Dumped by a friend after some intimates

[peet]

Hello,

I first posted this in the wrong area I believe. So I hope this is the right section to get the proper help.

I would like some advice from man and woman with my situation which is the following.

I am 24 and I know a girl with 23 for more than two years and since the begin of this year we started to talk more often by messages, we didn't see each other because we were in different countries. It happened that in the end of July I moved to the country where she was, to start a new course, related to my area of interest, it was nothing related to her. And when I arrived it was like natural... we started going out until a point we had sex a couple of times. It happened that I really was enjoying it and I wanted to go further and start a relationship. We were going out and from what I know now she was giving me all the signs that I could go further. The problem was that I had a problematic relationship before and I didn't want to screw this one. By the time of one month we started kissing she went to her country on holidays for about one month. So I didn't ask her to be my girlfriend before she went on holidays because I wanted to be sure of what I was doing and I didn't want to hurt myself and her as well. When she flew to her country I started to miss her so much and I've decided to myself that when she came back from holidays I would ask her to be my girlfriend. And so I did. She returned, I asked her, and to simplify things she said no, because that question was not made while she was in needy for me. She thought that if I didn't ask her to be in a relationship before she went on holidays it was because I didn't want to be on a relationship and so she putted that in her mind and forgot about me. Now she says that she's alright being alone and fell happy in that way.

Right now I just ask myself why I didn't ask her before while she was giving me all the signs! I just wanted not to screw things and I did the opposite!
We are still friends, but honestly, I don't know what to do. Yesterday we talked again and I cried in front of her. At night while I was in bed I received a message from her asking if everything was ok, and I said yes.

I know that every relationship is different, but I would like to ear some of you in order to get that girl back. She is in no way compared (she is much better) to the girl of my first and last relationship that lasted for three years. I haven't been in love since that relationship ended, which was about two years ago (yes, the same time I met the girl I talk about in this topic).

I don't know if I should talk with her like nothing happened, or if I ask her not to send messages in the next days or weeks, or if I try to force things and show her my love... Help please!

PS: I am not the type of guy that surfs this kind of forums, but I do not have friends but her, in this country (UK, London). Honestly while I was surfing and searching for these forums I found some really immature answers, I hope this will not be that case, because I really love that girl and I fell very happy while I'm on her side.

[searock]

There's nothing you can do, is there? She doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, you just have to accept it. As for what to do, do whatever causes you less pain. If seeing her and being in contact with her makes you hurt, don't see her and don't be in contact with her - she'll understand, if you tell her it's because of your feelings.

[Wakeup]

know that every relationship is different, but I would like to ear some of you in order to get that girl back

Stop all contact and all hanging out with her. If she's interested in you, she'll wonder where you got to and she'll contact you... once she's done that, you're then in the drivers seat. You can choose to have nothing to do with her or you can choose to ask her to be your gf again. If she says "no." Then never talk to her again so that you can get over her. You need to be over her before you'll be a good bf to anyone else.

[peet]

There's nothing you can do, is there? She doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, you just have to accept it. As for what to do, do whatever causes you less pain. If seeing her and being in contact with her makes you hurt, don't see her and don't be in contact with her - she'll understand, if you tell her it's because of your feelings.

Thank you. You are right there's nothing I can do. I think I've showed my love in full.

Stop all contact and all hanging out with her. If she's interested in you, she'll wonder where you got to and she'll contact you... once she's done that, you're then in the drivers seat. You can choose to have nothing to do with her or you can choose to ask her to be your gf again. If she says "no." Then never talk to her again so that you can get over her. You need to be over her before you'll be a good bf to anyone else.

Thanks for your reply,

Even if she sends me a message asking if everything is ok I shouldn't answer her?

[searock]

If she asks you if you're ok and wants to know why you interrupted communication with her, tell her the truth: tell her that you are hurt because of your unreciprocated feelings, therefore it's best if you don't keep in touch anymore.

[Wakeup]

Even if she sends me a message asking if everything is ok I shouldn't answer her?

No, you should answer her and tell her that everything is fine and would she like to go on a date with you. Use the word "date." If she says no, then tell her "then in that case, see ya."

