Control issues

[brizzle]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 2 and a half years now and we are fighting a lot over control issues. She feels that I am too controlling and am getting jealous over nothing or insignificant things. I would like to get an outside perspective from both males and females to see whether I need to lighten up or if she is being unfair to our relationship. A lot of the things she does I feel that no one should do if they are in a relationship while she feels that I am just being controlling. I'll give a list and just give me your opinion on each one is it me being controlling or her stepping out of bounds.

1. Texting an ex-boyfriend daily. (she says that they are just friends but I feel that daily is a little over bounds)

2. Texting "guy friends" daily with no mention to me and hiding them from me because she thinks I'll get mad.

3. She drove an hour to go to a movie with one of her guy friends while I was at work and never mentioned it to me beforehand or after.

4. She has a guy friend stopping into town who was driving back home from college. The two of them are going to dinner together and then he is spending the night on her couch. She didn't tell me until a couple of days before this was going to happen and when I object she says she is going and that she doesn't want me to come she just wants time alone to visit with him.

5. While at a party spend the entire night with a guy alone in his room playing guitar hero.

6. Letting a guy friend hold her hand as they go to dinner together with a group of their friends.


So males and females, am I being too controlling and need to lighten up or are these things that are unfair to me and our relationship as I see them? Do I have a reason to be jealous of these or not? Just number your responses to the examples I have posted and let me know. Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this and provide me some insight!

[Charlie Boy II]

no, you're not being too controlling. That sort of stuff would drive any guy insane - possessive or otherwise.

[Houdini]

I agree with Charlie Boy II.

You have the right to be jealous. If it's just a one-time thing I guess you can sleep it off but that's too much, especially in a relationship.

Honesty is the best policy, trust came through that.

[Mish]

4. She has a guy friend stopping into town who was driving back home from college. The two of them are going to dinner together and then he is spending the night on her couch. She didn't tell me until a couple of days before this was going to happen and when I object she says she is going and that she doesn't want me to come she just wants time alone to visit with him.

Did she say why she wants to be alone with him?

[Yggdrasil]

I think you have serious problems:

I dunno how to say this, but texting her ex, texting other guys and hiding it, spending an entire night with another guy in his room playing "guitar hero" (probably with his "guitar"), how many more red flags do you need before you understand something is terribly wrong there.

And it appears to me when you try to set boundaries, that she calls you controlling. Makes me wonder who the really controlling person is.

My advice: do yourself a favour and set a real boundary: IF YOU do not stop this behaviour I WILL leave this relation (and then follow though with it if she does not stop).

Ask yourself the question: when is enough enough.

[jjj]

id just say run from there...and do it fast