One extreme to the other

[23mako]

I have been dating a lot lately, but I have not been in a relationship in quite a while. I meet girls all the time that are very into me, but they just aren't my type for one reason or another. I just recently met a girl that I find amazing. She blows me away with her looks and her personality. I met her hanging out with a few friends one night. We started talking and we have a ton in common. We have many of the same friends and we go to the same University. Just the two of us talked and hung out the entire night. I got her number from her and I called her a few days later. She came with me to a place I like to hang out and we hit it off even better that night. We ended up kissing the entire night and we left to her house. We slept in her bed and I had an incredible time just being around her. The next weekend we were hanging out together and she said she was very excited about my birthday and she couldn't wait for me to see her in the dress she bought for my birthday. It seemed like everything was going extremely well. We spent my birthday together and we went to a movie together the next weekend. The following weekend I brought her to get Sushi at one of her favorite restaurants and we went out with some friends after dinner. I had a great time, but we didn't have as much fun as we had been having the times before. I talked to one of her friends a couple of days later and I told her friend that the last date I was getting mixed signals from her. She told me she sent her a text that she couldn't sleep. She said, "she is stressed out because she thinks that you like her and she doesn't like anybody right now." She said, "she loves hanging out with me, but she just doesn't have those feelings." I just can't figure out what happened. We kissed from the second date and we hit it off extremely well on the first few dates. There is no way she didn't know from the beginning that I was completely into her and she obviously had to be into me a at least a little bit. I am not sure what to do next. She still sends me text messages and asked me if I would go to a football game with her. I have no clue what I should do. She is an incredible woman and I have a hard time hanging out with her if I know that I can never have her. Do I still have any shot with her? Should I keep trying to be her friend and hope that her feelings for me will reignite? Any advice is appreciated.

[ecojeanne]

how do you know her friend is telling the truth?.....how do you know she's not jealous?.....AND how do you know she not spinning yarns ( telling stories and whispering in the girl you likes ear) to break you up before you've even started......my advise....ignore the friend and go on dates with her if you fancy her and go with the flow

[23mako]

Her friend has also been a friend of mine for a long time. She is the person that introduced us to begin with. I am sure that she is telling the truth. The last date we went on just wasn't great. It started out great. We had an awesome time, but when we went out with all of her friends, it wasn't as much fun. She was hanging out with everybody and I didn't want to follow her around every second of the night trying to hang out with her. I had fun just hanging out with the only people I knew and talking to her occassionally. When I walked her to her door and kissed her good night, it was a short kiss and it just wasn't the same as all the nights before. I felt like her boyfriend after the second date, but now I feel like I am only a friend. If she is telling her friend that she doesn't have, "those feelings" for anybody right now do I still have any shot at her finding "those feelings" again?

[Zilla80]

What she tells to her friends and what she actually feels may be conflicting. I would say if things are going good and you want them to keep going good, wait until you hear it from her that she's not into you like that. Be more aggressive, be more flirty, and if you are really into her ask her where she is and where you two stand in her opinion.

Some people are weird about showing emotion to their friends. If I really like a girl I never let any of my friends know how much I like her. I always play it down. Then again I'm a guy and I know girls are a little more willing to share their feelings to their girlfriends. Point is, don't stop pursuing someone who continues to kiss & hang out w/ you because her friend says she's not into you. Find out from her.

[ecojeanne]

thing is i never trust anything anyone ever tells me about a person or what they 'supposedly' did or didn't do. i work it out for myself....i find it's the best way....even if you find your friend was telling the truth....i wouldn't rely on it.

Now your a guy....you know what you want...you want her.

she's a girl....these are some examples of questions that she might be thinking her head...it really depends what type of person she is....you can't know what type she is yet:

he's nice but do i want a bf now?

do i want to have a casual fling?

do i want him as a friend more?

is he good enough for me?

is he 'marraige material'? (for some reason a lot of girls think this!??)

anyway the point is women think more

you need to make your feelings known and flirt like mad and go with the flow when it comes to the physical....she's probably just doing a lot of unecessary thinking

[kene]

She said, "she loves hanging out with me, but she just doesn't have those feelings." I just can't figure out what happened.


