Hi all!
So I've been on this website before, so I am sure some of you know my situations with my bf and now I am back for some more advice.
So I've been with my bf for over a year now. I was in Boston this past summer for 3 months interning so my BF and I were long distance. In this time period I felt our relationship really grew. Distance really does make the heart grow fonder. Our communication got a lot better and we just grew closer. Anyways, so now I am back home and I went to go visit my bf down at school (finishing last semester) The first night I was there he was really sweet to me. He put out candles and made our night really romantic, but then the following day we got in a huge argument. It all started because I guess he didn't think I was giving him enough attention that day. He proceeded to tell me that I am not emotional enough with him and that talking to me is like talking to a wall. He says that in order for him to get closer to me, I need to let my guard down a little bit. He feels that he does so much for me and doesn't feel like he gets anything back for it. The only thing he's really done for me is date me out on lots of dates, pay for my dinner and give me gifts for bday, christmas, v-day. Then of course hanging out with me and coming to visit me in Boston. And I do treat him back when he dates me out to dinner and stuff and I do give him gifts for b-day, v-day and christmas so its like I dont know what he wants as far as a reward. He told me that we have been dating over a year and haven't even said ILY yet to eachother and then he starts telling me that he only wants to say it when he really means it and that he's only loved one girl. This girl I would say was his first love. They met when they were 15 at camp and its the only girl he's really opened up to. They dated LD for a year and then she cheated on him and after that point they broke up, but remained friends.
Another thing he explains is that he can't stand it when guys talk to me at a bar and that he always watches how I react when a guy trys to talk to me. He says that he wants me to tell the guy to go away when he tries to talk to me, but I am nice person and that makes me feel uncomfortable being mean like that. I have no intentions when talking to the guy. Typically if a guy tries to talk to me I give him like 10 sec of my time of day. Also, my ex bf and I are really good friends. I've only dated 2 people and my ex bf and I dated back in HS for 3 months...I don't even consider our relationship anything special. him and I do catch up once in awhile and stuff. Over thanksgiving break my ex bf was texting me to hang out (not by ourselves, just to get together with a few people)and my bf saw and called me out on it. I tried to explain to him that he means nothing to me and that were good friends and catch up once in awhile. The next day after him confronting me about my ex, I see in his phone that he was texting his ex-gf (the one i stated abvoe) I couldn't read what it said so I just let it go ( I was looking over his shoulder), because I know they are friends and as long as u know hes not sketchy then I am fine with him talking to her.
Fast forward to our fight this weekend. He was mentioning to me about my ex-bf again. I guess I didn't give him enough reassurance from thanksgiving. and I proceeded to tell him that I saw him texting his ex gf over thanksgiving break so he can't be mad at me for being friends with mine. then he tries to deny that he texted her over thanksgiving & that the last time they talked was Dec 3 and before that June 15th. He then got out his phone and showed me (to prove it to me) and it did say Dec 3 he texted her, but the texts from Thanksgiving were gone. So theres no prove of him texting her.
I'm just extremely confused with what he wants out of this relationship. He has this cynical view on girls because of the girl cheating on him, so he thinks all girls are scum bags. He doesn't trust them or me. He has a double standard in our relationship, bc he thinks that I think I am always right, but he thinks he's always right. He tells me that he looses interest in me when I talk to guys, (which i hardly ever do unless I see a friend or the guy tries to talk to me) but yet he talks to girls and i feel like I can't tell him that I don't like it. He just sees sooo un-happy, but yet hes still with me so I don't understand. Any thoughts?