Making out feels weird with new GF.

[Jonikiro]

I started dating this girl I had been in the friend zone with for several months. We were more acquaintances than anything before this Summer, but we started talking a lot more over the past few weeks. The relationship started a week ago.

Even though we both love being around each other and hugging and kissing, both of us feel very few feelings of lust towards each other. The desire to ravage simply isn't there. We figured it would come naturally if we started making out more, but neither of us feel comfortable with more of the hot n' heavy stuff.

Granted, I think she's gorgeous, and she finds me sexually attractive as well. My erection is there, but it almost feels...wrong to go any further than where we are now.

The obvious answer to us seems to be that we were just meant to be friends and nothing more, but that deep feeling of intimacy is definitely there. I'd like to get your opinions on this, honestly, since this is the first time this has happened to either of us (I've not had any problems having sex with other girls, and vice versa for her).

[Doc Durian]

You two leaped into the deeper end when you became good friends and are trying to doggy paddle together in the shallow end now as newer lovers while possibly scraping your feet. You both love to tread water in the middle of the pool together.

You both need to swim some laps from end to end before you appreciate being able to stand up in the shallows or tread in the deep end, as the urges strike.

Hope that made some degree of sense.

[Jonikiro]

Wow, it took me a few times reading that, but it definitely makes sense. Thanks for that. Would anyone else like to input?

[Chaz3]

Well man... I'll tell ya here's what I'd do... I'd decide weather or not I really want to have the relationship. Then if I did, I'd get my self in a little bit of a crazy mind set, just be cool, and ravage it. Maybe she is just waiting on you to tell her to do it dirty lol... If not, might be a little awkward for a few minutes... but heck then you'll know if ya need to get off the bus or not.

[Jonikiro]

She's one of the first girls I've dated that I've actually respected, to be painfully honest. I care about her much more than as just a friend. Trust me, if I could get in the mindset to ravage her, I would've done so by now. She's tried to help out by being very assertive, but even she admits that she feels like she's forcing it. We'd like to explore all our options before thinking about ending the relationship.

[Doc Durian]

Go out socially amongst friends in alcohol fueled environments such as pubs, concerts, etc. Do yourselves up and mingle with others. See how you feel when some guy is trying to bed down your girl and vice versa.

[Jonikiro]

She and I are social butterflies (her much more than I, though). Whenever I see her talking with other guys, sure, I feel a tinge of jealousy, but I just realize that it's caused by my own insecurities and put it aside. I think I'd feel guiltier if I started getting protective rather than letting her do her thing. Is that wrong?

[Doc Durian]

She and I are social butterflies (her much more than I, though). Whenever I see her talking with other guys, sure, I feel a tinge of jealousy, but I just realize that it's caused by my own insecurities and put it aside. I think I'd feel guiltier if I started getting protective rather than letting her do her thing. Is that wrong?

Next time it happens, put those thoughts aside and imagine the prospect of her getting involved with him as you helplessly watched from the distance. Imagine her not in your life because the other guy, rightfully so, doesn't find an ex-bf and confidant to be appropriate in their lives together. Then imagine the next few years as you dream about her, fantasize about her, miss her all by your lonesome.

Think about how you'll kick yourself silly for the rest of your life letting the perfect girl get away.

Both of you should put some effort into the dating and mateship rituals before it's too late. Trust me on this, there will come the day when neither of you have contact.

You want a life together? Well harden the hell up and get the jiggy happening. The rest will follow.

[Jonikiro]

Wow...I never thought of it that way.

Hey, your advice has been very helpful, Doc. Thanks for giving me another perspective to look at this from. It really helped.

[Cbrider]

You two leaped into the deeper end when you became good friends and are trying to doggy paddle together in the shallow end now as newer lovers while possibly scraping your feet. You both love to tread water in the middle of the pool together.

You both need to swim some laps from end to end before you appreciate being able to stand up in the shallows or tread in the deep end, as the urges strike.

Hope that made some degree of sense.

I can only imagine you saying this to someone that can't swim, lol.

Yes I get what you are saying.

[lostinconfusion]

question. has there EVER been a girl you wanted to ravage? and how old are you, if you don't mind me asking.

[freem]

She's one of the first girls I've dated that I've actually respected, to be painfully honest.

This is an innocent question, but this is what my ex said about me. What does that mean, exactly? That you didn't respect your previous girlfriends? That it was mostly just the sex?

[Jonikiro]

Sorry for the wait.

@lostinconfusion: I'm currently 21. With other girlfriends, that desire to see them naked and make out with them was always fairly prominent, regardless of how well we actually got along. None of those relationships lasted very long, however.

@freem: I felt like my other girlfriends, while fun to be around and to talk to, lacked a lot of the qualities I was looking for in a person. Strength of character, independence, confidence, just to name a few. I like to build friendships with everyone, but there are very few people who inspire me enough to command my respect. I just never thought I'd be lucky enough to actually date one of those people.

[Raze]

I think you are gay.

[lostinconfusion]

i don't mean to be mean, but i agree with raze. my best friend is gay and everything you say is exactly what he told me before he came out in high school :-\