I have been married with my highschool sweetheart for the past two years. We got married 4 months after I found out I was pregnant. I used to get along with my Mother -in-Law when we were boyfriend and girlfriend. I used to look for her for support and advice when it came to her son. She loved my company and thought I was the perfect woman for her son. Anyways, when the time came for our wedding preparations my husband and I had different ideas of what we wanted. He wanted a very intimate party with just both our families, and I wanted a larger one. Even so, he convinced me to do the private party instead. I spoke to his mother the following day, and she told me that she had convinced my husband to have a large party instead. I was thrilled in a way because I would get to have my dream wedding, but at the same time I told her I wish him, and I could have agreed on this on our own. She got very offended and told me I was unappreciative. I told her that I appreciated her gesture because I knew she was doing it mainly because of me, but as a woman I would have liked to be able to convince him myself. She told me that day to never call her again for advice or anything that had to do with our relationship. Since then, I basically stopped loooking for her. This is the day that I realized that if I stopped agreeing with her on something, she would consider me her enemy.
I have a tendency of not knowing how to say "NO" to people, I want people to feel happy, therefore I sometimes put myself into situations I do not like to please them. She and she is a very social, pushy individual. She would invite herself over, or tell me when to drop off my daughter and how I should do things. I would do these things to keep the peace, but the moment came when I finally took a stand on what I believe in...
Fast forward a few months- she moved to another country. Then my husband told me that his parents were going to be in town for about three months, and they were staying with us. I told him I would think about it because since we are in a relationship I would hope he takes my opinion into consideration. My usual relationships are not very intimate with people, I need my own space, and feel claustrophobic having other people in my home. I guess it could be referred to as "anti-social". Take into account we were a newly married couple, with a newborn. I did not want anyone staying at my home because It would make me feel unconfortable. My husband did not take this into account, and when I arrived home from work on the day my in-laws flew in, they were at my apartment (1 bedroom- 1 bathroom) with their bags ready to be unpacked. I got furious at my husband and pulled him aside. I told him that I was going to tell his parents I was not comforatble having them stay there-and then he dared me to do it. went up to them and I explained to them that I had not agreef with my husband on letting them stay at the apartment. His mother begun screaming at me, and told me she would never step a foot in my home ever again. Then she told my husband that a mother comes first, and that she regretted ever pushing him into marrying me. Basically I went from being an angel sent from heaven to their worst nightmare. My husband told me he was going to divorce me, but the next day did not follow through. She turned everyone against me acting like if I had killed someone. This is in her nature..she is a drama queen- and always gets her way. A few days later he told me I should apologize to them for not letting them stay at our home. I decided I woould apologize, and I did- I apologized for having put them in that situation when in fact it had been a communication issue between my husband and I.
Everything seemed to begin getting better until this year came around. My husband brought up the subject of his parents staying in our place again, and I told him that i felt unconfortable with people in my house. He got angry at me for telling him that, and told hiis parents that I refused to let them stay there!! I have told my husband that they are welcome to pass by, and to go out with us, or take our daughter out etc, I just do not want anyone staying at my home. I want to be able to work on this new relaationship, on this new family that we just formed, and I cannot do it if people are an my home trying to do things that WE as a couple are supposed to do. Now they are back in town staying at a friend's home and my husband is paying a rent for them. They do not want to see me,AT ALL, and they are telling my husband to divorce me. Even his brother is telling him to separate- he says that I am not worthy, and implies that my daughter will understand why he left me.They decided not to attend my daughter's first birthday, and I know they will not attend her second birthday either.( AND THEY WERE INVITED) I thought that once we would form our own famiily we would be the priority, but it seems to me that he is split on taking sides. I do not want him to take sides. I am not asking him not to talk to his parents, yet they are telling him to leave me. I try to look at this from my daughter's perspective and I do not think she would understand. Why would she understand that her father left HER MOTHER, just because her GRANDPARENTS were not allowed to stay over at their place??? I do not know If I am crazy to think this way. I thought that adults were supposed to think logically..but now I feel that being older does not necessarily make you wiser, or more mature. I would have thought that they would make an attempt to spend time with the three of us- at least for my husband, and my daughter's sake..I would have never thought people could take this issue to THAT extreme. I have basically made my FIRST enemies, and how I hate this.
My husband tells me they want me to apologize to them..what am I supposed to apologize for? I do not understand. If any of you seem to understand more than I do please comment on this message board...or if you have any advice...i'm desperate to know what I am doing wrong...