Dilemma over bf's close friendship

[nomary]

Hi,

So, I've been with my boyfriend for a very very long time. We've relocated to another city together and now we are going back to our home country. My bf has a very close online relationship with a girl who he immensely likes (and I dare say love, she is immensely beautiful and really nice - my bf had expressed how she is the perfect kind of girl). He had met this girl through work and we all became friends, but him and her are constantly in touch. She is ''married'' and currently in our home country, but she will be leaving for somewhere else to join her husband in his own country.

Last night I looked at their chat, and while discussing his feelings about going back to the home country, he said ''It wouldn't be so hard if you were there...". Maybe I'm overreacting, but I can't help but feel haunted by this expression of his. I thought well, it shouldn't be so hard for him because ''I'' will be there. I have no one else to say that to, rather than him. I had discussions with him before, how he verbally expresses his adoration to her and me. So I'm stuck with the feeling that he is ''stuck'' with me because he can't have her. What would you think?

[Boisdevie]

What would you think?

I think you should tell your BF how you feel and see what he has to say.

[nomary]

I did that in the past, but he just said to stop being obsessive and insecure about her. But I still can't help but feel any other way when I see him saying this kind of stuff to her :S

[smackie9]

Hah that would be a normal reaction to protecting the thing he loves best. YOU need to tell him to get over it with her. It's not appropriate behavior when being in a committed relationship. If he gives you the song and dance about it, I say it's time to move on because now you know where he is going with your relationship....nowhere. You say you have been with your BF for a very very long time which tells me a marriage proposal is nowhere in sight....that leads me to believe he is waiting for her and not you to say yes.

[VincenzoG91]

You deserve to be with someone who loves you. Dump this chump and move on.

[Maple1714]

Tell him you are not comfortable with his relationship with his "friend". Do not let him make you feel bad or insecure for feeling the way you do. Do not apologize for how you feel. You need to be firm and move on. Dump him. ^^ You do deserve to be with someone who loves you and you are his #1.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Dump him. If he decides to cease contact with her on his own, then consider getting back together, but not before.

[nomary]

Thanks fellas. Thing is, we've been together for 13 years (!!!), since I was 14 :S (crazy, huh?). I feel totally emotionally dependent on him, especially now with all the stress of moving back to our home country, leaving my full-time job to finish my last year of university full-time, cause we're overloaded with things. We're both anti-marriage, as we feel that one shouldn't be forced to stay with someone due to a legal contract blabla.

This is not the first time that he's had a close female-friend. That is the only 'type of 'friend'' he can get close with, he said, of course, that they must be beautiful too, or else he wouldn't be friends with her. But this relationship with this ukrainian chick is really getting to me now. She is a totally nice girl, like I love her too, and I don't believe she has bad intentions (she is already married), but he's the one expressing all these big sentiments to her and being out of place. Like this year, when we were on holiday in our home country, he expressed many times that she is the only person that he looks forward to meeting there. We've had a huge fight on our way to meeting her, he was about to drop me off in the middle of the street to go meet with her alone instead. It's been ups and downs, more downs throughout the relationship, but I thought maybe that is the price of keeping the one you love, it's so difficult to keep it nowadays, you know? This morning I thought about just moving back, making it easier for us to divide our shit, and then go our separate ways from there. But then I'd end up totally alone, no friends, no work. Just a bleak and lonely life.

[Boisdevie]

It's been ups and downs, more downs throughout the relationship, but I thought maybe that is the price of keeping the one you love

You really need help. A successful relationship is better than this shite so why are you putting up with it? Because you'd end up alone? You sad sad person. Get some therapy.

[bulrush]

So, I've been with my boyfriend for a very very long time.

It's been 4 weeks already? (I'm kidding.)

My bf has a very close online relationship with a girl who he immensely likes (and I dare say love, she is immensely beautiful and really nice - my bf had expressed how she is the perfect kind of girl).

Mark this on your calendar folks. This is the ONE post per year where I will say this girl should be worried. lol. OP, this is not appropriate that he keeps in contact with this girl, especially since it looks like he is more than friends with her. At a minimum, he is only hurting himself, because he cannot have this girl. At worst, he is hurting you and being disrespectful, it's like emotional cheating.

[smackie9]

Your BF has been having "emotional" affairs with these so called close female friends. Some people feel if there is no sex involved then it's harmless.... it is still cheating and don't let him manipulate you into thinking it's not. When starting a relationship so young, this kind of thing happens because you both have not experienced other relationships. I agree it is going to be very scary, because you will be adjusting to a different life without this person but it can be done. People leave 20 year + relationships and still manage fine. Just because you break up with someone doesn't mean you loose all your friends. They will adjust too along with you. Oh well something to think about when you get back to your home country. Maybe start preparing for your new life once you get settled.

[Ladybuggg]

IF he keep doing the same thing at the same way for both of you there is a problem!

So you need to talk to him. If you feel or see that he is playing games dont wait till he choose and break's your heart.
So choose to break up and save your heart!