When Should A Couple Have Sex First?????????

[bulrush]

Everyone has different preferences, that is why we talk things out. Have sex whenever you want. I don't make assumptions based on when a person has sex, that's messed up high school reasoning.

But remember, sex is one of the top 3 things couples fight about and get divorced over. You really should determine if you are sexually compatible before marriage.

[dickriculous]

I dont like strick rules either. Or like a one size fits all approch. But thats all I could come up with to help these young girls who are wandering aimlessly around, getting their heart broken and not knowing why. Society today has told them that if they dont put out they wont get a man, which isnt true. It might take longer, but she will find someone. That if they dont have sex within the first three dates a good man is going to leave. Which isnt true. That a they have to get to know a guy between rounds of sex. Also not true. She can say, I want to wait 3 months, 2 months, hell even one, that way she knows more about the fellow shes going to allow inside her. Now if a woman wants to be a f@(# buddy, then by all means go ahead. Have as much as you wont. But a woman who wants to wait, shouldnt feel pressure from a man or society to have sex before she is ready.

I find the part in bold to be very strange, I've noticed far more of the exact opposite than anything. Women are pressured like crazy by the judgmental eye of society to NOT have sex and if they have more sex than some arbitrary limit that gets imposed on them by our culture's genophobia they are then dehumanized via slut shaming. God forbid she has more sexual experience than the guy who's evaluating her...if you've listened to guys talk you've heard these raging shit storms I'm referring to. I've heard a LOT of guys say things like "if a woman gives it up to me too soon I lose respect for her." Uhm...what the **** do you mean "give it up?" What is she "giving up"? Perfect example of what I'm talking about, they don't understand that sex is sex, they think sex is a materialistic thing that they purchase with time, white knighting, dates, running game, gifts, etc. And if they don't have to spend as much to get it as they initially thought it's materialistic value was worth then obviously it's materialistic value is not very high and neither is the materialistic value of the woman...I don't even know where to start when going on about how ****ed up that paradigm is. I'd have to write a book to get my point across.

Toward the end of your paragraph you're pretty much just saying in a roundabout way that a couple should have sex when they want sex...which is basically what everyone else ITT has been saying all along. I don't think women should be pressured into sex either but I also don't think that problem is as common as you seem to think it is, a much more prevalent problem is that we are taught in this country to view female sexuality as a commodity to be won, worked for, bought, waited on, competed for, etc. as opposed to something you just do because it's in your nature. A lot of what's ****ed up about the sexual dynamic between men and women in this society can be traced back to that.

[Wakeup]

... O.o ...
I don't see either of what you two are seeing. What I'm seeing is too many young woman and men ****ing who they don't even know or what their ultimate dating goals are, or doing so without having even gone out on a date. "Hanging out" is now the unfortunate norm and then wondering after the sex fact why there hasn't formed any type of meaningful relationship with them. The word "slut" is not just something that a woman is called this day and age either.

Its very easy to say that woman shouldn't worry about being discerning in who they do and just be free without worry when the double standard has yet to be squelched.

The world is changing though. We see more and more threads started by young men that wonder why their fk buddy isn't falling in love with them even when they started out knowing that she was too busy to want him in her life full time. At one time only women started those kinds of threads.

What's it going to be like when no one has any discernment about who the bed (in the 70's its how aids began) and "society" doesn't have a double standard? Who knows but in the meantime, the Wedding Planning and Wedding Business in general is still a multi-million dollar enterprise in North America so there is still some who are smart enough to know what is best for them when figuring out who is on the same page as them and that sex will never garner you a relationship if that's all you have going with one another.

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But remember, sex is one of the top 3 things couples fight about and get divorced over. You really should determine if you are sexually compatible before marriage.

Totally agree with that ^^^

[Lilia]

Hubby and I spent almost all night fvcking on the night of the day we met. I was getting ready to do the 'walk of shame' the next morning...when he woke, kissed me good morning and we started again. That was in 1992 and we're still very happy together.

I think there is no "should" about it. Each person should do whatever works for them.

OMG Why are you so lucky? It sounds like a dream of my life.

[Wakeup]

OMG Why are you so lucky? It sounds like a dream of my life.

