Post-Breakup -Sort of messy

[Pearlbay]

Hello people,

Let me start off by saying I've made a few post-breakup mistakes and know I shouldn't be watching her profile on FB/Twitter in whatever ninja-ways I'm doing at the moment.

My ex and I have dated for 26 months, of which the last two months were very very rocky caused by several things:
First red flag I noticed was when she stopped wearing her ring/necklace, we were sort of 'engaged' nothing official however. Her excuse for not wearing them was because she forgot to put it on after work. Which to me seemed illogical considering she worked there for over a half year by then and never ever forgot putting her ring/necklace on.

The second red flag was that she suddenly was not in the mood for sex and was under a lot of stress.

The third and heaviest red flag was when I was on her notebook and typed in some letters for whatever search I was trying to make in the urlbar and found out she had been on sites such as 'How do I make somebody fall in love with me?' 'How do I know somebody is in love with me?' you get the gist.

After the third flag I confronted her and she told me she fell in love with some guy from work, this happened around halfway june and she said she didn't do anything with her feelings.

BUT she posted cryptic messages on her Facebook/Twitter the start of july such as 'I have to work tomorrow <3' which seemed kind of weird to me and raised a few bells.

After two months of stress I went to her house with her stuff and told her we should make a decision whether to stick together or not because the stress was killing us both and she seemed to be indecisive. So we broke up even though I felt that if we worked on the relationship it could've worked out.

At some point she stated to a friend she was never(?) physically attracted to me and fell for my character.... Not sure what to think of that. Our intimacy was pretty good up till the past couple of months. Another reason was that I supposedly killed her social life/independancy.

There has been several things in our relationship SHE killed:
- She just wanted to do missionary, doggy-style(her favorite) hurt her and other stances were hasslesome which certainly made our sexlife dull and perhaps also a reason to lose interest in your partner?
- She stopped going to the gym
- She stopped going out with friends and when I kind of poked her to tell her she should do stuff with her friends because at some points they asked her if she wanted to go somewhere and she blatantly declined.
- She stopped singing/dancing

So, in short she killed her own independency by dropping hobbies, interests and friends. BUT blames it al on me... :rolleyes:

We broke up the 26th of august and have been sort of in NO CONTACT but pretty much LOW CONTACT and with this I've made mistakes as did she by breaking the NO CONTACT.

Surely I'm not a perfect boyfriend but I did try to give this relationship my all, I've had my ups and downs regarding jealousy in some occasions but never stopped her from doing things. However she had the same with me and even ran out a club once because I was casually talking to another girl(one that had a relationship with a friend of mine). Afterwards I never contacted that girl again because I didn't want to upset my girlfriend on purpose. (Beta-like? Maybe..)

She posts all sorts of lyrics especially by Disney saying stuff as if she was caged, not free and that some person is blocking her path.

Which all seems loads of crap because I always supported her in whatever she did and tried to give her back the things she dropped herself, contacted her old friends if they wanted to meet and some did, contacted the woman from the studio she singed with and that person wanted to make an album with my ex but my ex never contacted her back.

She posted something on Twitter saying: 'All you ever did was wreck me.' which is part of the song by Miley Cyrus - Wreckingball. If you read only that part it seems like I wrecked her but if you read the whole lyrics it has an entirely different meaning. Maybe I'm looking too much into it but the wound is still fresh unfortunately.

With my previous exes I never really had problems leaving them behind and moved on pretty quick but I can't let go of this girl.... She's the prettiest(also bustiest), most intelligent and funnest girl I've ever dated with.... I felt as if we were soulmates, we had pretty deep conversations, we shared a lot of interests/hobbies and we could barely keep up fighting in real because we would end up looking at each other and laugh.

Problem however is that I've said and done things (on my FB primarily) even though I blocked her on FB she probably used a second account to see what I was doing on my profile. (I didn't have it blocked to public yet) She responded to it by reacting on it with more songtexts.

Seems kind of childish but yeah that's what currently is happening and have no idea what to make of it.....

I'm sure we can be friends in the future if we really talk it out or just let it all be the past and start over, but for me there will always be that underlying feeling that I could've done better or WE could've done better and more to keep our relationship going.

Currently I'm going to the gym and went out a few times with friends and plan to do so in the future, talk to other girls again and seemingly one girl is attracted to me but I have no feelings for her as of now so I won't be acting on it. This breakup has made me HIGHER my standards rather than lowering them because of the gaping hole currently inside me.

