Should you tell your best friend how you really feel about them?

[Dreaming168]

I would love to get an honest female opinion on my complicated situation..

I used to date this girl, but we decided we were better off as friends. We have been friends for 3 years now and have been trying to make this friendship work, but lately my feelings for her have come back. This makes it awkward so I tried to distance myself..

What do you think I should do? I think she knows how I feel about her but should I tell her again and lay it all out there? I'm really starting to think that the best thing for us is to let it go in order to move on, but I don't want to lose my best friend. But if I stay, I would be lying to myself and hurt on inside for the sake of our friendship..

[Gigabitch]

I think this topic wins for "most frequently posted".

I always say that your friendship is already compromised by your feelings, and you have nothing to gain by hanging back. What you fear to lose is already gone.

Try to approach her in a somewhat different way, talk to her about it, with more eye contact and touching than usual. Be as sexually confident as you can be. Then let her think about it.

[squirrley]

AGREE with Giga!

You can only put yourself out there and see what happens, if you dont you'll never know and could have regrets! I highly doubt that if she decided not to pursue it further she would say you couldnt be friends!

Go for it!

[sine24]

my say; just tell her how you feel. she is your best friend right? if so, then she will respect and understand your feelings. if your friendship is strong enough, you guys will pull through it. who knows, somewhere down the track you might even find out that she feels the same way about you. not a guarantee..but its worth a shot. friendships are based on trust...and as you mentioned, you are lying to yourself..and to her. dont put yourself through it just for the sake of 'keeping things as they are' cos its the safe thing to do. if she chooses not to be your friend when you tell her how you feel, then i dont think she's worth the trouble. be true to yourself!!

[Syaugust13]

Perhaps for you right now, you are afraid that the r/s may be at stake, but yeah since you guys had sorta been together before that, and are best friends now, my feel is end of the day even if your feelings towards her are make known, its not exactly going to jeopardise the friendship... So don't worry too much... do what you feel is right....

[IndiReloaded]

But if I stay, I would be lying to myself and hurt on inside for the sake of our friendship..

^This is the sticking point to me. That you would only be _pretending_ to be happy w/the friendship, while hiding the hurt that you really want more.

It really depends. Is there a chance she could be more to you? Is she single? Does she return your feelings? If yes, then I agree w/the other posters to 'lay it on the line'. If not, then you need to make an honest choice about what you really want for you, her & your relationship. It also depends on your age; its easier to adjust to complex feelings when you have some experience in these matters.

Also, sometimes you just need to step away from relationships like these for a while to escape the emotional buildup that comes from sometimes confusing what IS from what you'd like things 'to be'. Like I said in another post, this doesn't necessarily mean forever. Just long enough for a new status quo to set in & for strong emotions to settle. Maybe a year or two, depending.

Its a hard situation whichever path you take. Good luck with it.

[Henry123]

I would love to get an honest female opinion on my complicated situation..

I used to date this girl, but we decided we were better off as friends. We have been friends for 3 years now and have been trying to make this friendship work, but lately my feelings for her have come back. This makes it awkward so I tried to distance myself..

What do you think I should do? I think she knows how I feel about her but should I tell her again and lay it all out there? I'm really starting to think that the best thing for us is to let it go in order to move on, but I don't want to lose my best friend. But if I stay, I would be lying to myself and hurt on inside for the sake of our friendship..

If you tell her how you feel you do risk your friendship relationship with her.
Only you can judge whether if its worth it or not.

[Michael6084]

but if your best friend is mature about it, she can overlook it. i remember telling a girl that i was somewhat interested in her and sure enough, she liked me 6 months before i even said anything like it. had i known for sure, i wouldve gone out with her most definitely.

so go for it! it sucks to be too late. and if she stops talking to you, that's HER problem, not yours. you did what a true guy should do and think that to yourself no matter if you do get rejected or ignored.

[Henry123]

[QUOTE=Michael6084;295930]but if your best friend is mature about it, she can overlook it. QUOTE]
(I dont know about the "mature" bit. People tend to act immature more often than not.)
It will create an awkward situation regardless. Especially if she doesnt reciprocate that affection.
I sincerely feel he needs to seriously think good and hard about this. There are consequences.

[Michael6084]

[quote=Henry123;296070]

but if your best friend is mature about it, she can overlook it. QUOTE]
(I dont know about the "mature" bit. People tend to act immature more often than not.)
It will create an awkward situation regardless. Especially if she doesnt reciprocate that affection.
I sincerely feel he needs to seriously think good and hard about this. There are consequences.

ah, but thinking good and hard about something tends to have people look too deeply into something. and if you act casual about it, you wont come up to someone looking like they're insecure or nervous.

of course it may be awkward, but she should be able to look to it as if it was nothing with a lil bit of time. thinking good and hard about it beforehand then getting rejected will more often than not cause him to think good and hard about it afterward. if she does think it's okay and she can move on, he could potentially come off as insecure by worrying about it too much being it an awkward situation, making the actual feeling there stay much longer.

[Henry123]

We are talking about Consequences here.
(He risks losing a friend. Or gaining a girlfriend. The risk of destroying a good freindship is the main concern.)

After studying human behavior in college for two years and recounting experiences from quite a number of friends who were in similar situations. I know people have quite or left jobs because of the awkward situation it created after a rejection. People just dont forget being asked out by a friend that easily.
("Theres an elephant in the room. Oh lets pretend its not there" Doesnt always cut it unfortunatly.)



*My humbel advice to Dreaming is to playfully throw out abit of bait and see if she bite. Ask her for something innocent like coffee or lunch. Try to see wheres she's at. Dont make your intentions too overt at the beginning. If for some reason she rejects your advances jsut back off and pretend nothing happen. Talk about something else.

[Lover900]

If things didn't work in the beginning, it may not work a second time, but because you two are friends still, that is a good sign. Why not be honest with her? She may want to get back together with you