Lilia... if what you're doing isn't working for you then why don't you be smart and try something else? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity according to Albert Einstein.

It was a different era (over 20 years ago) when Basil's one night stand turned to more then that. Too many young men are not motivated to do anything but rack up partners that keep doing the same thing over and hoping for different results.

[snckrs]

. I'd have to write a book to get my point across..

Apperently I would have to write one as well. The things Ive seen on here and in my life seem like they could be solved, or most of the issues could be solved with communication and waiting a bit for a couple to have sex. Thats it, all I have to say, and Im done with this matter, cause none of us are getting anywhere.

[michelle23]

The issue I am having with this thread is the implication that the problem is women. In a lot of posts its coming across as "its her fault if it happens too fast and it doesnt work out". Maybe it will take the human race longer than I hoped to catch up with my "equality rule". Im not a fan of ONS and FWB as most of you know. Ive never had any interest in that s**t but I think its wrong for men and women-not just women and I would never date someone with such double standards.

[snckrs]

Okay, whoa whoa whoa. The reason I focused on women, particularly women 18 to 30, because they are normally the ones who get hurt. When it comes to sex and relationships, most men especially ages 18 to 30 are @$$holes. And in todays world, the idea of a gentlemen is forgein to most guys. Chivalry is being treated like the plague. The Greatest Generation would kick our @$$ for what we have become. If any of you disagree with these previous statements then idk where the hell youve been but its not reality, not the real world.

Most young guys now have no principles, no set of rules to live by. No code of honor. And no damn Respect. Most young guys dont know what a hard days work feels like. Dont know what it means to work hard. They dont want to do anything unless it feels good. BULL$Hit! Do working 12 hour days, laying brick feel good, no, it hurts like hell, but you do it. Its just ridiculous flippin ridiculous!

And for the few good guys who are on here who are going to say, hey im not like that, I work hard. Im not talking about you.

[Yanky]

Why can't everybody have sex when it feels right? Or when a couple actually starts craving/thinking about having sex with each other? Could be before they even start dating, the night of their first date, the night of their 15th date... whenever they're ready, ie: want each other that much.

In my opinion, verbally "asking" somebody to wait longer than say 10 dates means that mind games are involved. Just take it as it comes, damnit! Lol.

To add: Chivalry isn't dead. I open doors for women, make certain that they walk through first, pay for meals on dates, etc. However, some women like to share that duty. My cousin and I, before she passed away, used to spend a lot of time together, she was basically my best friend, the woman of my life, and she felt horrible if I tried to pay twice in a row. She'd pay for me as much as I'd pay for her. Times have changed, and chivalry isn't dead. It has just evolved, as have we.

[Lilia]

Lilia... if what you're doing isn't working for you then why don't you be smart and try something else? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity according to Albert Einstein.

It was a different era (over 20 years ago) when Basil's one night stand turned to more then that. Too many young men are not motivated to do anything but rack up partners that keep doing the same thing over and hoping for different results.

Wakeup, why did you assume that I do 1 night stands? You also assumed that I do them over and over again. Which is wrong!
I agree with what you said about different era. but I don't understand why people were different back then.

[basilandthyme]

Lilia, I've got another friend who's first date lasted two weeks. They moved in together after two months, got married and now have two kids. It was only about 6 years ago. I really don't think times have changed that much.

[Lilia]

To add: Chivalry isn't dead. I open doors for women, make certain that they walk through first, pay for meals on dates, etc. However, some women like to share that duty. My cousin and I, before she passed away, used to spend a lot of time together, she was basically my best friend, the woman of my life, and she felt horrible if I tried to pay twice in a row. She'd pay for me as much as I'd pay for her. Times have changed, and chivalry isn't dead. It has just evolved, as have we.

May be it's because she is your relative. She is not on a date with you and when you try to pay for her it makes her feel like she's on a date.

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Lilia, I've got another friend who's first date lasted two weeks. They moved in together after two months, got married and now have two kids. It was only about 6 years ago. I really don't think times have changed that much.

OMG 2 weeks? They have a lot of energy!

[basilandthyme]

May be it's because she is your relative. She is not on a date with you and when you try to pay for her it makes her feel like she's on a date.

