Having a hard time and considering writing a letter

[Nicole213]

Hello! My boyfriend of almost 3 years broke up with me about a month and a half ago. We've broken up before ( always his decision) and Its always the same reasons: he blamed everything on me and Said I didn't make enough time / effort. I recently graduated college and he's about to transfer, so we were both busy with school, but I would still make time for us. I'd go over before class and after class too. I'd plan date nights and movie nights. I was also doing my internship and trying to find a job, on top of raising my daughter. He has kids, is older than I am, and doesn't work (just does tattoos). Granted, I wasn't always there everyday, but this summer and every other summer, we'd spend a lot of time together too. He said he made it easy for me by 'waiting around for me' , and yet when he broke up with me ( over text I might add) he said he was 'tired of being the idiot waiting for me' because he said his 'friends' said he was an idiot for still being with me . Since we broke up over text, I didn't really have a chance to say what I wanted to say and feel like writing him a letter would help me. But I've heard it might do more harm than good. He also didn't attend my graduation for various ' reasons ' and still blamed me :/

[smackie9]

You do whatever you feel that's in your heart. Just have your say. If nothing comes of it, at least you will have closure.

[vashti]

If you are certain you won't add to your hurt if he doesn't respond, go ahead and write, but wait a couple of days to send it, so you can be sure you have said everything exactly the way you want. But be careful, if he chooses to ignore you, you might feel worse.

[Agnus]

a letter would help me. But I've heard it might do more harm than good.

You can write a letter to God. I always do that.

[Nicole213]

I want to only because I feel like it wasn't really fair the way he handled it and just left. Not only did he break up over text, but the day before he broke up with me, he posted on his public Facebook that he was going to break up with me .... Even before talking to me about it!! It all just hurts. Constantly being blamed for everything has made me feel like I'm just not Enough.

[Agnus]

Maybe, he was not your true boyfriend if he treated you like that? Friends don't do that. He was a player.

[smackie9]

Was he the jealous type? You know...he felt you must have been cheating on him because you didn't have time for him?

[Nicole213]

No I don't think so. We'd talk or see Eachother almost everyday. I'd see him before and after classes. I'd suggest going to lunch if we got out at the same time. I'd even ditch class to be with him. If I wasn't with him, I was home with my daughter and doing school stuff. He knew it. If he had any of those ideas in his head, it's because of his 'friends' .

[Starnique]

He's coming off like an asshole to me. It's not like you're intentionally not spending time with him. You should've said, well excuse the hell out me for trying to better my life. Anyway, yes write a letter if it will make you feel better. I always do that if its someone I had strong feelings for. Letters give me closure for some reason because nine times out of ten, their going to read it. Like Vashti, said write it and give it a few days to make sure you said all you had to say. Give it to him straight no chaser. Say whatever you feel because you have that right.

[smackie9]

Something isn't adding up. It's juvenile to post your pending breakup on FB, unless he is really pissed off at you, you know, like you were cheating on him or you are too clingy. What's his tude about?

[basilandthyme]

I want to only because I feel like it wasn't really fair the way he handled it and just left. Not only did he break up over text, but the day before he broke up with me, he posted on his public Facebook that he was going to break up with me .... Even before talking to me about it!! It all just hurts. Constantly being blamed for everything has made me feel like I'm just not Enough.

Nicole, it may not have been fair, but given the history of the relationship - it was very much to be expected. If a guy keeps breaking up with you and blaming it all on you, then you'd have to be pretty stupid to keep taking him back. Figuring out that he'll do it to you again isn't exactly rocket science.

It's true that you are at fault here. Not in the way he sees it, but in the way that you choose to put yourself in harm's way and then are upset when you get hurt. You really must learn to make better decisions for yourself.

Sorry to be harsh - but you really need to give yourself a kick up the rear end for returning to him after he's shown a pattern of treating you badly.