Checking out other women

[Crackerlove]

I would like guys opinions please. I am dating a guy who seems really smitten by other women a lot of the time (particulary younger). To me it's not THAT a guy looks but HOW he is looking. He tells me I have nothing to worry about but for some reason it makes me irate (I am 10+ years younger than him BTW).

Yesterday we were at a store and this woman (10 years younger than I) was helping him pick out a new phone. He kept looking her over everytime she bent over and tripped a few times in her presence.

After we left the store I asked him "I want to ask you something without you getting defensive. What are you thinking about when you are looking at young women?" "Why" he asked. "Because you seem very smitten by them a lot of the time." He denied at first he was checking any of them out and then said "Are you talking about the girl with the long hair and nice ass?" ("Great" I thought). He told me I was overreacting and that he is not doing anything any other guy wouldn't do. I asked "What is going thru your mind? Are you thinking of having sex with them? Maybe you'd rather be dating a 20-something woman?" He said "I'm just noticing someone is attractive. I'm not undressing them with my eyes or thinking of having sex! There's nothing wrong with looking. If I were hitting on her that would be a different thing." Then he tried to reassure me: "I'm with someone I really like and find attractive. And I like when other men notice you. I know they are noticing because you are very attractive."

I told him I am afraid he is going to leave me in 10 years for a younger woman like he did after he left his ex-wife. "I'm 50 years old. You think I'd be interested in a woman young enough to be my daughter?!" "You already DID date a woman who was young enough to be your daughter," I reminded him (he dated a woman in her late 20s a couple years before me). "I've dated women of all ages since my divorce including my age. Anyway, I got that out of my system." "Out of your system?" I said. "I wanted to date someone young and wild and vivcaious and I got it out of my system." "But you've told me you like younger women and that even your friends told you you should date someone in their 30s which is why you are seeing me. But I still wonder if I'm young enough. What is too young for you?" He didn't answer right away. "You have to think that long about it?" I said. Then he said something like "well there are guys who go to other countries and have sex with 12 year olds. "That's nice. What are you saying?" I said. "I would never do that" he said (he himself was a victim of child sexual abuse). Then he said: "I probably wouldn't get involved with someone under 30 now. The life experience difference is too great."

He told me was really irritated. We have been down this road before and he is really bothered about it and told me it is becoming a real problem. I don't know what to think. I remember even when we were leaving the store he turned around and checked her out one last time. It makes me irate and I don't know what to do.

I guess my question guys is: when a guy is taking such great lengths, consciously or not, to check out other women... is it a sign he'd rather be with someone else?

[vashti]

I guess my question guys is: when a guy is taking such great lengths, consciously or not, to check out other women... is it a sign he'd rather be with someone else?

I don't know about that, but I can tell you that if by the age of 50 he hasn't learned how to check out women with better discretion, you may have a problem.

[vashti]

I want to clarify my thoughts: I think it is NORMAL for 50 year old men to check out 20 year olds, but I think that they usually have mastered the art of discretion by then. Women notice attractive males in their 20s, but usually have no further attraction once the guy starts talking because the age gap shows up in conversation. Therefore, I guess it is possible that men are the same way.

[Gigabitch]

Anyone else think we need to get Crackerlove together with Nebulachic?

[Crackerlove]

Yeah I guess the real problem is that I don't trust him - with young or old women. He touts himself as monogamous but I asked once why he is and he said "That's just the way I was brought up. My parents were that way." Is that a good enough reason? Mommy and daddy's example?

When he drinks his "other side" seems to come out. One night, and in front of his friend's 20 year old daughter, he was pretty loaded and we were driving thru the city and all of a sudden he yelled out "Let's go to a strip club!" So now I wonder about that too.... when he goes out drinking with the guys... God only knows what he's doing.

[vashti]

Anyone else think we need to get Crackerlove together with Nebulachic?

Now that you mention it, they have an awful lot in common. Maybe they are the same person.

[jurupa]

Crackerlove - You basically described my dad. For some reason he seems to think it is okay to check out girls that are in their 20's when I am around him. Personally I hate it and I know if I brought it up I will be getting a shit load from him. So I instead act rebelous and he stops. But quiet frankly if he can't checkout other girls in a more respectfull manner around you, mabye you should break up with him. Its one thing to check out another girl when your girl friend is around you, its another to make a scene out of it.

[Gigabitch]

Crackerlove - You basically described my dad. For some reason he seems to think it is okay to check out girls that are in their 20's when I am around him.

Ugh! Doesn't he realize he's disrespecting your mom? You should slap him upside the head.

[jurupa]

Ugh! Doesn't he realize he's disrespecting your mom? You should slap him upside the head.

Uh my parents have been divorced for 6 yeas now. My mom doesn't care what he does now anyway unless it involes me (hey she is mom and had the right to worry)

[Gigabitch]

My mom doesn't care what he does now anyway unless it involes me (hey she is mom and had the right to worry

Does she worry about you hanging around with such a pig-man?

[jurupa]

Does she worry about you hanging around with such a pig-man?

Not really becuase she knows my dad pretty darn well as they have been married for 26 years. I may be young, but I think I can handle my self pretty darn well in most situations anyway. But calling my dad a pig-man is not even close to it, and trust me there is no one word that fits him either.

[Junket]

Okay, first thing chickgirl, if you want guy's opinions around 'ere, you'll want to keep it short and get straight to the point. I lost interest within the first paragraph.

EDIT: Lucky for you I caught that last sentence.

I guess my question guys is: when a guy is taking such great lengths, consciously or not, to check out other women... is it a sign he'd rather be with someone else?

That's all you need to post.

And no, it doesn't mean that, you're a very insecure 40 year old. (correct me if I'm wrong on the age)

[Gigabitch]

Okay, first thing chickgirl, if you want guy's opinions around 'ere, you'll want to keep it short and get straight to the point. I lost interest within the first paragraph.

EDIT: Lucky for you I caught that last sentence.

That's all you need to post.

And no, it doesn't mean that, you're a very insecure 40 year old. (correct me if I'm wrong on the age)

You already know the story. I'm pretty sure this is neb, just changed her SN because everyone was so tired of her NOT LISTENING to our extremely HEARTFELT advice.

That's right, I'm shouting.

[Junket]

You already know the story. I'm pretty sure this is neb, just changed her SN because everyone was so tired of her NOT LISTENING to our extremely HEARTFELT advice.

That's right, I'm shouting.

Heh, you guys are pretty good at catchin' that shit.

I just assume that most of the world that comes through here is as dense as she.

[Gigabitch]

The clue is her readable posts and decent sentence structure. She's too smart to be with that pigola.