I know not all females play games, but I think this one is...

[nodeal22]

Look, I've always been a relationship guy. For the past 6 years of my life I have always been tied up with a girl. From 16-18 yrs of age I was with one girl, and then from 18-22 with another girl. So here I am in my early twenties, totally new to this being single thing and I am admittedly a rookie. lol.

So there's this girl I work with who I'm really into. She's very funny, we have great conversations, and we flirt a lot. Unfortunately this flirting and getting along is not consistent at all due to fluctuations in her attitude. I can be at work one day and we will be getting along so fantastically, and then I come in the next day and she is totally cold and downright mean.

For example, we were at work on a Friday flirting, laughing, holding hands and being very touchy-feely with each other. The whole day we were enjoying each other's company and no incident occurred to spoil this.

Then I come into work the next Sunday and see her for the first time since that Friday -- and WOW what a difference. I mean a complete 180. She was cold, avoided eye contact, and when I asked her what's wrong she downright told me to leave her alone. I asked her if I did something that pissed her off and she just rolled her eyes. I had no idea what to make of it so I just walked away. I kept a smile on my face the rest of the day and carried on my business because I really didn't know what else to do.

I talked to my friends who are more experienced with women and the "games" they play and they all told me that females love the attention they get when they start acting cold towards a guy that's into them. According to my friends, women enjoy seeing guys affected by these 180 shifts in attitude, and the best thing to do is to just play it cool, keep a smile on your face, and carry on with your business. Is there any validity to this? And if so, why are girls like that?!?!

I mean, wouldn't it be so much better to just be straight up and honest with feelings? Why play this cat and mouse game where I must pursue and act a certain way in order to suit mood shifts in the girl I'm interested in? I know not all women are this way, but the one I'm interested in is, and many other girls seem to be like this too. Where is the logic, reasoning, and rationale behind this type of female behavior? If this particular coworker is into me, why not just act like it on a consistent basis? Why be so flirty one day and then so mean and cold the next?

In your wise opinions, how should I react to such cold behavior from this female coworker of mine? Is this "play it cool" advice my friends gave me a good idea? Any opinions would be appreciated!

[live4love]

Hi. I think the trouble is the age group here? Maybe? I don't know, but girls between 16 and about 21 sometimes have those game issues. I am crazy about a coworker of mine and I'm sweet as can be every day in hopes he'll fall madly in love with me. I'm sure that'll never happen, but I wouldn't play those kinds of games with him. The only games I play are ones where I'm trying to get info out of him about whether or not he likes me without coming right out and asking. But this mean and flirty stuff she does is kinda weird. And you like it because you keep coming for more. GUys often LOVE the girls that do this to them; I've dated guys like that who didn't like me because I don't play those kinds of games. Hell, maybe I should start doing that stuff to my coworker--then he probably will come chasing after me!! Good luck. I advise not digging girls who are that way and moving on to ones who don't play games like that.

[nodeal22]

Hi. I think the trouble is the age group here? Maybe? I don't know, but girls between 16 and about 21 sometimes have those game issues. I am crazy about a coworker of mine and I'm sweet as can be every day in hopes he'll fall madly in love with me. I'm sure that'll never happen, but I wouldn't play those kinds of games with him. The only games I play are ones where I'm trying to get info out of him about whether or not he likes me without coming right out and asking. But this mean and flirty stuff she does is kinda weird. And you like it because you keep coming for more. GUys often LOVE the girls that do this to them; I've dated guys like that who didn't like me because I don't play those kinds of games. Hell, maybe I should start doing that stuff to my coworker--then he probably will come chasing after me!! Good luck. I advise not digging girls who are that way and moving on to ones who don't play games like that.

Well I am 22 and she is 24, so I was expecting her to be past that age of game playing, but i guess not!

And for the record, I hate the games she plays. The only reason I "come back for more" is because when she's being genuine and we're talking on good terms she really seems like a funny, intelligent, decent soul. I'm lured by the good side she shows me, but disgusted when she pulls that 180 crap. Believe me, if you want to find a true gentleman don't play these games -- they don't work and are a huge turn off for any real man who's looking to get serious with someone.

[xxazurexx]

Maybe she was awaiting you asking her on a date, which guys usually do and if they like a female.

When you didn't mention a date, she thinks you aren't 'that' interested...which is why she backed off?

She might think you are playing games with her.

[MerryH]

I mean, wouldn't it be so much better to just be straight up and honest with feelings?

Yes. Have you been straight up about it? You haven't pursued her, you just flirt with her at work, right?

Some girls might play games, but being downright mean and cold isn't typically one of them. It's kind of insulting that instead of taking her behavior as genuine, you label it as some sort of game she's playing. It's like, "Oh there's no way she's actually mad at me for something I did, she must be playing one of those little games that girls play. Silly girl."

But if she is intentionally behaving that way as a game, it's working and you're a fool for going along with it. You're letting her treat you like crap to manipulate you. Do you respect yourself?

[nodeal22]

Yes. Have you been straight up about it? You haven't pursued her, you just flirt with her at work, right?

Some girls might play games, but being downright mean and cold isn't typically one of them. It's kind of insulting that instead of taking her behavior as genuine, you label it as some sort of game she's playing. It's like, "Oh there's no way she's actually mad at me for something I did, she must be playing one of those little games that girls play. Silly girl."

But if she is intentionally behaving that way as a game, it's working and you're a fool for going along with it. You're letting her treat you like crap to manipulate you. Do you respect yourself?

At first I pursued her and was genuine with my feelings. I told her how I felt and asked her if she would like to hang out sometime. We made plans to have lunch together at work, but the day we were scheduled to do that she said that she "forgot about it" which I found insulting.

Our interactions get reduced to mindless flirting because of the way she acts, and yes I do go along with it to a certain extent. Because of that, it is partially my fault.

I took her bad mood as genuine at first, so I asked her if anything was wrong. I even went as far as to ask if I did anything wrong. Her response was "leave me alone", so I just walked away bewildered.

I do believe it is all mind games she is playing. And I am being treated like crap -- you are correct in this statement. I do kind of feel like a fool, but I'm not going to let this go any further. I plan on just brushing her off and keeping it strictly business between me and her. If she wants to open up and have a real genuine heart-to-heart conversation I'm open to that, but if she tries to do another 180 and start flirting again or whatever then forget it -- I will have none of that and I WILL shut her down quick.

[nodeal22]

Maybe she was awaiting you asking her on a date, which guys usually do and if they like a female.

When you didn't mention a date, she thinks you aren't 'that' interested...which is why she backed off?

She might think you are playing games with her.

POSSIBLY, but to be honest I have made an attempt to hang out with her and that didn't work out because of the same mood swings and sudden changes in attitude on her part. I have done my part to show her that I'm interested. I honestly believe that she has a bit of an ego because she is a very attractive girl and she's used to guys chasing after her. She's pretty immature in that sense -- her head gets gassed up so easily. I think my best bet right now is to just kind of shun her. I'm honestly a nice guy and I have tried to be as down to earth as possible with this women, but it seems like she just isn't worth it.

[xxazurexx]

Why even bother her and when she runs 'hot and cold'. Is that the type of female you want in a partner?? Someone with a chip on it's shoulder and issues galore?

If so, someone is very easily pleased.

It's not 'mind games' at all. Some people are just nasty bastards, who are never happy....she sounds one of them.

[MerryH]

I think my best bet right now is to just kind of shun her.

Yeah this is what you should do. Shun her harder than she's ever been shunned before.