Just a Mental Shutdown

[smiles24]

So hi everybody! I'm new this forum, but I've just felt like I've hit a wall and don't really have anyone to talk to. I'm 22 years old and I was 19 meet my boyfriend. We had a rocky relationship, but what can I say? I was in love with him. He made me feel special and I trusted him completely. But his mother was a nightmare. She had me tears several times and towards the end of our relationship, he just stopped trying to help smooth things over and told me just "deal with it". She was very antagonizing and plan out bat sh** crazy. (his words not mine). Back in June, I was in an accident that almost killed me. She wouldn't let medical help, fire department, or sheriff department in the check on me. She kept sending them away. She waited 3 hours to come get me then I still waited another 2 hours before the fire department flat out told her that they needed to come get me and she need to quit playing games. Then she showed up at the hospital demanding money for my horses two days after my accident (I paid for everything for them and had offered to pay rent for them MANY times). She was down right nasty to my mother and threw hugs fits every time my BF wanted to see me-even after I recovered. Until she got caught taking money from my mom and she snapped and suddenly my BF flipped out on me and I was the controlling and crazy one. Needless to say we broke up and I found out he abused my horse several times. I'm happy to be free of both them, but I found I've just shut down when it comes to relationship. Sex is 100% not happening-I still have scars and nightmares from my accident and I can't stand someone touching me. I have a great time out with friends and enjoying flirting with guys at the bar, but I can't seem to get past it. I did met one guy who I felt that click with, but he is an relationship. I just feel like I've shut down when it comes to dating. I can't stand to be touched and the thought of being in a relationship makes me want to vomit. This shut down- I hate it. I want to feel like ME again. Happy to take a chance and go on that date, see where its going-but I just don't trust anymore. I miss the old me

[basilandthyme]

I can't make head or tail of this. Your story has more holes than my nana's crochet rug.

If you were in an accident and nearly killed, you would have needed assistance to call for help. No assistant would be ok with you at deaths door and waiting for non- medical personnel to come and get you. Even if there was no assistant, logic tells us that if you were that desperately ill, you would have called 911 instead of his mother. The ambulance would have taken you straight to hospital and nobody could stop you from seeing a doctor. And how does one prevent emergency personnel from helping you short of holding you hostage with a gun.

And if you really were dying and she blocked help, what charges were laid against her?

I don't want to be rude, but unless there's a whole lot you haven't told us, it's all sounding a bit far fetched.

[smiles24]

I was riding in the woods with a friend who had never been in the area when her horse spooked and caused an accident. My horse fell on me and broke my C2. I couldn't walk. My friend had to walk out and the only person she could find was my exs mom. My friend didn't know the area otherwise she would have called for help, but my exs mom was the only person she could find who did. My friend begged her to get moving and call for help, but she didn't think it was serious
She was asked many times to call for help but just flat out refused. Finally someone called my mom who called the sheriff. The sheriff came out and was sent away by my exs mom because she was the one on location with me and she said she didn't help. Shierff called the fire dept who MADE her give up my location. It had been five hours at that point
Doc told me later that I was lucky to be alive after that long in the woods with a broken neck-luckier to learn to walk again

[ashley89]

why didn't you or your friend call your own mother?

[ashley89]

it sounds like you might need to go to a therapist to sort out all of these issues, seems like you went through a lot with him and this accident and when you say things like you don't want to be touched it makes me think there are deeper rooted issues going on... I would talk to a professional who can help you get through this

[Rowen]

Okay, I'm going to put this delicately... You're extremely lucky to be without both of them. They both sound crazy, and if I were you, I would've been running for the hills.

As for what you're experiencing, have you seen a therapist or a psychologist? Honestly, what you're describing as far as the nightmares may very well be PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), which happens commonly to victims of intense situations/near death situations like yours. If I were you, I'd make time to consult with a professional.

As for how you feel turned off from relationships, I had a similar experience. This December will mark three years that I've been single. I will tell you that it does get better, though. At first you scold yourself for flirting with others and don't really want to go through with anything with the other guys. But then you go on a few dates and just dive in, and eventually it feels normal again. That's really the best way I can describe it because that's how it was for me. I talked to numerous other guys as friends and felt horrible for doing that as well as flirting and going on dates. Yet, eventually, it just felt natural, and I was able to let new people I cared about into my life. Now I'm sold on someone even though I screw up a lot with him.
I hope this helps even just a little. :S

[smiles24]

Oh I know how lucky I am to have them out of my life. And I'm glad if it. But that's where I'm stumped- I'm so happy to be away from then shouldn't I be able to move on without a second thought? I've always been known for having a smile and being the one who never lets anything get her down so why am I stuck in this rut now? And I've never been one to say no to hug, tense up when someone puts his arm around my shoulders, or jump out of my skin when someone touches me. But I just find I miss my ex alot even tho I KNOW I'm so much better off now. He was the only one I could stand to touch me after the accident and as much as I hate it I just find myself comparing every guy to him. And everyone falls short

[pcmaster]

Actually I had accident too straight after I lost my dream girl. And its not about losing BF its about losing yourself. Its like hes took part of your heart body and mind with him. The scars fade but the stupid feeling stays. Just look at what you still have and better yourself in the ways you can. Once you will like yourself as much as you did than you will be able to take love again. The problem is you miss life what accident sucked out of you. Cant turn back time but you can be much smarter now.