old feelings that won't go away

[Kyrotech]

Hi Guys,

I was married for 12 years with the mother of our children. Divorced for 5 years now but still have very very strong feelings for her.
We never fought, but had disagreements once or twice a year
during our last months together the tension was building because of the stress, house, kids, cars (payments)
I told her that I needed to breathe a bit and if it was okay to have 1 day a week to myself and hang out with the guys. I offered her the samething, she was Fridays and I took Thursdays
everything was going good until one day she said, do you have to go out every single week? and I said yes, this is only "alone time that I have" she eventually got frustrated and started nagging me because I went out every single Thursday. I started screaming at her and then she kicked me out of the house, told me to go and live at my moms for a few days to cool off. That's what I did, it was like a vacation for me, but the reality of the matter is that I had a wife and kids to take care of. So I headed back home and decided to slow the outings every Thursday.
The tension was still there it seemed almost like nothing had changed, I could still feel her frustration and anger. I decided it time for a little break, 2-3 weeks away from each other to hopefully kindle our hearts. When I went back home, nothing had changed so we decided to file for divorce, I was asking "is this because of the freedom that I want? is this the reason for the divorce?" she said that I had changed and that my freedom was too important to give up, even for her and my kids

so few years later, I hook up with new girl (but emotionally I was not 100% ready, I was still madly in love with my ex)
not one day goes by that I don't think about her and where we failed
it has been 5 years now and I can't get her out of my head, I think that she is my soulmate (for those who believe in this)
we talk a lot because our kids play a lot of sports, so we each take turns. We see each other almost everyday and everyday I just want to hold her

I feel guilt and pain, sorrow and regret even after all this time
I want to tell her that I love her and that I want to get back together

[Valixy]

Maybe you could buy her some flowers or a little gift one day, to see how she reacts. Then invite her to dinner just the two of you and try to date her again. If she's open to any of these initiatives, you could confess your feelings safely then. In any case you will have to speak about your love for her one day even if that meant taking a risk and the sooner the better in my opinion.

[byro13]

Wow, even after 5 years your feeling are so strong for her. I thinks this means something, even if you see her every day. I don't recommend to buy any gift for the her, when you try to get her back. But the dinner invitations would be a perfect opportunity to test her feedback. You should check her body language when she talks to you. There are many hidden signs that reveal her feeling for you.

When you got these visual confirmations, then you can bring up the reconciliation idea. But do it in a cool, not cold way, and of course now the puppy way.

[Benches]

Hey Kyrotech,

I know how you feel. Myself and my ex split last year but I haven't got over her. She moved on after 5 months of splitting after 10 years together. She has dated 3 or 4 guys and slept with a couple of them. This is particularly hard for me to take as towards the end of our relationship, SHE had issues with her body and our sex life suffered. But after knowing these guys for a matter of weeks, she is happy to jump into bed...

I try to be polite and civil when she drops our son off at mine but then I think that i don't want her thinking that i'm ok that she has moved on and I become withdrawn and give one word answers.

It certainly sucks. This is the hardest thing to deal with.

I would say try and focus on something (a hobby) as my friends have advised me, but for me it hasn't worked. Possibly it could work for you. I've even tried dating but like yourself, i'm not ready. Everyday I wish she was with me.

I really hope you find the solution, there is no saying that she won't come back just as there is no saying she will. But for your sake i hope she does, because like you, i've lost my soulmate.

[Wakeup]

>Has she given you any indication that she would consider a reconciliation?
>Have you approached her to take her out to dinner or something that would show her that you're clinging to your memories of her?
>Has she gotten a new love in her life? It's been 5 years.
>Have you taken any steps at all to get to the stage of acceptance that this relationship is over or have you just kept your hope going to the point that you've not even really accepted that its over yet and so you've done zero moving on?

Don't buy her any gifts. In my opinion, that will burden her with YOUR feelings but in no way will it indear you to her. You have to show her in tangible actions that you are not the man who you once were. The man that wanted he freedom over his family. First you have to see if she'll let you show her and a romantic night out would be the place to start so see if she'll let you do that for her. If she won't, then you HAVE to learn to let go of your unrequieted feelings because there is no sense in you wasting your life pining over someone who is done with you. None whatsoever. There are ways to help you get her out of your mind. You can ask us for some exercising you can do to get on but there is no sense giving them to you now if you're not ready to hear them.

Good luck. Don't waste anymore of your time wasting your time pining over her and doing nothing about getting her back or getting the hell over her.

[Wakeup]

I'll add that if there is such a thing as a "soulmate" then you'd still be with them. Soulmates work through difficulties because they BOTH want to be together, they come to compromises because they both want the other to be happy, they don't trap one another into marriage through babies being born too soon. Nope, neither of you have lost your "soulmate." They'd not be lost if they were such a thing.