I was the same when I *was* on dates. I'm a firm believer that I am an equal to a man and should therefore pay my way. I didn't go 'halves' on a date, but I would certainly pay for the next one. Yanky is talking about a girl like me.

Regarding the other bit about chivalry, I don't like having car doors opened for me. It's a sweet thing if it's a first date... or a new car ....but generally speaking, I'm perfectly capable of opening my own door. If it goes on for too long, I find it kind of patronising.

[michelle23]

Okay, whoa whoa whoa. The reason I focused on women, particularly women 18 to 30, because they are normally the ones who get hurt. When it comes to sex and relationships, most men especially ages 18 to 30 are @$$holes. And in todays world, the idea of a gentlemen is forgein to most guys. Chivalry is being treated like the plague. The Greatest Generation would kick our @$$ for what we have become. If any of you disagree with these previous statements then idk where the hell youve been but its not reality, not the real world.

Most young guys now have no principles, no set of rules to live by. No code of honor. And no damn Respect. Most young guys dont know what a hard days work feels like. Dont know what it means to work hard. They dont want to do anything unless it feels good. BULL$Hit! Do working 12 hour days, laying brick feel good, no, it hurts like hell, but you do it. Its just ridiculous flippin ridiculous!

And for the few good guys who are on here who are going to say, hey im not like that, I work hard. Im not talking about you.

I still think your talking about a minority. Not all men are like this. My bf is 25 hes never had a ONS or FWB. He works 6days a week.. my cousin just got engaged-he works hard and hes 23-they have a 3 year old daughter together and hes a v happy family man. Another cousin has been with his gf four years (hes 24) I could give you 20 more examples just in my family alone but my point is there are plenty of good men still around. And plenty of good women too.

Theres always going to be dysfunctional people in the world like the people you mentioned. Id say its 50/50 but that doesnt mean there are more bad than good

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Okay, whoa whoa whoa. The reason I focused on women, particularly women 18 to 30, because they are normally the ones who get hurt. When it comes to sex and relationships, most men especially ages 18 to 30 are @$$holes. And in todays world, the idea of a gentlemen is forgein to most guys. Chivalry is being treated like the plague. The Greatest Generation would kick our @$$ for what we have become. If any of you disagree with these previous statements then idk where the hell youve been but its not reality, not the real world.

Most young guys now have no principles, no set of rules to live by. No code of honor. And no damn Respect. Most young guys dont know what a hard days work feels like. Dont know what it means to work hard. They dont want to do anything unless it feels good. BULL$Hit! Do working 12 hour days, laying brick feel good, no, it hurts like hell, but you do it. Its just ridiculous flippin ridiculous!

And for the few good guys who are on here who are going to say, hey im not like that, I work hard. Im not talking about you.

I still think your talking about a minority. Not all men are like this. My bf is 25 hes never had a ONS or FWB. He works 6days a week.. my cousin just got engaged-he works hard and hes 23-they have a 3 year old daughter together and hes a v happy family man. Another cousin has been with his gf four years (hes 24) I could give you 20 more examples just in my family alone but my point is there are plenty of good men still around. And plenty of good women too.

Theres always going to be dysfunctional people in the world like the people you mentioned. Id say its 50/50 but that doesnt mean there are more bad than good and there was always assholes in the world-they were just more discreet about it 200 years ago

[dickriculous]

Okay, whoa whoa whoa. The reason I focused on women, particularly women 18 to 30, because they are normally the ones who get hurt. When it comes to sex and relationships, most men especially ages 18 to 30 are @$$holes. And in todays world, the idea of a gentlemen is forgein to most guys. Chivalry is being treated like the plague. The Greatest Generation would kick our @$$ for what we have become. If any of you disagree with these previous statements then idk where the hell youve been but its not reality, not the real world.

Most young guys now have no principles, no set of rules to live by. No code of honor. And no damn Respect. Most young guys dont know what a hard days work feels like. Dont know what it means to work hard. They dont want to do anything unless it feels good. BULL$Hit! Do working 12 hour days, laying brick feel good, no, it hurts like hell, but you do it. Its just ridiculous flippin ridiculous!

And for the few good guys who are on here who are going to say, hey im not like that, I work hard. Im not talking about you.