She doesnt show interest in her health, HELP!

[tomass]

9Hi loveforum members, I'm here cause I need some advice... and I have no one else to who tell my problems.

I'm in a relationship with a woman from France, I'm from Italy so it's a distant relationship. We've been together for 11 months, we lived together in France for 5 months and then I have to move back to Italy to work. She's currently in France studying and we are very in love.

The reason why i look for help, is because she has diabetes. A very important part of the treatment of diabetes is to exercise regularly, having a proper diet, etc. When I first met her in france she was a wreck, she had been 6 months (since she was diagnosed with diabetes) without caring for her health so she didnt have a diet, took medicine nor exercised, she believed all that was cause of depression. I became her friend and to make the story short we became a couple. I love her a lot and I do care about her health above anything. I managed to get her into a proper diet and get many doctor apointments during the first 6 months of our relationship. When we were living together I showed her my support by cooking with her, eating the same she had to eat and exercising... alone, cause she never wanted to join me. By that time she was overweighted and I didnt really care. She's beautiful to me. She was weighting 176 pounds (80kg) and she's kind of small, so she looked very chubby. Like I said, it didnt bother me.

Keeping the weight controlled is very important for a diabetic person, in the first 2 months she lost 7kg (15.4 pounds) and by the 6th month she was already weiging 65kgs!! (143 pounds). She never wanted to do sports even though I insited a lot on motivating her to exercise with me, her excuse was that she could treat her diabetes just with the diet. After I moved to Italy, and after 5 months of her being stuck at 65kgs (her ideal weight for her height is 53kgs), she confessed that all this months she hadnt been eating properly, starving most of the days... it was shocking for me, cause i made her clear that the reason why I wanted her to lose weight was cause of the diabetes, and not related to the looks. I got very upset cause she was losing weight in a very unhealthy way which was NOT what i wanted at all, I then tried to talk to her to get into exercise, but it has been impossible always. She never wants to do it and always finds an excuse to not exercise if for some reason she was gonna do it. In the 11 months we've been together it has been impossible to make her excercise at least once per week, and now knowing that she had kept me hidden the truth about the diet i feel very upset and frustrated... I cant believe she doesnt care a tiny bit in her own health. We have had several fights because of that and I've reached the point where I dont know what to do. I love her so much cause she's a really exceptional person, and I imagine us as a family in the soon future. It bothers me so much her lack of interest in her health, when I have made the impossible to help her. I wish I could just tell her that I gave up on her cause this situation is very stressing for me, but I cant cause I love her, and because leaving her alone will just screw her life. And now since im in Italy it's even harder to do things for her, like cooking or invinting her to dance. The whole situation is driving me crazy. What should I do? I'd gladly apreciate any advice. I'm 25 and she's 23.

Thank you!

[MaidenMinx]

Other than being diagnosed, has her diabetes made her properly sick at all? It sounds to me like she just doesn't get the severity of the situation. Does she know hoe sick she can get? Have you considered helping find her a diabetes support group? Maybe talking to other people going through it would help her take her health seriously.

[tomass]

Yes I've told her about the severity of her sickness, but I've always had to "drag" her even to get to the doctor, it's always like this: she promises she's gonna do "x" thing (like getting an appointment with the doctor), she doesnt do it, I push her, I push her, I push her, I get mad at her, we fight, we fix things and she does it... but then the cycle starts again... I paid her the subscription to the gym and went 2 times with me, but I had to drag her and argue many times before achieving that, in the end she never kept going. And it's like that for everything that is health-related. I cant remember a week where she hasnt been nauseated or with stomach ache or headache etc. She just shows lack of discipline and commitment for her health, and It frustrates me cause when I think that things are changing, when I think that she's gonna make some effort, I just realize that nothing has changed, and that it's impossible to make her think of her health. :/

[MaidenMinx]

Does she suffer depression? Some people genuinely do not care about themselves. Personally, I've never cared much for my own health and the only reason I do these days is my son, and to a lesser extent my husband.

In the long run, it's her choice how she deals with her health. Where you get to choose is whether or not you can sit by and watch her destroy her health. My husband is a heavy(ish) drinker. It causes health problems, financial problems at time and he recently lost his licence. Early on I used to cry and scream at him and beg him to change. I eventually realized I had 2 choices, stay and hope he chooses to get better or leave. I have stayed. After 8 years he is finally willing to look into counceling.

I don't expect that I have given any helpful advice, but I do know how much it can hurt watching someone you love not care for themselves.

[tomass]

Does she suffer depression? Some people genuinely do not care about themselves. Personally, I've never cared much for my own health and the only reason I do these days is my son, and to a lesser extent my husband.

In the long run, it's her choice how she deals with her health. Where you get to choose is whether or not you can sit by and watch her destroy her health. My husband is a heavy(ish) drinker. It causes health problems, financial problems at time and he recently lost his licence. Early on I used to cry and scream at him and beg him to change. I eventually realized I had 2 choices, stay and hope he chooses to get better or leave. I have stayed. After 8 years he is finally willing to look into counceling.

I don't expect that I have given any helpful advice, but I do know how much it can hurt watching someone you love not care for themselves.

And with your experience, do you regret getting in that kind of relationship? What would you recommend?