I'm confused

[Matt95]

Hey guys, my name is Matt and I have a problem. First thing you need to know about me is that I'm not such a confident guy. I'm 17 years old and I've never had a girlfriend. However, the last two years I have been trying to be more confident and I'm finally starting to be myself around other people, which I like. A few months ago I met a really nice girl who's about my age (I'm 17). We got to know each other pretty well and I started to really like her, and I also felt like she liked me. I mean, I have some other female friends, but the way we talked was way different. Then we went on a schooltrip to Paris. It was really nice and I spent most of the time together with this girl. We had a really nice time, although nothing really happened, mainly because we didn't really get a chance to be alone together, except for one thing. On our way back home on the bus, we were sitting next to each other. We traveled during the night so it was really dark in the bus. At a certain moment she mumbled something like: I'm sorry but I'm really tired, and then she fell asleep on my shoulder. When we arrived back home, we didn't really talk about it, but it seemed like it was going pretty well between us, as for as developing a relationship and stuff, so I was pretty happy about that. In the meanwhile we had been texting a lot, also after Paris. Then one evening, while we were chatting on facebook, she suddenly asks me if I had a crush on someone. I was quite surprised and didn't really know what to answer, and I got pretty nervous as well. So eventually I came clean and I kind of told her that I really liked her. Then texts me back that she had seen this coming, but that she sees me more as a really good friend. When I asked her why she didn't want to be my girlfriend, she said that, when we were in Paris she also thought that we would be a great couple, but when she got home, she had changed her mind. I really didn't understand it, and in all my emotions I just said yes, when she asked me if I still wanted to just be friends with her. Now I'm not asking you for any advice on getting out of the friendzone, that's not what I'm trying to accomplish. I just really want to understand how this could have happened. I thought she was giving me the signs that she liked me as well, especially because she fell asleep on my shoulder, but there were other signs as well. All my friends were also really surprised when they heard what had happened, because they had been telling me that they thought that this girl indeed liked me. I hope you can help me understand this.

[Anonymously_]

I know I'm not a girl but I'm speaking because I had a similar experience, some girls just seem to want to control everything as opposed to just going with the flow, and even though she probably does really like you, has seen something so pathetically minor that makes her think you might hurt her or you wouldn't work together or some other pathetically minor incompatibility. If you don't think you can be happy just being friends with her, then you need to get out now because she will **** your head up.

[IslandScorp]

I think her reply says it all. In Paris, you were away from the usual crowd and regular home/school environment, together a lot, sharing similar things. It's easy to feel closer to someone familiar when you're in an unfamiliar environment. Now she's home and back with her regular friends and might have met someone else. She's 17. At 17 both guys and girls tend to be fickle because no one is sure what they want or who they want. I personally don't believe in being "just friends" when one of the parties wants more than just friendship. I think that even if she doesn't do it deliberately she might take advantage of the fact that she knows how you feel about her. You'll be the shoulder to cry on, the person she'll ask for favors, etc. I think that you should just cut back with your interaction with her and move on so you don't end up feeling used. And don't worry about your confidence with women. That will come in time, as will the right girl for you.