Probably will pick up some stuff like finally get myself to finish a book, learn to play guitar or other skills that will improve my character. So yes I'm moving on as best as I can although I can't keep myself from looking on her profile once in a while... It doesn't really have to do with the breakup perse because I'm pretty curious about anything.

[Valixy]

It's pretty common for girls to centre themselves on the love relationship following their own tendencies but blame the guy for doing it later unfortunately. She probably still believes in some Disney love fantasy where the guy should fulfil all her dreams of love and just by having him in her life she should forever feel happy and stimulated. I think that you should continue with no contact, someone so unrealistic who fell for her workmate and even chose him in some way, deserves a bit of your indifference even if you have to force it. It might be the only way to make her reflect upon what happened, frustrate her quite a bit too - Disney princesses always expect attention no matter what, and give yourself the chance to move on and feel better in time.

[Pearlbay]

It's pretty common for girls to centre themselves on the love relationship following their own tendencies but blame the guy for doing it later unfortunately. She probably still believes in some Disney love fantasy where the guy should fulfil all her dreams of love and just by having him in her life she should forever feel happy and stimulated. I think that you should continue with no contact, someone so unrealistic who fell for her workmate and even chose him in some way, deserves a bit of your indifference even if you have to force it. It might be the only way to make her reflect upon what happened, frustrate her quite a bit too - Disney princesses always expect attention no matter what, and give yourself the chance to move on and feel better in time.

Just now I read an article about 'Abusive women'...

Part of it said:

Her Problem-Solving Skills Are the Problem

This type of individual has dysfunctional problem-solving skills. Instead of holding herself accountable for her bad behavior and making positive changes, she tries to solve problems by shifting blame, making excuses, verbally attacking others, vilifying others and fighting or fleeing.

I now realize she is quite the abusive person, putting the blame on me for everything in AND outside the relationship and instead of solving problems fled for it.

[byro13]

This situation seems very familiar to me too. I also didn't had much problems leaving my exes, (3 months) and I survived the pain. But my last Ex girl, even if she was a constant winy pain in the ass, I just can't forget her. She was the perfect woman for me. The kind of Dream Woman. Tall, curly hair, amazing smile, magical eye,....ah man. So it took me a year to heal from this loss.

My point here, is that when finally I got to the point after a long time, to see things clear, I am glad that I broke up with her, because my life would be a nightmare if I had to bare her constant, daily bitching and winyning. I believe this is why beautiful, gorgeous women are generally single.

[Pearlbay]

This situation seems very familiar to me too. I also didn't had much problems leaving my exes, (3 months) and I survived the pain. But my last Ex girl, even if she was a constant winy pain in the ass, I just can't forget her. She was the perfect woman for me. The kind of Dream Woman. Tall, curly hair, amazing smile, magical eye,....ah man. So it took me a year to heal from this loss.

My point here, is that when finally I got to the point after a long time, to see things clear, I am glad that I broke up with her, because my life would be a nightmare if I had to bare her constant, daily bitching and winyning. I believe this is why beautiful, gorgeous women are generally single.

I think possibly she has issues bonding or at least doesn't work on bonding. This is pretty much the only relationship I've been in where I've barely kissed the girl I was dating and that was because she didn't like kissing.
But the problem with that is kissing releases oxytocin, increases dopamine and for most women testosterone levels rise as well which all contributes to bonding and libido.

So yeah it kind of feels as if she destroyed the relationship by not putting effort in the most basic things that keep a relationship going. I've never had girls complain about my kissing skills or hear anybody complain about my breath or anything so I don't think it's because of that.

When I asked her she generally disliked the idea of germs....

But I kind of messed it up; I had a fit of rage a few days ago and said something in the lines of 'Every single woman is an insatiable untrustworthy harlot' and she took it obviously as if I was telling the world she cheated. So she told me in her last message before blocking me that she is completely done with me. (I removed her from Facebook but she apparently read through the friends of friends or a friend told her).

Not sure if I should take it as 'In the heat of the moment', judging by how we generally fought in the relationship in person we usually had to laugh at each other's frowning faces and ended up making up.


I guess I have to wait and see if she thinks about me in the future and sees a friendship as something benifitable.