My boyfriend can't control himself when we make out

[WeeLucy]

I've been seeing my current boyfriend for 2 months, and we haven't had sex yet. Though I'm not a virgin I like to take things slowly and I don't feel we're ready yet. I have told him this, several times.

The trouble is he initiates kissing, and it usually escalates to a passionate embrace and his hands start wondering. It always ends up with him begging me for sex and telling me how frustrated he is. The thing is he is the one who initiates this, and I'm feeling pressurised. He's even told me I'm a tease - but I have told him my attitude towards sex from the start.

[WICKED THOUGHTS]

Geez, tell the boii to grease his monkey before seeing you then he wouldnt be mr octopus. But, ya.. he should respect when you say your not ready. Good luck

[ammi00]

^^ I agree. If you feel pressured, if you don't wanna do it (which is obvious), break up with him. 2 months isn't that much...

[kopite]

It's standard tactics from the bf who is yet to get into those pants. If he can't control himself then tell him to go knock one out, god did give him 2 hands. But don't budge from your stance hun.

[smackie9]

Hun if you are not ready to have sex by 2 months, then you are not ready to have a serious relationship. This isn't a standard tactic, it's a normal progression of a relationship. You both are not on the same page here so do him a favour and break up with him. Don't expect a guy to wait, find a guy that is willing to wait.

[kopite]

Hun if you are not ready to have sex by 2 months, then you are not ready to have a serious relationship. This isn't a standard tactic, it's a normal progression of a relationship. You both are not on the same page here so do him a favour and break up with him. Don't expect a guy to wait, find a guy that is willing to wait.

I didn't know having sex within 2 months was a pre requisite to being able to define that relationship as 'serious'. She should be able to wait for as long as she wants to. In some places in Asia, take Thailand for example, the girls generally take up to 3 or 4 months before they are comfy having sex.

[smackie9]

In Thailand? Not from what I have heard. Sure there are those that go by traditions, as well as own personal preference. Just stating the obvious about the horny general population. The ideology of "Waiting" has long passed in most modern societies. I'm not saying waiting is wrong. I'm saying it's wrong when you are not with the right person.

[smackie9]

What I see is a guy that is in it mostly for the sex, and I see a girl that is looking for things to be more on deeper emotional level. To me that is incompatible, unbalanced and not on the same page. Yes I know it's not right tell her to give in to make him happy, but I don't think it's fair to keep a guy frustrated either. She's feeling pressured, he's frustrated....yer at a crossroads.

[warriormaiden]

If he's sexually frustrated, and she's not willing to give in to him, then maybe he should go and find another girl who would put out quicker.

No one should have to feel pressure about anything in a relationship from their partner. If he really is there for you, and wants YOU, he would shut up, watch a porno before your date, and wait for you to say it's time.
He needs to suck it up, sex is not the proof that you have a successful relationship.

[Gratedwasabi]

This is what you do.

You tell him, straight up, "we're not having sex until I initiate it. Period. And every time you try to grope me or beg me for it, I'm going to wait longer. So behave and date me or get lost."

[WeeLucy]

Thanks for your replies.

The reason I want to take it slowly is because I have been hurt before. I lost my virginity to a guy in Sixth Form who was popular with all the girls. To cut a long story short he charmed me, slept with me and then dumped me. I was just another notch on his bed post.

Then I was in a two year relationship with a guy, which ultimately lost its romance and it seemed like the only time we spent together was so he could get sex. Plus he was always asking for anal. He was just an immature jerk now I think about it.

I now want a meaningful relationship, and I decided I wouldn't jump into bed with my boyfriend until I feel we have an emotional bond and know one another properly.

[Boisdevie]

This is what you do.

You tell him, straight up, "we're not having sex until I initiate it. Period. And every time you try to grope me or beg me for it, I'm going to wait longer. So behave and date me or get lost."

Sounds like a massive difference in sex drive. He's gonna get frustrated and leave you. 2 months is a long time before you have sex - we are not living in the 19th century for gods sake

[Avg.]

If he's making excuses now, they'll only get bigger and greater if you let them slide and actually allow him to do these things.

Don't let him. And find someone that will respect your wishes.

This is a HUGE deal.

[Zabrinah]

Effective communication is the only way this will get better. If he does thing again, make sure you make it ABSOLUTELY CLEAR that it is not okay and that you are not ready. You can say this in a clear way without being hostile. If he respects you, he will not try again. If he has no respect for you on this, he won't on anything else. I agree with the comment above you, if it comes down to it, find somebody who would just LOVE to wait until you are ready. Guys like that are out there, trust me.

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Author of the blog: How NOT to Fall In Love

[Gratedwasabi]

Sounds like a massive difference in sex drive. He's gonna get frustrated and leave you. 2 months is a long time before you have sex - we are not living in the 19th century for gods sake

I guess it depends on your point of view. While I agree that, for me, 2 months is a long time before sex (fourth date is about when I start pining for it if we haven't already) if a girl I genuinely like tells me she wants to form an emotional bond, first, and wants me to wait; no question I stand down immediately and wait. Sex isn't everything in a relationship (plus the longer you wait the more awesome it is.... usually.)