Confusion

[NewlyBroken]

Hello,

I've had couple really bad relationships, in which every time the guy started behaving strangely and it always meant he wanted to leave.
After 4 failures I decided to go on dating website as started thinking I'm being dragged somehow to idiots and timewasters who want only to have fun with me. Also, I started thinking maybe I'm not lovable at all and this is the reason why it never worked.
So, I had 3 dates, which one turned out to be a really great guy, who doesn't do drugs, doesn't drink much and is responsible. Since then we've been seeing each other and it's been 4 months. I've been quickly introduced to his friends and always been showed he really cares about me. Then, last weekend I made a mistake- had only couple shots of vodka at the party and it made me driunk and he had to take me home. I've never reacted to such a small amount of alcohol that badly but apparently it wasn't my day for drinking. I apologised for this as felt embarassed as really wanted to meet more of his friends and taking me home at midnight meant I couldn't do it. He said it's all right and it just happens and he knows I donT drink much anyway, so should stop being hard on myself. Same day I suffered hangover we booked tickets to Paris and made our way to meet his other friends for a dinner and movie. As I wasn't feeling m best I wasn't very talktive that evening. Also, as all his close firends live with girlfriends I started feeling jealous about it as it never happened to me that someone loved me so much to live with me (even during 4 years relationship with my ex) and I started feeling like I was worse than these girls. I've been trying to chat and smile but inside I simply was upset. When we returned to his place after movie, he asked me what's going on as he's not stupid and see that's something wrong. I simply lied to him by saying everthing is fine but still was very quiet. What obviously made the situation worse. As he's been really tired for the past few weeks as he works really hard, we just fell asleep, next morning he got up, had a shower, we had a small morning chat, gave me a kiss and went to work. And my female freaky mind started working the things out. As usually he asks me what i'm doing during thw week, so we could see one evening, this time he didn't offer this. Also he only answers my text mesages, doesn't text me first now (he's really crap in answering messages anyway- it's just he is and I somehow I got used to it but it happened he was texting me first). So, as most of women I started thiking maybe he wants to leave as I turned out to be an idiot that night.
What I'm confused about is the fact maybe I overreact as had bad previous experience with guys and also feel this pressure as all my friends managed to get husbands and long term boyfirends and I'm the only one who's always been unlucky (the 30 years old woman syndrome). What struck me, I notice I really care about him. And it scares me too as being afraid to be hurt and I don't deal with this very well- especially now, knowing I passed the time when one guy leave there's the chance to have the other one- but I'm not 20 something anymore. It's more difficult to find someone because of my age and experience.
Am I overreacting?

[searock]

You need to be more open and honest with him. Next time you see each other, tell him what you've told us on this thread.

[NewlyBroken]

Hello, searock

Thank you for you answer.
What exactly should I tell him? I don't want to look like the insecure one and it's a nail to the coffin, don't you think?

[searock]

Make him read this thread... this is how you honestly feel, and there is no point being in a relationship with someone if there is no honesty and trust.

[Boisdevie]

Tell him how you feel. A good relationship should be based on communication in both directions. If you can't communicate with him now then the relationship is already doomed.
If he's a nice guy he'll understand your feelings. If he doesn't understand then he's a tosser and you're better off without him anyway. So you really can't lose by being honest.

[NewlyBroken]

I agree but where is his reaction from? Maybe simply nothing is going on and it's only in my head because of my previous experience?

[searock]

Who knows? If you communicate with him, you'll know.

[NewlyBroken]

Hello, Boisdevie

Should I really tell him I actually realised I deeply care for him and it made me scared and being hangover wasn't the best time to tell him that?

[searock]

It sounds like a good idea to me. Let us know how it goes!

[NewlyBroken]

OK.
What do you think about his behaviour then? Everything's been pretty good till that late Sunday night...

[Boisdevie]

You are going to drive yourself nuts analysing everything here. Just talk to him and try to stop obsessing.

[bcgirl]

30 is the new 20. C'mon, don't beat yourself up too much about this. Men are attracted to confidence not insecurity. Think about all the other women out there married since they were 25 and in the process of a divorce at 45 having to start all over with children

[NewlyBroken]

Hello,

Thank you all for your answers.

What has happened is he surprisingly asked me on Saturday evening to crash at his place when I finish hanging out with my friends. Well, I was more than happy to do it. Ten we spent really nice Sunday afternoon. The day after I got message from him where he admitted he's really tired but it was worth to stay up late with me as he had really good fun. Only good feedback so far.
We've seen on Wednesday evening and had some nice time together- spoke mainly about his job as he feels really stuck and hence he's ambitious, I know it's very important to him right now. We didn't manage to find a hotel for our Paris trip (got already tickets) as he's very tired (finally went to see GP regarding this) and it was late in the evening. He promised to have a look on Thursday, before his Friday flight to New York (went to visit his parents for a week). As had to do a handover he didn#t manage ot answer my e- mail regarding hotel- did it late in the evening. I responded on Friday. Then silence from his side. Itexted him to wish good flight and good time in NY and he seemed to be pretty excited about the break. In general, all week seemed to be fine.
But then, since Friday he hasn't ben in touch with me. Well, is on a break- needstime for himself. Yesterday on my Facebook wall popped out conversation between him and a friend and looks like he's getting in touch with his friends but not with me. I wonder why. Any ideas? Been thinking about it and being honest, I don't want to play any games. I really like him and think we could've something really solid between us but if he's not into me anymore or so, I can't try to force him to be with me and just leave. Any suggestions?

[NewlyBroken]

P.S. I told him why I was quiet that night when we wnet out with his friends. There was no comment from his side.

[Self Tweaks]

I already addressed this in the other thread you started, but my advice is still the same.

Just talk to him about how you feel. Stop worrying about how it may look. It doesn't matter how you look, you need clarity and the only way you're gonna get it is by talking to him and expressing how you feel to him.