I am having a very weird and ugly problem and I need some advice. I am 30 and she is 32.
Bottom Line....I was tricked by the woman I love about her ability to have children. And worse...she has 3 daughters.
I have been with her for about 1 year. She is the daughter of a very influential person in this area and I do business with him. Her mom introduced us during a business meeting actually. She is a divorcee and has 3 kids to two different guys. I became friends with her and the children and after about 8 months of dating we decided we wanted to get married. We decided to wait for another 6 months or so (for political reasons) but as far as were concerned, when we moved in together we were married. We even had a little ceremony with the kids at home by ourselves as a gesture. It was beautiful. I am new to children but I have done such a good job with them. The house is functional and happy. The relationship is functional and happy. For the first time in my life, I am functional and happy.
Two days ago I inadvertently found out FROM HER FATHER that she lied to me and could not have any more children. (He simply asked me my thoughts on that issue in a casual conversation and I was floored). Having kids and making our own family was one of the cornerstones of our new life together and she lied to me about having her tubes tied because she thought I might not be with her. As I became closer to her daughters the more I realized I wanted to have a child of my own. I was god a being a dad and never knew.
I love her, and I love the kids. But I feel betrayed, manipulated and lied too. I feel now I have to choose between not ripping apart this family because I want to have kids, (the mere suggestion that things are wrong have brought an onslaught of abandonment issues with the kids already), or Trying Forgiving her for carrying on this lie.
Among other aspects of this cover up, she told me she was getting depovera shots for birth control and even after I found out about the ability to have kids lie, she lied again about getting the shots and she was trying to cover that up.
It’s hard to see her hurt, and it’s hard to see the kids potentially hurt, but I don’t know how I can get over this issue productively and without scar. If I do forgive her I am worried that my resentment will grow and the long term issues will be overwhelming.
These are the only two lies I know of, but now I am questioning the whole relationship along with a tug of war going on between my feelings of betrayal and my feelings of love.
I won’t even go in to the business implications of not staying with her because of her dad.
I appreciate you reading this and I look forward to your advice.
NOW WHAT TO I DO!?!?!?!?!?!!?