Loss of libido - birth control pill issues

[roadracer]

Hello,
This issue is with my girlfriend of 10 months now she is twenty years old. She has been on birth control for about 4 years, and has had nothing but issues. She has tried multiple kinds of the pill her issue is that she gets really bad migraines when using them.

About three months ago her doctor changed her pills again at her request, not because of headaches but rather her cycle did not come (for approx 2 and a half months). This time the pill she is taking doesn't give her headaches, her cycle is normal, but she has almost a complete loss of libido.

For the first six months or so that we were dating she was very sexual we would have sex basically every time we were together (approx 5-6 days a week). It didn't matter the time, location you name it she had a very healthy sex drive.

Now with the pill she is taking sex happens maybe 3-4 times between her cycles. She has no drive whatsoever. I feel terrible and am starting to find myself getting really depressed. I still have the same drive but she is not able to forfill it. I have tried talking to her about it many times, asked her to talk to her doctor and even tried to get her in the mood she just gets mad and frusturated it feels like nothing works.

Her doctor basically told her that she is out of options as far as the pill goes. I suggested other options, we ususally use condoms anyways but have had a couple break so we aren't completely sold on them. I mentioned the IUD but she has heard that it can decrease your chances of having a baby in the future. Diaphragms she refuses to use, the injection pill is also out of the question (she hates shots). So I am unsure of what to do, I feel terrible because she isn't able to deliever what I want, and she feels terrible and its hard on her too.

I have suggested maybe she could do other things for me if shes not in the mood. But I was told not in the mood means she isn't wanting to do anything for me either, whether it be oral or just playing around.

What scares me is I have read that the loss of libido from taking pills can be permanent. So I am stuck in quite the mess, she is the right girl for me, but I am getting the crap end of the stick and I just want some advice or suggestions because it doesn't seem fair.

Thanks

[Junket]

I've never had a single condom break on me.

What are you doing to cause them to break?

Also, what's the point in birth control if you're not having sex?

I mean, you cannot deny it's doing a wonderful job at preventing pregnancy since she's practically abstaining from sex all together.

[roadracer]

I agree and have made jokes about it many times, it's basically the most effective birth control ever made...

The condom breaking situation is usually because of really rough sex and my guess also a conbination of the birth control and lack of natural female lubrication. But the idea is now in her head that it can happen easily.

It's just a rediculous situation because I feel like the bad guy since I always have the drive, but she is never in the mood. It bad since its starting to make me lose how attracted I am to her since she doesn't have the drive towards me. Therefore making me feel really down and upset more often then I should be.

[ecojeanne]

check with the doc first but DAMIANA is a herb which increases libido. i personally tried another called 'catuba bark' to see if it would send me in to overdrive and all it did was make me incredibly happy and content and gave me the munchies later that evening. it was a great feelin' tho. i guess all people are different. i was supposed to get horny. anyway worth a try but like i said check with the doc first.

[roadracer]

I have suggested this as well, I even showed her natural ways she could get it back. It's strange like I said I feel like the bad guy making these suggestions. It's just upsetting to see her settling for a solution that changes who she is and what she likes.

I will suggest it again though and see what happens, it's bad because the doctor has seemed to settle for a solution. As long as her cycles right and the birthcontrol works, she thinks she has accomplished her job...

[CAM]

To add further support for replies...I've never had a condom break either. Use lube. Don't go at it so hard, regardless of what she says. I use the spermicidal condoms with lube--can't be too careful Regardless, the spermicide can irritate sometimes,but it is a good form of pain, knowing that I reduced probability of pregnancy by 66 percent compared to a regular condom with spermicide.

All in all, maybe the two of you are forcing the sex part of the relationship. It may be stressing her out. Also maybe its a sign that if she's the right one for you, then the two of you ought to slow down the sex, heat up the romance and such.

Or, if she's such the right girl for you. Maybe the two of you ought to think serious and over the months or a year or so...think about marriage and a family. See about thinking about the long term with her in it.

[boobaa]

Condom break? One of my friends even managed to crawl head first (with the allowance of breathing) half way inside the condom, and it didn't break.

[roadracer]

I don't personally think that it would be right to take a break, we need each other and have become best friends and know we are right for each other. As far as her feeling stressed about it, yes she is, only because she knows it's not right and she thinks I am going to leave her for another girl since she doesn't have the drive. I'm not going to leave her for such a silly reason I just would like a better solution, our relationship isn't all about sex.

As far as starting a family goes, we have talked about it and want to do it, but the time has to be right. She is going to college next month, and we want a safety cushion of money before we have a child. Basically wanting to use the pill as it's used for planned pregnancy.

I read in another thread similar to this that sentia is a pretty good route to take. It's made to work with birth control, doesn't effect hormones, no recorded side effects, sounds pretty good. I'll suggest she asks her doctor.

[roadracer]

And I don't know what it is than, have used lube, but honestly probally have had 4-5 condoms break. Never left in the sunlight or anything, maybe lack of female lubrication? The lube would be initially put on the condom before intercourse but sometimes on the second round, for a longer period of time they would break.

[Junket]

Anything that sounds too good to be true, probably is.

Tell her to stop pumping herself full of chemicals.

And leaving because of unfulfilled desires is just as good a reason as any other.

[roadracer]

If the unfilled desires are because of the chemicals though, I really don't think its right to leave the one who I want. I know I would regret it for the rest of my life, it's not worth it.

Especially when I know what she is "actually" like before the chemicals that changed this drastically for her.

[Junket]

Who cares what she was like before if she doesn't care to accommodate the relationship?

[roadracer]

Who cares what she was like before if she doesn't care to accommodate the relationship?

This is true and I am working on it. Your right there comes a time when I really need to think about what I would like, and asking to change a birth control method really isn't alot...

[Junket]

Sounds to me like you need to have a sit down and have a heart to heart.

Just remember to express to her how you feel about that status of things, refrain from using any accusatory words or tones, and let her know that you want to keep things going. Also make it clear that you're open to input from her on what you can do from your end.

And say stuff like, "I love you", and all that kind of sappy stuff.

[roadracer]

Just for an update. I discussed the situation with her, and she has gone to the doctor again for another concern. The doctor is thinking she has MS she has some of the tell tale signs so I am going to take her for some MRI testing.