You don't have to tell her your feelings. If you're asking her out on a romantic date its quite obvious that you are interested in her as more then a friend. Let HER tell you her feelings before you tell her yours. (once again) In this instance it's the way it should be since you've already told her already how you feel. Don't keep doing that or it will turn her right the fk off if you keep persisting with your feeeeeeelings. If you tell her anything, tell her you have enough friends and you don't need a female one that you'd like more with. Then end the conversation.

[smackie9]

I have a question.....did YOU give her all the right signals before she went on holidays? Did you see her off and tell her you were going to miss her? and that you will be waiting for her when she gets back?

[peet]

I have a question.....did YOU give her all the right signals before she went on holidays? Did you see her off and tell her you were going to miss her? and that you will be waiting for her when she gets back?

I said I missed her when she went on holidays. I even made a post on tumblr saying that I was waiting for her return.

And I remember to write a message before her flight saying that I would miss her.

[smackie9]

Ya but how did you say it? With passion? was it meaningful?

[peet]

Ya but how did you say it? With passion? was it meaningful?

I have to admit that I am a bit cold person. I'm an Engineer and my mind is always thinking logically and mathematically and I do not have many emotions and perhaps I didn't say it in a passion way, but it was something like this.


Before her flight I sent her a message saying: "Have a good flight. I will miss you so much Kisses" and she answered "Me too "

And the post I made on tumblr was a photo of the sun on Hyde Park that I took while I was taking a walk with her and I titled it "Waiting for your return" and putted an hashtag with her name.

As far as I remember this was like what happened.

[smackie9]

Yup You lack effort in the romance dept. This is kind of why it fell flat. Women want romance, flowers sent to them unexpectedly, a love poem, a compliment about how beautiful she is,....messages like how you long for her scent, the touch of her hair, her smile blah blah blah. They expect it, and it to continue throughout the relationship.

You sent her two messages, that's it. No seeing her off at the airport....no grand gesture.

(Man if I was a guy I sure would be getting laid lots.)

[peet]

Yup You lack effort in the romance dept. This is kind of why it fell flat. Women want romance, flowers sent to them unexpectedly, a love poem, a compliment about how beautiful she is,....messages like how you long for her scent, the touch of her hair, her smile blah blah blah. They expect it, and it to continue throughout the relationship.

You sent her two messages, that's it. No seeing her off at the airport....no grand gesture.

(Man if I was a guy I sure would be getting laid lots.)

I wanted to go get her at the airport but she said there was no need for that. And I thought to appear there by surprise, but then I also thought that I would be putting a lot of pressure on her. So I didn't.

The first time I was with her after she arrived I did the dinner for her in her house and offered flowers the next day and the day after I asked her to be my girlfriend, but it was too late. f+ck!

I want to give her all of this romance again and I thought in leaving a letter in her house saying all the pretty things, but after she said she just want us to be friends it would be stupid by me and will put a lot of pressure on her, am I right?

This is my doubt, I don't know if I force things or if I make no contact

[smackie9]

No dude it wasn't too late....she just wasn't interested in a relationship. If it was too late she would have declined your dinner invitation or even want to see you. She was a coward and placed the blame on you. She wasn't that into you that is all. So stop wasting your time with her....it's done. Go no contact and move on.

[searock]

Yeah I also think she was never actually into you, not that much. There's nothing you could have done differently that would have made her want a relationship with you - she isn't into you. Go no contact and you'll soon be over her :-).

[peet]

Yeah I also think she was never actually into you, not that much. There's nothing you could have done differently that would have made her want a relationship with you - she isn't into you. Go no contact and you'll soon be over her :-).

Thank you for your help.

She's the kind of girl I imagined to be close to perfect (no one is perfect). Always smiling, doesn't care about others thinkings, living her own life, no bother the others, looking always to the positive perspective. Is in some way like me. And when we started this, when I arrived this country, it was like a dream to me, because I've never had that feeling before, like everything was perfect, we liked each others conversations, we cared about each other, we went out for dinner several times and walked holding hands, we hugged, I took her home and said goodbye with a kiss. Is was kind of magical because it was like it was meant to be that way. Before this we only were two times together and it was two years ago.

But it's so hard to understand. She said that never had a situation like ours, you know, having sex before relationship. What if she's doing this just to get more from me, just for me to show more love and stop being a cold person? Is that a possibility?


Why love is so complicated?! :/