Does he love me? - he claims not to - signs might show contrary

[paragon]

hello, I would very much appreciate the answer of males. You could possibly shed a light here.
I am 41 and have fallen in love with a man who is 46. We got along very well from the start and after a few days it was feeling like a crush which has developed further on. We have a lot of things in common, same job, music, movies, dancing, biking, walking, like the same kind of food and sweets plus a lot more.
I have told him about my feelings at various occasions. He feels very flattered but claims, he is not in love with me, he just likes me. We spend a lot of time together inititated by me and him in even shares. I call him on the phone, he will do the same the next time. He tries to fulfill my every wish, he cooks for me, he serves me breakfast in bed, he takes care of my ervery need, makes me sandwhiches and coffee for my trip to work. We have soft-started a sexual relationship as well, which has developed further on. Both of us enjoy it really much. For my upcoming birthday he has cancelled a trip which he has planned for months and which seemed to be utterly important to him. I could go on with a lot of gestures, signs, non-verbally all together. Has any male out there have had a similar relationship, in which he did anything for a woman he only liked but not loved?? Thanks for any answer.

[ecojeanne]

love is a very strong word and he obviously takes this word very seriously - as do i. just because you have told him you love him doesn't mean he has to reciprocate. you need to ask him does he ever want this relationship to become a serious one? if he says no...well there is your answer - he is enjoying the relationship as it is and obviously wants to please you but not to the point of admitting something that's not true. he may change his mind later but you need to decide whats more important; what you have or what you don't have

[Everlovin]

To answer your question, yes I've had relationships with females where I liked them and unfortunately they loved me, I hate the term "booty call" but thats basically what they were to me. I still took them out for dinner and did some activities together but it was really all about the sex. We did have interesting conversations and good times together too but I knew it would never go anywhere.

How long have you been seeing him?

I don't like to put a set number on it like two, three or six months. But if I tell someone that I love them its because its real. I have told a girl (booty call) of mine that I loved her, I actually do love her...as a friend. But thats a unique case because we've known each other for years (since high school actually) and we've seen each other through some rough times. But she knows she will never be my girlfriend, we won't move in together, we won't go on vacations together, though she has spent the night here and there.

Your guy obviously cares about you. Don't pressure him that just my advice.

Hope this has given you some ideas into what a guy could be thinking about all this.

[Gigabitch]

I'm not a guy, but I have some experience with them, so I'd like to point out something to you: Some guys will feel that they've taken care of the whole issue by telling you they're not interested in getting serious. They will then proceed to ACT as if they're completely into you, taking you out, having sex with you, introducing you to their families, and then saying, quite earnestly, that it's your own fault if you fall in love with them because they told you from the beginning that they weren't looking for love.

My wise friend Lissie often says that they'll tell us the truth from the very beginning if we just listen, but we're usually too busy hearing what we want to hear instead. Don't do that. Listen to what he SAYS.

[paragon]

dear everlovin

thanks a million for sharing your opinion and personal experience. You certainly have a point in telling me, not to pressure him. This is exactly how I feel about it, because what I (we) have established here, is sooo much more already, than I could ever have expected. He treats me with all the respect one could ever wish for, makes me laugh and takes me very seriously. When I bring work to his house, we can sit there working side by side, afterwards we would turn to either preparing lunch/dinner or snuggling/kissing .......
It all feels so right and meant to be, and this is fortunately exactly how he feels about it as well (so he tells me often). During the week we both spend the night in our own appartments, it is only the weekends we spend almost all the time together, living and behaving like a couple. To make sure not to pressure him I do always take turns in phoning him and waiting until he is phoning. And he does on the dot. Has he said 7.30 it will be 7.30 (guaranteed). He does always make sure I do know his schedule, and will never hang up before he or I have asked when to meet or call again. He would never go to sleep before I have rung him to let him know, that I got home safe and sound. There is so much more.... But it will all go same direction.
Thanks again for your support, if there is anything else you would like to contribute, I would be more than happy to get to know your thoughts.
take care
paragon

[Everlovin]

Paragon,

From what you just said, I think this guy really likes you. I would just give it some time. He is being careful because he wants to tell you that he loves you at the right time.

Only he knows what the right time is, so just give him some time and he will come around.

[cheeryelfin]

dear everlovin

thanks a million for sharing your opinion and personal experience. You certainly have a point in telling me, not to pressure him. This is exactly how I feel about it, because what I (we) have established here, is sooo much more already, than I could ever have expected. He treats me with all the respect one could ever wish for, makes me laugh and takes me very seriously. When I bring work to his house, we can sit there working side by side, afterwards we would turn to either preparing lunch/dinner or snuggling/kissing .......
It all feels so right and meant to be, and this is fortunately exactly how he feels about it as well (so he tells me often). During the week we both spend the night in our own appartments, it is only the weekends we spend almost all the time together, living and behaving like a couple. To make sure not to pressure him I do always take turns in phoning him and waiting until he is phoning. And he does on the dot. Has he said 7.30 it will be 7.30 (guaranteed). He does always make sure I do know his schedule, and will never hang up before he or I have asked when to meet or call again. He would never go to sleep before I have rung him to let him know, that I got home safe and sound. There is so much more.... But it will all go same direction.
Thanks again for your support, if there is anything else you would like to contribute, I would be more than happy to get to know your thoughts.
take care
paragon

Hi paragon, I am not a guy too. But from reading your posts, I think both of you are serious about each other. And because you 2 are in your 40s, your life experiences have made you more responsible to relationships. I am envious of you and I wish you every success there is for your relationship with him.

Like what some have said, I woud too agree that you let him do the pacing.

Best wishes !

[mike_love]

May be he does love you but just wants to wait a little more time to see were the realationship goes before he says "I love you to" or doesn't love you and just feels very good arround you. Anyway like someoane before me said... you should just ask him how serious is he about the relationship...

[Male Man]

He wants sex and is paying you by 'taking care' of you. Some would already call this love...or marriage.