I may need a ton of reassurance

[julie]

Im having a bit of a heart/head issue, and I need a good kick in the butt, or at least some sound advice..

I've known my boyfriend since 1997. We've been best friends the whole time so communication has never been a problem. We finally got together in 2001.

We are what most people would consider a perfect couple. I think so too. He is everything I need and everything I want and we both truly believe we are soulmates.

Here is the problem. My parents are divorced. My father is a paranoid freak, and my mothers is un-trustful. Its passed on to me. For Three years I had a boyfriend that I didnt trust - so whatever characteristics I inherited from the folks was fueled here.

My ex boyfriend really scarred me when it come to certain things - he needed to grow up, as did I, but the way our relationship was didnt help the demons inside about paranoia and lack of trust. Whats a relationship without trust anyways?

Now the love of my life is perfect. So perfect that it scares the crap out of me that one day, some woman is going to wag her little tush at him, and he may just get horny one day and go for it.

There is NO reason for me to feel this way AT ALL. Its all in my head.

There is also the fear that the new job he started two days ago, he may find something there that he may be tempted with.

I cant take it if any of this were to happen. What makes it ridiculous is that he worships me. Its really a matter of my own battle within. I just need to seek some sound advice out so I dont ruin us from absolutely nothing.

Is anyone old and wise out there that can help me out? Its amazing what the brain can conjure up to a point of seriously worrying someone's thoughts.

[JohnsonROd]

hmmm... I'd just cool yourself off- For one thing every relationship is different- just because your parents had problems doesn't mean that you will- Secondly, he hasn't done anything wrong!!

You two have been together for two years now, and if you still consider it perfect, then you are a very lucky person.

Stop dreaming up "What if" scenarios in your head, you're driving yourself mad!

Right now you have a wonderful boyfriend who hasn't caused you any pain- so just be happy with him!

[julie]

I know this all already though. I already know we are truly a perfect couple. I am a very very lucky person.

I dont blame my parents for how I think per say, but I do know where this is stemming from. My folks plus a couple bad relationships have me paranoid. Brainwashed and overly cautious so it seems.

I know I need to get a grip. But I am QUEEN What If's. I cant stand it. I'm already driving myself mad.

I know EVERYONE has thought of unwelcomed What If's.

In my case, its going out of control.

Make me stop.

[peshkunta]

Stop!

[Illusional]

well ask yourself this.. do you enjoy the happy times together?? if so then nevermind all the what if's because you're only tearing yourself apart on the inside, worrying. life is too short to be spent wondering what if this or what if that happens. if you died tomorrow, then nothing will ever come of worrying about your death. just shut up and life out your life as though you're going to die tomorrow, then you won't worry what if this or that happens. raverboy

[julie]

Then I guess thats my problem. Getting myself brainwashed back to normal.

My relationship is wonderful and yes, our happy times are the whole make up of "us". - But my paranoid mind gets out of control sometimes and gets the best of me.

I know I should shut up and just live my life, but I have a big huge fear of getting hurt.

How do you put these fears to rest when there isnt anything triggering them???

[audrakitten]

I find myself doing this too. You have to remember that you have no control over anyone but yourself. If he is going to cheat then he will, and there is nothing that you can say or do to stop it. So, basically you are trying to prevent yourself from being hurt. This never works. You being insecure will not help anything. There is no 100% guarantee that you won't get hurt. You have to trust him and let it go if you want this to work. Take the relationship for what it is, and stop yourself when you realize that your mind is wondering off into the "What If's"......because all in all you do have the power to control your own thinking.

[julie]

Thanks Audra. This is what I need to hear. easier said than done of course, and I knew this already, but like the title says - I need a good kick in the butt!

Insecurity SUCKS.