Lost feelings of attraction

[DSPRT ROMANTIC]

Hi, me and my girlfriend have been dating for almost 2 years. We have a very intense relationship, when it's good, it's the best, but when its bad, it's so painful.
Recently it has been very bad and arguments every day have really worn us both down and i have found myself feeling less attracted to her. Sex with her no longer seems exciting and I no longer find her arousing. When she confronted me about my feelings I rashly broke up with her up and this all happened over the phone as she goes to university about 3 hours away. I feel terrible, I think I may have made a huge mistake but i don't know if this is mainly due to guilt or if I actually want to be with her again. If we were to get back together could my feelings of attraction return or once lost, are they gone forever?

[Wakeup]

Why would you want to get back with someone that you don't get along with and who you have lost your emotional connection to? That would just be stagnating you from getting past these initial feelings that everyone goes through. It takes more then your fear of being without her to make a relationship a happy and healthy... one without all the bickering.

You are just lonely and going through the initial withdrawl of not having her in your life. Give it time and with zero contact you'll not want to go back.

[signal]

Hey man, even if they do come back, they will fade away eventually. What are you looking for in a relationship? If it's a feeling of attraction, then I'm sorry to say that you'll be switch in and out of relationship a lot. I'm saying this since I feel like parts of a good relationship is after you are able to work through the conflicts and really get to know one another completely, good & bad. Attraction is part of a relationship, but not all of it.

[love12345]

Feelings of attraction are very circumstantial so you're going to have to give more information if you want sound advice.
Firstly, was there a turning point when your feelings began to change? Did the arguments turn you off? Or was she generally unattractive ie. over weight, ugly or just not as good as you (no offence)?
Secondly, was there someone else in the picture maybe another girl and this made u realize that your feelings had changed?
Thirdly, has this happened before? If the girls are generally attractive and you always lost attraction, maybe you're just not cut out for being with the same girl for such a long time? or you could be gay?

If you answer these, I can give you some more advice.

[michelle23]

Why are you arguing a lot and how long have you been arguing for. Raw sexual attraction always fades once your comfortable with each other and the honeymoon period fades so you need to think about other reasons to a) stay together or b) break up.

If its full of stress, drama and arguments then theres no point being together

In saying all that though-after 6 years with my bf, I still find him v attractive and I know he is the same with me

[DSPRT ROMANTIC]

Yes this has happened to me before however this is my first long-term relationship and in the past i have actually felt that the girls i was seeing were not as attractive as me and that i could do better. My girlfriend now is honestly one of the most beautiful women i have ever met and i think we make a reallu good-looking couple. We had been arguing basically constantly over the last few months. I can distinctly remember feeling different sexually after she broke up with me about 3 weeks ago, she almost immediately took me back but straight afterwards i remember feeling a sort of emptiness towards her but this may have started before that. Right now that we are broken up for about a week, i have started missing her body a lot and i feel like she has become sexy to me again but i think that this may be because it feels like she doesn't want me any more. I'm definitely not gay and there isnt anyone else in the picture.

- - - Updated - - -

i cant really put my finger on what it is that is going so wrong, most of our arguments are so petty. However she often sais that im selfish and i dont give as much to the relationship as she does and i can understand this but i dont think that im really that bad but she really is such a giving and generous person it makes me feel incredibly guilty that i should have broken up with her. One persistent factor for me has been how sensitive and emotional she is, only small things will make her really upset and she is inclined towards sulking and holding onto little things that i may do. She is also very critical and during arguments she tends to make generalisations which often feel to me like shots at my character which can really hurt.

Im not sure if my feelings of regret are just guilt and pity for her but i really do recognise how kind and generous she is to me and when things are good they are so good, we can really get along and have similar tastes and senses of humour etc. Up until now, our sex lives have been one constantly good thing about our relationship, we seemed to have a serious physical connection. I am just worried that i may have made a really big mistake which i will regret later on but more than anything i dont want to rush into anything and hurt her all over again because i really care about her.

sorry if i started waffling, any responses would really be appreciated

[michelle23]

I honestly dont know what advice to give. Only you can decide whether shes worth it or not. How many boxes does she tick for you in terms of compatibility and can you live with the few imperfections??

Maybe you both need to learn how to communicate better

Just remember: no relationship is perfect, they all have there ups and downs and did you ever consider that you could be the problem? Maybe your seeking something that doesnt exist by constantly thinking the grass is greener or that there is someone "better" out there. Maybe you dont know the difference between infatuation and love?

Love is like a flower. It has to be nurtured and watered continuously so it keeps growing. Its not supposed to wither and die if it has a few days without rain

[love12345]

it sounds pretty obvious to me, her breaking up with you probably hurt you a lot, so you just manifested that pain and it made you physically less attracted to her... it probably was temporary and just stayed longer because of the arguments.

If you really do think she is beautiful that attraction will come back.

It sounds like you just wanted a break from the emotional drama, but now have probably hurt her too much. Breaking up over the phone is always a bad idea, even if the relationship is long distance and if you've told her about this attraction thing you can kiss your chances, and her self-esteem goodbye...
Now you're going to have to think about
a)whether she is worth it or not?
b)Do you think you can do better?
c)Do you love her enough to work on things?

And as for your feelings of regret... think about if she moved on with another guy and was totally over you.
Would you just be happy? or hurt?
If happy, then you probably do just pity her...

Good luck, let us know for more advice man

[DSPRT ROMANTIC]

Thank you so much you really have been a lot of help. When we first broke up, I really felt like knowing that she was with another person would make me happy because i felt like she really did to deserve to be happy in her relationship. I know what I have done really must have shattered her self-esteem and very possibly my own chances. Now if I think about her with someone else, totally over me it does hurt, progressively day by day ive really started to miss her more and more and I think that I may have made a mistake. I am not totally sure however and above all I dont want to rush back into anything.

I think that maybe our relationship had just gotten too intense, although at the time i didnt feel too smothered, thinking back she was quite demanding in terms of attention and the way in which I should be acting as she was quite jealous and very sensitive. For example if I didnt phone her a few days in a row but we still talked as she phoned me, she might say that I never phoned her and i feel like she would often control me through guilt. It wasn't that I didnt want to phone her or be with her a lot because i really did love her but maybe it was all just too much, especially when we argued so much. As well i think talking so much over a long distance wasn't smart because it made arguments which would have been easily resolved if we were with each other, so much more damaging and exhausting. I have tried to talk to her about these things but she just said that, that's what she wants in a relationship and that she doesnt believe in breaks.