-07-12, 04:08 AM

Originally Posted by iamaninnocentma

Charming, was just asking. If you say its peach, ill have to believe you. No need to be passive aggressive. Do you talk to your gf like this?

It wasnt the question (although completely off topic and meaningless), it was the "**** sake" that alerted me you had nothing worthwhile to contribute.

Thread: Disengaged?

Thread Tools

Disengaged?

Posting Permissions