Newly Wed nightmare =[

[kpanz143]

Just got married in April, 2011 and everything before then was perfect. im now 6 months pregnant, and my husband wants nothing to do with me. He doesnt talk to me, even when i try to talk to him. i ask him wats on his mind and get nothing back. he is not sexually attracted to me anymore... its not like im letting myself go and gaining a ton of weight. ive offered myself to him on many occassions and get shut down. it takes a miracle for him to say i love you first or even offer a random kiss to me. its like he turned gay when we got married. he doesnt respect my desicions lately and it hurts =[. he is putting himself first in everything and not thinking about his family. I have a son from a previous marriage and he alienates him completely because "hes not his"... I love this man but i cant figure him out =[ Please help

Kpanz143

[Wakeup]

Just how long did you know this guy before you fell pregnant and married him? Why would you marry a man that didn't love your son like he was his own? Why would you put your son in that position? How old are you and what are you doing with your and your childrens lives?

I don't know what it is you're exactly asking here, but I will say once again ... Why would you marry a man that alienates your son? Is your picker broken because it sounds like the one you picked doesn't have much love to give you, your son or even himself.

[kpanz143]

he didnt alienate him before the fact we got married. and i knew him a couple years before i got pregnant and got married. im in my 20's and in the airforce taking care of my family. doing wat i can to keep a roof over our heads and food in thier stomachs. what im asking is advice on how to try to understand him and what it is he is going through. or maybe how to get him to open up to me and tell me wats going on. Like i said he was a very different person before we got married =[

[Horseyguy]

Maybe he felt he had to marry you because you were pregnant and now regrets it and is projecting his feeling of making a mistake on to you and has shut down?

If that is really what's going on it could be a problem. Not sure how you can change his feelings on that.

[Wakeup]

Doesn't he work? We wouldn't know whats going on in his head and we couldn't even guess without some background information on your pre-marriage life and when he started to emotionally back out of your relationship. Did he perhaps not want to be a father yet and it's been thrown at him? Is he feeling less of a man perhaps because you're doing your best to support the family and he's not doing his part? Is there another woman sniffing around? Fear of the responsibility of being a father? There could be a million reasons why he's distant.

I'll tell you one thing. If it was me and he was alienating my son, that would be where I would be attempting to open up the dialogue. No matter what's going on, he shouldn't be taking his shit out on an innocent child.

[kpanz143]

he doesnt work because we just got stationed at a new place. so he stays home and watches my son for me.... and if he wasnt willing to be a father he shouldnt have gotten me pregnant. its not like he didnt know wat he was doing. and if it has to do with being a man dont you think he would be doing something to change that? im pretty sure there is no other woman around because he doesnt know any body here yet. Ive asked him a million times bout being scared and feeling like a less of a man because i do take care of every thing and he says hes excited to be a dad and that theres nothing he can really do til he can finish going to school to get a good job... trust me its not like im ok with him treating my son the way he does... its not like i dont say anything.

[MaidenMinx]

When did he propose? Before or after you fell pregnant? How long had you discussed marriage for? Had you discussed what marriage would be like for you both?

One thing that dooms a lot of people when they get married is they have a pre-conceived idea of what married life should be like and it's often not at all what they think pre-married life should be like. Was your wedding stressful and expensive? How long did you move after wards? And most importantly, what type of husband was his father?

[Wakeup]

he doesnt work because we just got stationed at a new place. so he stays home and watches my son for me....

Well there's one reason why he might be emotionally detaching. He's not working, he's Mr. Mom and he's in new surroundings where he likely has no friends as yet. He could simply be depressed.

and if he wasnt willing to be a father he shouldnt have gotten me pregnant.

Did you plan the baby? Because if you didn't then you both should have been taking precaution. It's not like you didn't know what you were doing either. Do you think he would have married you if you were'nt pregnant?

and if it has to do with being a man dont you think he would be doing something to change that?

What do you suppose he do? Perhaps you could be supportive of him in that. Ask him if he'd like to look for work instead of looking after your son and being Mr. Mom. Maybe he's feeling trapped in something that is no longer much fun?

im pretty sure there is no other woman around because he doesnt know any body here yet.

Yes which is probably part of the problem. He's like any other "Military Wife" where hes new to the joint and hasn't met anyone and feels isolated, really.

Ive asked him a million times bout being scared and feeling like a less of a man because i do take care of every thing and he says hes excited to be a dad and that theres nothing he can really do til he can finish going to school to get a good job... trust me its not like im ok with him treating my son the way he does... its not like i dont say anything.

You are going to get any number of guesses from us strangers as to what is wrong with him. Perhaps it's nothing more than him just being bored. (Where's your son's father? Does he have visitation rights?) Maybe you need to let him know that his lack of intimacy and alienation is not good for a happy healthy relationship and that you'd like for him and you to go to couples counceling. I'm sure the military will have a councelor on hand. (???)

Everything is just speculation from us.

Good luck.

[Boisdevie]

He got you pregnant? Do you you understand how contraception works? YOu know, like ladies can take contraception. So getting pregnant takes two people.
Sounds like you are really in the shite.

[maxmax]

Whatever the reason, he is being an asshole.

[ConniptionFit]

This is what happens when someone gets married when he doesn't want to.

[Wakeup]

Whatever the reason, he is being an asshole.

Someone always states the obvious! Why do you think she's come to this forum? Do you think she'd be here if he was being the perfect spouse?