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Sorry dude, but I dont think it's going to work out. I might be pessimistic because I went through almost the exact same thing a little bit ago. Hit it off super well.... super super well. She aggressively jumped my bones after two dates. Around the one month mark I basically heard the exact same thing.... uncannily similar. The last time I kissed her it was a short, very weak kiss, because earlier in our date I was just getting such bad vibes like she didn't want to be touched, didn't want to be there. Only had superfun dates every other time. Things went right down the drain at the one month mark (the day after she went to a wedding).

I got a let's be friends and try to grow our emtions from there, and got some sad story about "maybe I'm jaded because the guy I was gonna marry left me when he got a job offer overseas" and "I'll be better with time". I said to myself maybe this is temporary.... wedding unleashing some bad memories. Then she started treating me bad.


Seriouusly the relationship was like this :

First date: awesome, awesome, awesome
Second date: awesome, awesome, awesome (plenty of make out sessions)
Visited her place: she jumps my bones
Next series of dates, great
I remember a Friday we went on a date, great.
Saturday she went to the wedding.
Sunday: was shit.
Monday: at work, emailing each other could tell something was off
Tuesday: says she's not feeling what she should be feeling to be in a full-on relationship

Week after: she initiates contact, but it's not the same
Week after: never initiates contact, becomes flakey, turned ugly


Less than a week before saying she's not feeling what she should be feeling she was buying me toothbrush to use for mornings at her place, texting me that she misses me waking up beside her.

[ecojeanne]

She said, "she loves hanging out with me, but she just doesn't have those feelings." I just can't figure out what happened.


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Sorry dude, but I dont think it's going to work out. I might be pessimistic .

this is what her friend told him that she said......it may not be true


anyway kene....please don't take offense but i think it sounds like she got bored and just used the 'friends' excuse to you....a lot of girls do that

[kene]

this is what her friend told him that she said......it may not be true


anyway kene....please don't take offense but i think it sounds like she got bored and just used the 'friends' excuse to you....a lot of girls do that

None taken.

And you may very well be right. And that was indeed my first reaction to the event, because that is the loose rule about the friends excuse. Even when discussing it with my (gal) friends, they were like "protect your heart" some, because you know when a girl says let's build a friendship... well you know.

The only thing that made me believe that it was more complex was because she actually did break down and start crying when talking about the guy that moved away and she sounded very genuinely happy that I was willing to maintain contact with her. If that was all fake, she does deserve an academy award. Oh, and women can get very emotional and weird at weddings too.

[23mako]

here are a few more details about the whole thing.

I met this girl about a year before we started dating. I was hanging out at a bar with some friends. She came to the bar with a guy that is a friend of mine. She tried talking to me and mentioned that I should call her next time I go out. I never got her number because I didn't want to be an @ss and piss off my friend that was with her. After she left I found out that they were not dating and I was mad that I didn't get her number. I have never met a girl as incredible as her. She isn't just a hot girl, she is beautiful in anything she wears and has an incredible personality. I didn't see her again for a year after that night. Then, I was invited to go to a dinner with some friends and she was there. We went out after the dinner and that is when we hit it off. I didn't know if she liked me and I really didn't care because I thought she was incredible and I felt blessed to just be around her. I got her number and we started messaging and I asked her if she wanted to do something. Our first date I still didn't know if she liked me, but we started flirting and really hit it off. We were making out every chance we got and we went home to her apartment that night. There is no way she never had "those feelings" feelings for me. It was just after dinner on our last date, the rest of the night just started to decline a little bit. I could tell it wasn't going great and I was reassured that it wasn't with a weak kiss. Then I asked our friend if she said anything to her about me. That is when our friend responded to me that she told her she couldn't sleep that night because she was so stressed out because she thinks I like her and she doesn't like anybody right now. It makes me feel a lot better that she doesn't like anybody right now, but the fact that she said she just doesn't have those feelings for me is driving me crazy. My problem is what do I do next? Do I keep trying to show her that I want to be with her? Do I try to just be a friend and hope she realizes what she is missing? I feel like most of it is that she just doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. I am living 60 miles apart from her and I can only see her on the weekends. Most weekends she is hanging out with her best friend and I feel like I am steeling her away from her friend every time we go out. I feel like if her best friend was in a relationship, she would want to be in a relationship with me.