I need advice. Hope you like long stories.

[Kais]

Before I get this off my chest and hope for advice, lemme say that I need some impartial insight into this situation, as I havn't been able to talk to many people about it. Sorry in advance for the length of this.

So the deal is:
A few monthes ago, my good friends Alexa got herself a great boyfriend, who happens to be a guy that I passively crushed on (but was to shy to act on) a few mothes before that. To the observer, their relationship was great. She was blissful, and they had fun together. I tagged along and hung out and we had a great time with his buds, and Ian (the boyfriend) and I got along great.

Three monthes into their relation ship, I've talked with Ian on IM a couple of times, but then comes one day when he told me that he was gonna break up with Alexa. He needed some insight from somebody who was close to her, and explained his reasons. Apparantly, from the beginning he had been having his doubts, and things were getting to bad for him to live with.

Three days later, the hammerstoke falls, and Alexa spends the night at my house crying and cursing. I can't hate Ian, though, no matter how much Alexa wants me to.

So that blows over for awhile. Alexa begins to recover, but starts to hate Ian and begins to put him in the same group as her first boyfriend Chris, who abused and manipulated her cruelly. It's not at all a fair comparison, as Ian is nothing like Chris and did nothing like Chris did, and even Alexa knows that.

Ian stops chatting me up on IM for awhile, and admittedly, I'm pretty sad about that. He's great to have a conversation with and I enjoy talking to him, though my previous crush on him, that had been put on the backburner since Ian/Alexa, is surfacing again.

He starts talking with me again about two weeks before I leave for vacation. He asks me how Alexa is doing, but we always end up talking about anything and everything, and he asks about my (then) non-existant love life.

Two days after I get back from vacation, he askes me if I like him, so I tell the truth, which is a resounding yes.

Turns out, he'd had a crush on me since about the same time I'd had a crush on him, and me taggin along with Alexa had only made him realize it more. He's a faithful guy, don't get the wrong idea: if he's with a girl, he's focused. But as it turns out, he just couldn't deal with Alexa. And he didn't break up with her for me. Asking me if I liked him was a complete shot in the dark.

So we've been seeing eachother for three weeks now. It's on the down-low, as Alexa is a delicate person and it's a delicate issue. In the beginning, we made it clear that if Alexa wasn't okay with it, then it's over. But three weeks later, I don't think I could do that. I like him so much. We have chemistry. We talk about anything and everything. We listen. Common interests, sense of humor, the whole shebang.

I knew from the start I was breaking a cardinal rules amoong girlfriends: don't date your friends ex. But we had a plan. We were gonna work it out. She had boyfriend now: a good friend of Ian's whom she seemed more fond of when she was still with Ian. Then Ian told Alexa a few days ago that he liked me, to test the waters and such. She flipped. So now we're laying even lower about it for now, hoping her new BF can cool her down about it.

So I guess what I'm asking, after this novel of explantion and drama, is:

Is what I'm doing wrong?

I wanna be there for her. I wanna help her thru the hard times she's having, but Alexa won't help herself either, or get a reality check (an even longer story). She doesn't know about me and Ian yet, just that Ian likes me. Her self-pity is at an all-time high. I wish she would move on in more than just this issue in her life.

I just need some opinions or advice. Thanks in advance, and sorry for this novel I just had you read.

[Ath]

Ouch.. thats touchy.. and I may not be the best to answer this as I'm new here and a bit on the jaded side. I know if I was in the girl's boat, I'd be devestated. It would feel like I lost a SO and a friend at the same time. Hiding it will only work for so long. Those rules are adhered to for a reason. Not to say they can't be broken, but there will be consequences, such as the loss of friend. In my opinion, your friends should be there long after your relationship works or not.

[vashti]

I guess whether or not you did the "right" thing depends on where your loyalty lies. While I believe that all is fair in love and war, I certainly wouldn't want you as MY friend. Once this girl finds out what you are up to, I am pretty sure that you can kiss your friendship goodbye. I hope he is worth it. Usually, he isn't.

[Kais]

Exact same thoughts that went and keep going through my head. I feel awful about it, still feel awful about it. The loyalty I would usually demonstrate isn't being demonstrated, and I'm a horrible person for it. The guilt is eating me alive.

But...I can't help who I like. And if we both like eachother and want eachother's company, wouldn't we just be lying to ourselves? =/

[Ath]

There is no reward without risk... and no triumph without failure. In a perfect world, we wouldn't have to choose. But as we all know, this world is far from perfect. If you'de like my opinion, I say be there for your friend.

[cheeze_guy]

show alexa that there are other good guys cough** ME!! lol and shell get over it

[meerkat]

I don't think you can keep both in this situation. I think that you have to choose who you would want to be in your life now. This guy or your friend. Hiding your relationship from her will only hurt her more the longer it goes on for. You should be honest with her as soon as possible. She is seeing another guy after all. She will be hurt and she will probably not want to be around you. But if she is truly your friend maybe in time she will see that you two are right together. This happened to a couple of my friends about 6 years ago. She is still with the guy now so It was the right decision for her because the are truly meant to be for each other. The girls hardly see each other now but that is because there lives went in different directions and not because of the man. As they are both so happy in the relationship that they are in now.

You have a tough choice to make at the moment. But you need to do what you think is best. If you really think he is the ONE then do what you must.

[Mrs. Bubbles]

I agree with Meerkat. You have to tell her bout the relationship and your goning to have to choose. Shes not going to like it, I can almost promise you that. But if shes really your friend she will see that you and Ian really have feelings for each other. I wouldnt expect for her to be comfortable with the idea right away, or evn be willing to accept it, but you have to tell her. The longer you hid it, when it comes out the worst the situation is going to be