How to truly show how sorry I am & that I want to work things out?

[MM8815]

I was with this amazing guy back in 2007/2008. We were both teenagers, very happy & we were in love. We were even planning on getting married & building our lives together. Well, to make sure this isn't one big, mile-long paragraph I'm going to put it in a nutshell. Since I literally have no [emotional] backbone, this idiot came between us and basically broke us up. I turned up pregnant with my boyfriend's child. Three weeks after I found out I was pregnant, he moved across the country & I never saw him again.

There was a huge battle about who my son's father was and it literally ripped us apart even more. I proved them all wrong & it belonged to him & not really the idiot's, but that's a different story. He was my best friend for 2 1/2 years, & we were together 10 months, completely inseparable. I was even his first KISS. And everything else.
& then he left.
He didn't leave on his own free will, though. so keep that in mind; He was still a teenager & ... *sigh* She met this man off the internet & she moved across the country to be with him; & since my baby's dad had nowhere else to go, he was forced to drop out of high school & go with her. It's a very, very ugly situation.
My side of the situation is that the guy is still across the country after 2 years. 2 very long miserable years for me. I could count the times on one hand that I have talked to him since he left. And of course, acting with my instincts, when I would talk to him I cried about how badly I missed him, he needs to be here with his son, etc etc etc.
Well, the rumor is that he is supposed to be coming back home in a few months, and I honestly have no idea how to react. I've had false alarms of him coming back, & once I figured out that this time is the real deal, I am totally lost at what to do. I would give anything in the world for him to come back here so we could be a family.
I want to show him how sorry I am. I want him back, but I think he already has the hint, so I am definitely not pushing that one any further. I'm not expecting to just go to sleep one night, wake up & everything be honky-dory again. I have a beautiful 14 month old son that has never met his father. & that kills me because all of this could have been prevented.
I need some love advice; I have tried everything in the book to get over him. But nothing worked. & now I'm at the point I'm not going to get over him. I mean, I look at it like this; it's been 2 years, & I'm still in as much pain as I was when he left. So since I'm at this point, I may as will either sink or swim when he comes back.
It hurts because everyone around me thinks that he will come around & we will get back together. I don't know if that could possibly be a sign in my favor? But I'm so afraid of believing it because I don't want to get my hopes crushed more than what they already are.
So I was wondering if anyone out there has any tips to show how sorry I am & how I want [so badly] to start over? At least on a friendly level for my son's sake. But honestly, I'd love to have him back in my life as well.
Thank you :]

[justcheckin]

was the breakup because he found out you were cheatin on him around the same time u got pregnant or something? or did he freak out because you got pregnant?

[ConfusedAlex]

Since I literally have no [emotional] backbone, this idiot came between us and basically broke us up.

I take this to mean you had an affair?

Three weeks after I found out I was pregnant, he moved across the country & I never saw him again.

May I ask, considering the situation, why you decided to keep the child? Considering how short a period of time you'd been together, and that the father clearly didn't feel ready or able to be a parent?

There was a huge battle about who my son's father was and it literally ripped us apart even more. I proved them all wrong & it belonged to him & not really the idiot's, but that's a different story. He was my best friend for 2 1/2 years, & we were together 10 months, completely inseparable. I was even his first KISS. And everything else.
& then he left. He didn't leave on his own free will, though. so keep that in mind; He was still a teenager & ... *sigh*

As you said, its an ugly situation, I don't envy you. I would be encouraging you to move on with your life, for your own and your son's sake. There's no indication that he wants to reconcile with you from your post, dwelling on it will only consume your energy and thoughts to the exclusion of more important things.

I have a beautiful 14 month old son that has never met his father. & that kills me because all of this could have been prevented.... So I was wondering if anyone out there has any tips to show how sorry I am & how I want [so badly] to start over? At least on a friendly level for my son's sake.

Two points I'd make here. Why is it that you want to be in a relationship with him? Is it for the right reasons? I can guarantee you he will have changed considerably in the time he's been away, I'm sure you have too. Do you know him that well anymore?

My second point is that he seems to have made it clear that he did not want to be a parent. You decided to proceed with the pregnancy. It is a woman's right to decide whether to proceed or not, but I don't think you can go against the wishes of the father and then expect him to play the role of a parent. Either he wanted an abortion, and you proceeded anyway, in which case I don't think there is a strong argument that he has much obligation to you or your son to play the role of father. Or knowing that you were pregnant, he fled to the other end of the country, in which case he's a bit of a deadbeat and you probably wouldn't want anything to do with him.

90% of the problem here is that it seems that you don't really know at all what his feelings or intentions are, you've not really been very close for the last two years, what is so compelling about pursuing a relationship with him at this time? What I'm saying might sound harsh, but I'm being honest; I think you've made some poor decisions, and compounded them by not moving on from them but continuing to dwell on them.

My feeling is you should be concentrating on your education/career in order to properly be able to meet the obligations you have to your son. Stop worrying about a possible outcome (reconciliation) that might occur if he does come back to where you live (not guaranteed), rather than making decisions based on the certainties that you have (a 14 month old son to take care of, and your whole life ahead of you)

[MM8815]

was the breakup because he found out you were cheatin on him around the same time u got pregnant or something? or did he freak out because you got pregnant?

I never cheated on him.
What had happened, the idiot was determined that he had to have me. Me and the boyfriend actually wanted to have a baby, so we didn't prevent it any; I mean, I was graduated, & he was almost graduated [at the time...]. Well the idiot literally harassed me, and harrassed me, and harrassed me. He would NOT stop until he got what he wanted. & very stupidly, I didn't want to make a scene so I gave it up just to shut him up.

[MerryH]

I think the answer is "Yes, I cheated on him." Own up to it.

He abandoned you when you were pregnant and has never even seen his kid. Does he even pay child support? I find it strange that instead of focusing on your son and being a good mother, you're still hung up on this deadbeat. There's so much more that you can do with your emotions right now.